Weeks Five & Six: Two Times the Fun
Last week was a break. This week was a break too, but just… of another sort. Saying ‘a mental break’ sounds really dramatic, and that’s 100% not at all right, but it’s true in a very narrow sense. I just… couldn’t do it.
There’s no real reason why. School, work, life — all proceeding as expected, but I kept staring at Bumble and Tinder and dreading opening them. It’s the kind of inertia that used to be my downfall on dating apps all the time prior to this project — everything in life is fine, and if I feel lonely, well, then, there’s a podcast to listen to or twitter to scroll through or whatever’s around to distract myself. Why sit down and swipe through hundreds of guys just to get a few matches? Why be exposed to rude, misogynistic comments and the overwhelming feeling of ‘man, fuck these apps.’
I’ve spent a lot of this weekend thinking, and keep coming back to this thought: if what I want from a relationship is someone who treats me like their favorite person (I don’t think that’s unreasonable. People say that shit all the time! Read an instagram caption!), both in terms of making me a priority in life and just… being fucking nice to me, then it makes sense that dating apps are hell on earth. They’re a writhing mass of people with a million walls up pretending not to give a shit. Particularly smart, snarky, creative guys — the kind of person I am attracted to — who can carry on a joke for a week and a half without ever saying anything sincere.
Also, these apps make me feel awful about myself. Gamifying dating (google gamification. We on some new shit here at ThursDating), it turns out, does not make unsuccessfulness in dating any more fun. Which is kind of a kick in the goddamn teeth. It feels like ThursDating has just highlighted those feelings of loneliness and failure and made them impossible to forget or submerge under ten feet of social media.
I mean, it’s one thing to dress up and go out and try to have fun and then get sad because a guy you think is cute calls you “dude” and refuses to make eye contact with you (fun, true stories!!!). It’s another thing entirely to have that feeling following you every time you open your phone.
So one week off, and one week of #allthefeelings. I gave myself a break on the punishment, because… well, jesus, read above. That shit is punishment enough, don’t ya think?
It’s a new week. Fresh start for Week Seven — maybe it’ll be lucky.
