Gift yourself Self-Compassion this festive season
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
Jack Kornfield — Best selling American author and Buddhist mindfulness practitioner .
It’s an exciting time of the year starting from Diwali, right through Christmas and upto the New Year. There is a build up to all the celebration mayhem of decorations, gastronomic delicacies, gifts and socialising. Barring the first three, the socialising part may have to be sidestepped majorly, given the pandemic. Why stew over this one setback and instead this time shine the light on ourselves. Let’s bestow upon our worthy selves ‘Self- Compassion’.
Self-compassion involves treating oneself as one would a friend, being more mindful, and understanding our situation in the context of a larger human experience.
It’s oft said ‘Charity begins at home’ meaning we must help ourselves before we help others. No, not a selfish thing to do as it may be misread as that. Kindness and compassion are not meant to only be extended to others but rather should begin with one’s own self. Even the most caring individuals can be very hard on themselves, constantly criticizing and judging every teeny misstep treaded on the earth’s surface by them. If they carry on this way, soon they will lose their emotional strength and may find it hard to support others.
As mentioned in smart recovery Every time we fly, the instructions given by the flight attendants are “Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” Why do they say that? What could possibly be wrong with helping others first? Without our oxygen mask, we will quickly lose consciousness. If we don’t make putting on our mask our first priority, we will very likely not be able to help anyone. Similarly, if we continuously extend ourselves to help others without paying attention to our own mental and physical self, chances are we'll burnout and lose steam. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness. When we find ourselves in a situation where our happiness is suffering, the “oxygen mask rule” analogy is helpful.
An article published in the Harvard Health publication mentioned that Self-compassion yields a number of benefits, including lower levels of anxiety and depression. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, which reduces their anxiety and related depression.
Now that we are aware of the potentiality of Self -compassion, let’s find ways to gift ourselves this precious resource.
- Feelings and emotions, both positive and negative are essential components of our life. Trying to act oblivious of the negative and aggrandizing the positive is plain denial and so not kind to our true nature. You have to experience both to have a full on growth oriented profound life.
- Address your emotional pain just as you would a physical one. Toothaches and heartaches run along the same spectrum, call your therapist as often as you would consult your dentist.
- Accept average as how our life is mostly going to play out. Wanting to always be riding the high tide is anti self-compassion. This is not how anyone’s life plays out( humans), so remember, you are not supernatural. Toss the heart burning when you scroll through excitable social media posts, those are momentary high’s being displayed.
- Be protective of yourself just like you are of the many close people in your life, your young kids, your ageing parents, your siblings, close friends, the pup you just brought home. You are not immune to hurt so stop being the martyr.
- Be gentle with yourself. Think of how gingerly you handle your expensive chinaware or that new gadget you spent all your savings on. If you can be so guarded about inanimate objects then why discriminate with yourself.
- Self-care is an embodiment of self compassion. It's one of the actions a person who wants to show self compassion can indulge in. Self-care can range from taking a power nap when you are wearied to gently massaging your feet, toes in particular in circular motion and dwelling in the feeling of relaxation. Having a consistent workout routine and practicing deep breathing 2–3 times a day. Making sure you are optimizing on your vitamin intake and having superfoods like a mix of chia, flax, pumpkin and sunflower seeds as a munch snack. Tag a friend along for a hair spa or a pedicure, you’ll have the added advantage of shooting the breeze. Make sure when you are doing the above you are operating from a place of Self- Compassion.
This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.
~ Kristen Neff, the world's leading researcher on compassion
Cultivating Self-Compassion will have immense benefits for you, elevated sense of self-worth, more composure, less reactiveness, increased resilience to adversity, better problem solving skills as you have a general sense of confidence in your abilities and therefore are less overwhelmed by challenging situations. For those around you, your levels of empathy are enormous, thus fostering better relationships as your emotional intelligence has upscaled as well.This is an easy logistic to imbibe, follow and make an integral part of your life.
One life, one opportunity to embrace our uniqueness and show gratitude for all that we have, both our forte and our frailty, as that what makes us human and alive.
Let’s celebrate our own being this season, with our hearts lit up and our mind at peace, total Zen.
