Don’t Be Afraid

The biggest lie we can tell ourselves is that we have enough time; so don’t be afraid — no one else has enough time either. Speak, love, give.

I was reading in Matthew 10 tonight. It’s a crazy chapter, and if we take it literally, could be one of the most radical passages of scripture in the Bible. Before chapter 10 starts, Jesus says in Matthew 9:37–38, “Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send workers into the harvest field.” And then basically chapter 10 is a really big pep talk given to the 12 disciples before Jesus sends them out “like sheep among wolves”.

The message He sends them with is simple — the kingdom of heaven is near. The actions he tells them to perform are signs of uncontainable love — heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leper, cast out demons. The reason He gave for doing all of this was pure and unselfish (and it is also what He did for us because of His relationship with His Father) — freely you have received, now freely give. He promises them provision and safety and that the Holy Spirit would speak through them when they got stuck in a tough spot. He warned them ahead of time that their families would think they were crazy, that they would be persecuted, hated, and disowned, yet He told them not to be afraid. Instead, He told them to speak all the more, to proclaim and shout it out from the rooftops — the kingdom of heaven is near.

Not only were they to perform all of these incredible signs and wonders, not only were they to preach such a message of hope even in places they were not wanted, not only were they to give and give and give even if they had nothing left, not only were they to trust an invisible God in the midst of life-threatening trials and not be afraid but to rejoice in the persecution and rejection of their friends, families, and communities — no, not even all of that was enough — they must love Him more than their families and friends so it seemed as if they hated their earthly loved ones, and they must be willing to bear a cross for His sake. They had to be willing to give it all up and to die or else they were not worthy of Him.

As I was reading these things, I was convicted of my own fear, my own failure, my own apathy and lack of commitment and surrender. I was convicted of my lack of faith to see the kingdom of heaven come through me. I was convicted of my selfish love, the love I have only when it serves me to love someone else. I was convicted of the fear I have of disappointing my family because of the decision I have made to try to live out Matthew 10.

And last night, I was reading Romans 7, a passage I used to think was so confusing, but now resonates deep in my heart (“For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but…)

I want so badly to live for Jesus with every fiber of my being. I want to be so in love with Him that I can’t help but love others in every way I possibly can. I want to have such a concrete faith in His goodness that I never doubt or have fear. I want to be so confident in who I am in Him that I have the boldness to walk up to someone and speak life over them without being afraid of what they might think because it is what is on His heart for them, and so it’s what is on my heart, too.

The biggest lie I tell myself is that I have enough time. I don’t. Let’s face it, none of us do. I tell myself there is plenty of time to do something God told me to do… There’s enough time to give it all up, so, really, I can just let go piece by piece… There’s enough time to have that conversation with someone, so I’ll do it another time when I feel more inspired and courageous. Guys. We don’t have enough time. They don’t have enough time. We can’t be afraid anymore. We have to speak. We have to love. We have to give. “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?”

Oh Jesus! Forgive us! Forgive me! Forgive me for praying and saying I would go and then not going! Forgive me for saying that I would give it all and then holding back! Forgive me for speaking words I would never follow through on! Forgive me for praying for boldness and then running away when I was given an opportunity! Forgive me for forgetting the cost of Your precious blood. Forgive me for being selfish with what I have received. Forgive me for being silent when I should have been speaking. Forgive me for every time I said I trusted You and then gave into fear. Forgive me for being afraid of disappointing people. Forgive me for my apathy and my laziness. Forgive me for not keeping the main thing the main thing. Forgive me for the idolatry and selfishness of my heart. Forgive me for thinking there was enough time.

Oh Papa. That I would be so filled with You… That I would be so lost in the beauty of Your presence… That I would be so filled and overwhelmed by Your love that I could not hold back from giving every drop of it to even one person. I lay it all back at Your feet. All is for Your glory; all is for Your name. You’re beautiful. You’re worth it all. I will be Your laid-down lover — all for Your name, Your glory and honor. I will give it all for You.

Later, in chapter 11, Jesus says, “the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing and forceful men lay hold of it…” and I would dare to say He says this same thing to us, but whispers at the end, “… so don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to let go. Don’t be afraid to give into this, this beautiful, crazy, radical, adventurous, mysterious, satisfying life of the kingdom. It is so worth it. Don’t worry about what people might say. I know they love you and they think they know what’s best for you, but trust Me — our Father knows what’s really best for you. They look at the outward appearance of people and situations, but the Lord looks at the heart and sees the big picture. His eye is on the sparrow, and He knows when each one falls to the ground. You are worth so much more than the sparrows, so don’t be afraid! Look at these promises I have given you. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it. Don’t be afraid to lose your life for My sake because I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Only in Me will you truly find life. I am inviting you, welcoming you, to a life in the kingdom of heaven. It’s a life that seems risky and dangerous and foolish, but that’s because it is. But it’s the best kind of dangerous — the kind that changes the world, right here, right now. Don’t be afraid to walk in obedience. It really doesn’t matter what the other people in the room might say; live your life only to please our Father. Risk your life and find it, just don’t be afraid. Go, cross the borders, learn the languages, live in the villages, spend your last penny, put your hand on the plow and don’t look back. But remember to come to Me when you are weary and feel burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. So don’t be afraid.”