Hey ladies, are you tired of being told to smile?
Gabby Douglas probably is
It doesn’t matter if your grandpa did it. Don’t ever tell a woman to smile.
Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas is the latest woman to be deemed insufficiently beaming.
Over the course of the gymnastics events in Rio, critics attacked her patriotism, her hair, and accused her of skin bleaching—among other things about the 20-year-old. And as her teammates competed for all-around honors, the camera panned to Douglas in the stands — her expression was neutral. She was slammed on social media as “Crabby Gabby.”
As a woman, Douglas evidently doesn’t smile enough (and the persistent “angry black woman” stereotype doesn’t help).
“I apologize if [I seemed] really mad in the stands. I wasn’t,” she responded to a reporter after competition. “I was supporting Aly. And I always will support them and respect them in everything they do. I never want anyone to take it as I was jealous or I wanted attention. Never. I support them, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t showing it.”
This tyranny of the smile goes back a long way.
In an etiquette guide written in 1902, author Lillian Eichler advises:
“There can be nothing more discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks or smile.”
The public smile, in particular, is a longstanding totem of female hospitality.
“The unlovely woman bows as though her head were on a hinge and her smile sucked through a lemon,” writes famed etiquette author Emily Post in 1922. In short, cut the resting bitch face.
It’s particularly true when facing street harassment. A 1969 issue of Glamour presented a scenario:
“You’re walking along the street and a workman whistles appreciatively at you. You a. Ignore him; b. Tell him he’s being pretty fresh; c. Call a cop; or d. Smile in friendly acknowledgement and keep walking.”
The answer was D.
From early ages, young boys and young girls are taught to emote very differently. Women are encouraged to display a spectrum of emotions, particularly graciousness, whereas boys learn to “play it cool” by projecting disinterest. In a March 2016 Maxim article titled “5 ways to take command of any room,” dating coach John Alexander suggests, “Avoid anything that conveys…neediness/desperation (wrinkling your forehead, touching your face when you talk, and smiling excessively).”
Compare that to the treatment of Hillary Clinton, who has commanded a few rooms in her day. In March, MSNBC host Joe Scarborough tweeted some advice at the candidate after she won the Florida primaries: “Smile. You just had a big night.”
Thanks, Joe.
After beating her sister Venus Williams in the 2015 U.S. Open, Serena Williams, one of the greatest athletes ever, sat for a press conference. She was tired. When a reporter asked why she wasn’t smiling, she sighed and replied:
“It’s 11:30. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t want to be here. I just want to be in bed right now and I have to wake up early to practice and I don’t want to answer any of these questions. And you keep asking me the same questions. It’s not really…you’re not making it super enjoyable.”
Of course, when Michael Phelps pulled his demonic grimace at this year’s Games, it was simply his “game face.”
Male gymnasts are allowed game faces, too. Watch the differences in floor routines between women and men. The former shimmy to music, pose, and smile often. Men perform without music and rarely mug for the camera, unless they stick a tough landing.
No wonder Gabby Douglas, a world class athlete and adult woman, feels she has to apologize. She dared to “act like a man” by not smiling. Either way, she doesn’t owe us anything. But we’re all welcome for the hours of entertainment.
