The 3 Ps for Resilience
We’ve all been there. Or will get there. Trust me. Or at least trust Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook and founder of leanin.org, and Martin Seligman, the founder of the positive psychology movement.
When Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband suddenly in 2015, she was depressed to say the least. And, these 3 P’s helped her deal with it — Personalization, Pervasiveness and Permanence — as she tells us in her recent book, Option B. We’re sure each of us will identify will these 3 Ps.
Personalization: It’s important to understand that not everything that happens, happens because of us. It is not always your fault. Sometimes, it really is the other person. If you just broke up, it is possible that the other person was stupid. It may not be always your fault.
When Sheryl lost her husband, she blamed herself. She pored over the medical records, and wondered if she had missed something. But after hearing about personalization, she learnt to forgive herself. She was an economics major after all — how could she have known?
Pervasiveness: You might be subjected to the same suffering — when one part of your life sucks, you think everything sucks! But the truth is, that it doesn’t. When Sheryl’s personal life sucked after her husband, Dave’s, death — she when back to work at Facebook in 10 days. And, for a few seconds in the meeting she was able to forget her grief and be involved in the discussion. She realized that her professional life could still be rewarding and worthwhile, even after a personal tragedy.
Permanence: Ever so often, you think life will be just like this forever. Things will never change! But, the truth is — it will get better. It’s just a matter of time. For months, Sheryl felt hopeless and thought this would never end. But after months, it did get better. And she resonated with Seligman’s literature. In other words, you don’t have to deny that you’re feeling sad or hopeless — but you can also take heart that one day soon, you’ll feel a little less sad and hopeless.
So, take your time. We’ve all been there. But, remember the 3 Ps. It will get better. And, we’re here for you.
