2015. Matters of the heart and other stories.
(This read would be nicer if you had Apple Music and some earphones so you could jam this Early Morning Post Rave playlist or Sylvan Esso’s Album while feasting your eyes.)
Hey, humans of earth.
I’m a bit unsure as to how to start this and it’s sort of annoying because I feel like I have so much to write about.
…I think I’ve decided to skip the “it’s December 31st again…” preamble and just dive in.
The plan is to attempt to give you a written trailer of the movie that was my 2015, but this trailer will have spoilers — pretty much the whole plot would be revealed…you know what, let’s just scratch that analogy, it’s lame.
There’s this great urge to write about all the things I’ve been feeling the past few days.
I was going to resist saying much because the feelings are entirely tied to the relationship I was in for the majority of the year.
Unfortunately/Fortunately, It’d be pretty much impossible to write this without touching that topic — if one were to cut out that experience from the movie reel of my year, it’d be like the censored version of A$AP Rocky’s Fucking problem… (I should also probably give up this analogy business.)
Sometimes I’d be alone thinking about whether there was something I wasn’t doing…something that made me undeserving of what I wanted.
I like to think I’m the kind of person that makes a decision and sticks to it. I decided I was going to give this relationship all I’ve got, do everything I can to make it work no matter how hard it gets. I decided that I was going to have no pride, no lasting anger, no unsolvable problems…but you see the problem is that, I think I was the only one who made such a decision.
I was alone and I seldom felt like there was someone I could rely on to be there for me and for us.
I ended being the only rock, the orchestrator, the bridge builder, the glue, the problem solver etc. in a two person relationship. I kept being that person because I believed that one day I’d look back and know for sure that it was all worth it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she didn’t have feelings for me, or that she’s a bad person. Nah. There was effort, I could see some effort, from time to time but it was never enough that I’d be sure that she’d fight for the relationship or for me if it ever came to it.
I think the most hurtful thing of it all is that I believed in her, even when she didn’t believe in herself, I believed she’d come good for me…
Anyway, on Monday, we had a conversation, one that we’d had before a million times and well…I had to stop being blinded, I had to start seeing what she’s been showing me (with her action, or rather…the lack of) and I had to, for what I think was the first time, be entirely selfish.
So yeah I ended it, and despite knowing it was the right thing to do, it stings to know that someone you’ve got doesn’t have your back like that.
But I’m not going to change, I’m going to keep bringing my 💯 game to the table every single time because I don’t think I can live any other way.
It wasn’t all bad, there were genuine insanely happy moments that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It’s just easier to talk about the negative stuff when you’re freshly broken up.
I also think I became an overall better person. My short fuse isn’t so short anymore and I’m a more patient man.
Furthermore,
In 2015, I launched the new ordertolagos.com and started working on this very interesting “Artificial Intelligence” project that I can’t wait to share with you guys.
Helloworld became a bigger family — @_Lolu and @onyekvchi got adopted. + @FatherMerry started Devcenter Square for open source projects and I happen to be the project manager
I started teaching people how to make apps in 2015 too, it was fun and I have a lot to learn and implement as a teacher.
2015 was the year @FatherMerry and I got a very modest apartment that I hid from my parents for about 10 months. In fact I just told my dad some hours ago. The feeling of freedom is nice, and as much as we complain, we like the extra responsibility, at least I do…it makes one feel very grown up…and my parents seem proud of me.
I turned 22 this year. My birthday was also pretty memorable, like last year’s. I mean, look at what these drunkards downed.
My best bud also came back this year, after three years of separation and he seems to be taking my break up really well…
Speaking of new Wing Men, Ope (@FatherMerry) became single this year too, even Doyin. Doyin’s own was extra shocking (to me) because he was in his for about 3 years…and he was mostly a good man.
Doyin, you’ve seen now oh, I wrote about you being a good man and I’m going to add that I’m thankful for you being like an elder brother to me, which might be disrespectful because you’re really like an uncle.
In fact, I’m thankful for all my friends, for all the poo poo jokes that made me feel a little better, for all the moral support, alcohol and partying.
I’m also thankful for my family. Oh my, I love my beautiful family. Even ugly Tolulope. These people make it all worth it.
I think I’m done. It’s already 2016 and I don’t want to continue punishing you guys. I’ll definitely write a better, less disorganised post this year.
2016. Round 1! Fight!
