Don’t judge Trevor Noah for his dead plant
The coronavirus outbreak has lead to 68,440 infections in the United States. It is an extremely sensitive situation, and I understand the frustration and confusion. Although I make jokes about the toilet paper hoarding and men buying face masks for $20, you do whatever makes you feel safer (within reason). Laugh at my gripes or tell me why I’m wrong. I am just a grumpy writer judging you from my home office and small stash of plastic “perm” gloves.
But socially isolated YouTube users, you listen up loud and clear!
You all are ruining a good thing with these late-night talk show hosts doing their jobs from home, and I just won’t stand for it. You will not shame “The Daily Show” Trevor Noah for that dead plant in the background of his library.
You made that man go find a fake plant to take the place of his perfectly lovely, struggling plant on a shelf during his at-home monologue. And by default, I had to come to grips with the truth. I, too, have two dead plants. I’ve been watering them for four months in hopes that my Parlor Palm and Peace Lily (Spathiphyllum spp) will spring back to life, unlike that damn Pothos (Epipremnum aureum) that died over the summer. The plant food stays in place. The dirt is just lapping up the water. I’ve re-potted them. I’ve moved them all over my sunny (but cooler) living room.
I turned off my TV after Trevor Noah’s March 23 episode, in which he acknowledged his new fake plant. I couldn’t figure out why I was so crabby afterward, until I knew I had to face the truth. I walked right over to my bookshelf and dumped those plants — that give me no peace or palm vibes — into the garbage.
When did YouTube and “The Daily Show” users become the plant police? You don’t know the struggle of people with black thumbs who keep trying. We’ve tried other things, like raising goldfish. (Why didn’t anyone tell me you weren’t supposed to clean the tank with dish-washing liquid and dump the fish back in freezing cold water? Rest in peace to Goldie and A.M. You deserved a better owner.)
More importantly, all of you folks working from home (or doing schoolwork at home) in social isolation better not ruin these late-night talk show gems for me. “The Daily Show” is even better with no live audience. We get to watch Roy Wood Jr. lose his mind at home with his kids, and see Lani Desmonet “Desi” Lydic teach her kids how to make mixed drinks. Ronny Chieng is out of town, getting pap smears to make sure he’s not pregnant. And who else is going to shame me for being two years older than Trevor Noah than Jaboukie Young-White? (He asked Trevor if he needed Metamucil or a grocery store run “for seniors.”)
Stephen Colbert is already hip to you judgmental interior designers. He just shocked his “The Late Show” viewers into watching him wear a suit while sitting in a bubble bath. I think those cordless earbuds he was wearing went to wherever Goldie and A.M. are.
Unlike Trevor Noah, he’s switching it up before you have a chance to start investigating anything over his shoulders. The BBQ grill episode (the “Fire” episode) was cool. I wish Stephen Colbert the best of luck with his “viruses are afraid of stairs” logic for the “Light” episode. (I’m still waiting on Jon Batiste to open the show with Earth, Wind & Fire songs though.)
And “Jimmy Kimmel Live” has gone rogue and decided Formal Fridays just weren’t fun enough. Now he’s driving up to a random home to do interviews in front of blue garage doors. I’m already not a fan of Bill Burr, but every time he kept stepping closer to Jimmy’s car, I wanted to shout “Run!” through my TV screen. Still though, I liked those blue garage doors.
These late-night hosts are giving socially isolated viewers a bright spot and a whole lot of funny from their homes. But please, viewers, be kind to them and their homes. I’m still holding on strong to my beautiful Snake Plant, and I don’t want anymore of your interior design feedback. I’ve finally gotten my Home Depot credit card balance under control. Plus, I live on the first floor and can’t figure out where I’d put Jimmy Fallon’s indoor slide anyway.
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