I Learned to Love Rihanna and You Should Too
Last year, my girlfriends and I attempted to form an anti-Rihanna pact, mainly because of the whole issue with Chris Brown. As young, ambitious women of color at Yale University, we were not finding much empowerment by way of Rihanna and her choices.Here was yet another young black female not living up to our hopes and expectations, getting slapped around by yet another young black male. We said we wouldn’t listen to Rihanna’s music, and would boycott everything she did.
Perhaps if Rihanna had cut off all ties with Chris Brown, the man who brutally beat her, we would have been more forgiving. We thought she was setting a negative example. We forgot that Rihanna was only a few years older than us, and far from perfect. It’s easy to judge when you’re on the outside. How many times has a friend come to you for relationship advice, and the guy is obviously no good, but she can’t stay away from him? Even when there’s no violence involved, an objective party can always see the unpleasant truth first. We forget that victims of domestic and sexual abuse can often form stronger ties to their abusers, and find it even harder to leave their abusers. Rihanna was a young girl in love, as she so famously told Oprah.
Unfortunately, Rihanna’s songs were too catchy. It wasn’t long before we caught each other listening to “Pour It Up” and “Diamonds” on Spotify. #Fail
On November 24th, Rihanna won the first American Music Awards’ Icon Award. It wasn’t until I watched her acceptance speech, presented to her by Mama Fenty, that I realized, “This chick is serious.” It was not all about pot, skimpy clothes, and dropping single after single. She has worked hard.
I could go on and on about why I now love Riri, but the simple fact of the matter can be summed up by one of my recent comments on a Facebook post: “Rihanna has inspired me to do me, and fxck the haters.” She’s inspired me to be honest about what I want out of life, and pursue it — whether that be a healthier lifestyle, eliminating the toxic people in my life, or not compromising with respect to what I desire in a significant other. When asked about her relationship status in an interview with Vogue in 2012, Rihanna said: “I’m waiting for the man who’s ballsy enough to deal with me. I’m going to wait, though. You always find the wrong shit when you go looking.” True that. How can you expect to find the right person for you if you’re not happy with yourself? She made me realize that it’s really OK to be single, even if many of my friends are getting locked down. There’s no reason for strong, hard-working, young women to compromise.
For the longest time, I wanted to hate Rihanna. Didn’t she realize the type of message she was sending out to other young women? As an educated female, I could not support a woman who professed that she was still in love with the man who beat her, and may or may not have cheated on her as well. Couldn’t she see that she deserved better? That all young women deserve better?
Well, I think Rihanna has realized that we all deserve better. Now we can both wait for the right person, at the right time. What once I found abhorrhing — her relationship choices — I now respect.I don’t always love everything she does, but she’s living her life, and I should be too. Besides, if I did love everything about Rihanna, that would make her boring. And I think it’s clear that she is one of the most exciting people of our generation.
She is not a role model (my mom is not her biggest fan), yet what better way to inspire than to be genuine at all times?
Let’s pour one out for badgalriri.
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