Image created by Amanda Berens/Model: Whoopy Beatriz Laurenco

There’s a conflict in my feminism.

Is it bad that I don’t want equal pay with a man,
that I don’t want women in combat?

Is it bad that I no longer buy into the premise that a real woman does it all?

That she goes to work forty plus hours per week, makes just as much, if not more, than her husband, gives the best head and mind blowing sex on a regular basis, cooks dinner every night, cleans the house in a French maid outfit, and nurtures well-rounded children.


That is not real life.

I’m not saying that women aren’t trying to do it because they are. I’m saying that something is going to suffer. What is it going to be? You? Your marriage? Your children? Sometimes it’s the woman that neglects herself. She thinks that she can multi-task. A recent Stanford study shows that human beings are actually not good at multi-tasking.

So we are so self-sacrificing that we neglect what we really need to fit into this new age view of what a woman should be. We put the oxygen mask on everyone else when we actually can’t breath.

Feminism has its pros and cons. Some of the pros are that we have the right
to vote, almost equal pay, and the ability to do any job a man can. For that I am very proud, but some of the cons are that in our pursuit of being just as powerful as a man we sometimes neglect our own homes. I would not change feminism.
I’m just asking the feminists of the world to make sure that you are doing what’s best for you and your family. Your feminism may not look like everyone else’s.
And that’s okay.

My beloved grandmother had eleven children. I used to wonder what her legacy was because she didn’t have a career. She showed her family the importance of love and laughter. She was amazing. After she passed I began to question my idea of success. I am not married and I don’t have any children, but I am seen as successful because of my degrees, my title, and my career.

So what.

I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’m willing to give it all up to have a tenth of my Granny’s success. I know to all the “boss bitches” out in the world this might be blasphemy but here goes:

Image created by Amanda Berens/Model: Whoopy Beatriz Laurenco

I want to be a stay at home mom, doing the most important job in the world. That is real success.

Is it still okay to be a stay at home mother in 2015?

As “feminists” we want everything to be equal. We want to be viewed as being just as valuable as a man, but I don’t. I’m not mad at you if you do. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for women who have the option to be seen as “equal” to a man. Feminism, for me, is really about options. I, my friend, do not have penis envy. I will never be equal to a man and he will never be equal to me. We are different and valuable in our own ways, so I don’t see the need to compete with a man.

Because I have a vagina, the vessel of human life. As a woman, I’ve already won.

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ReNina Sunshine Minter

Written by

I am a voice! Educator with views on social, political and psychological issues.


A black magazine for people too hip for black magazines. Get at us:

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