[Day 544] Thoracenthesis

So, Tagrisso is working, yet very slow. The fluid keeps accumulating in my lung and causing lots of discomfort recently. Mediation was very helpful in the past two year, yet these pain has become more and more serious. But hey, what else can be more painful than cancer?

The latest CT result came out that the pain might actually came from the metastasis on my rib. Moreover, the fluid was too much to see anything going on with my tumor. My doctor suggested two thing:

  1. Theracenthesis to drain the fluid out of my lung — which will be my third time having this procedure.
  2. Low-dose radiation for my rib — which will be my first time going to radiation.
Thoracentesis Procedure (Image from Google)

The first time I have thoracenthesis in Cho Ray hospital, I went to cardiac arrest right at the end of the procedure. They have to injected an Epi to recover my pulse and breathing. That was — the most scary incident my entire cancer journey. At that moment, I can hear everything and see everyone, but I was not able to to react, speak, nor move even my fingers. Death was real close!

But, I told myself, “Don’t die just yet!”

The fifteen minutes in the thoracenthesis procedure is the longest fifteen minutes ever. Although the doctor and the nurse in USC Norris are the best, that fear of cardiac arrest still there. I put my music on and try to breath calmly with constant pace throughout the process.

— — —

My friend took me to Norris Hospital to see the radiation oncologist and for my thoracenthesis procedure. While I was drawing my blood, I look over the window and see my friend standing around waiting. In that sixty seconds, everything was unfold logically!

That friend of mine, was someone, who I cared, loved, and hated truly, madly, deeply. In the past 9 years, our relationship went through all stages, from strangers, to partners, and back to strangers, again!

And here we are, he is still the only person who I can trust and feel comfortable to meet at my worst time.

Maybe — on that day, I can’t die yet, because I need to meet him again. God doesn’t want to take me away with hatred and anger in my heart. He wants to give me time so that I can learn how to forget and forgive, for myself, and for that man. He was, once, everything of my life!

After 5 years, my heart is now in peace. We both grew up and have our own paths. Life, slowly yet brutally, took us apart from each others. I am indeed grateful for everything has happened!

Photo taken by him from LeBua Tower — Bangkok By Night (Feb 2012)

-ThuyMuoi, April 16th, 2018-