You can run, but you can’t hide from my love

Vintage valentines for the lovelorn and deranged

Today you may feel pressure to be perfect — to make a reservation at the perfect cozy restaurant, buy the perfect locally grown but still impressively grand bouquet, utter the perfect romantic sentiment.

But Valentine’s Day is about love — crazy, messy love. Desperate crushes. Fear and insecurity. Inappropriate urges. All that good stuff. A look at a few V-day cards from the 1930s should remind you that today has never been a day for perfection. Send one to the weirdo in your life!

1. “Bound (literally, with rope) to be yours:” For the valentine who expressed mild interest in BDSM

2. “Off the record:” For the valentine you found on Ashley Madison

3. “How’s my chance:” This is the 1930s equivalent of a 1:00am “U up?” text

4. “For life:” For the codependent valentine, because if we just tie ourselves together we’ll never, ever, ever have to be apart

5. “Swell condition:” For the valentine who gave you that infectious love bug you had to go to the clinic to treat

6. “Bea-ver you, bea-ver me:” We don’t even know

Have a happy Valentine’s Day, lovers!