The Punishments

Punishments are designed to encourage adventurousness. Since a) I live in the biggest city in America and b) I’ve chosen to believe that my personality isn’t the problem, the issue has to be my methodology, right? Punishments force a modification of that methodology (and, theoretically, make me a ‘better dater’), and are designed to get a date for Friday or Saturday.

A friend ghostwrites my messages until I get a date (or until Sunday).

A friend gets to swipe & message for me for an hour.

I have to expand my radius by a mile every hour until I set up a date.

I have to expand my age range by a year every hour until I set up a date.

I have to message every single match I make on Bumble for 24 hours.

I have to point-blank ask out the next 5 people I match with.

I have to go back and point-blank ask out 5 matches that I never messaged.