The paradox of finding love and connection
Why it’s so complicated
The reason why you don’t reveal your true self is you’re afraid of being rejected. Of being judged. So you portray a shell version of yourself to the world, as protection.
It’s easier to hide or play games, remove emotions out of the equation — to be in control of how others see you.
The paradox is that maybe the things that we hide, or think are weird, might be the very reason why someone might fall in love with you.
That’s the challenge. To have meaning and connection in our relationships, we have to be willing to be vulnerable, to open up about who we really are, even if it feels terrifying and counter-intuitive.
I think that’s why online dating is so difficult. Using profiles to describe ourselves is really a disservice to humanity — people can’t be summarized in 5 photos and 128 characters. We’re put in a position to judge, not to be open subconsciously training ourselves to make assumptions and to dismiss.
Have you considered that you might have swiped left on the love of your life?
Everyone has a checklist for ourselves and other people. These are the things that make me and other people worthy. But thinking this way can stop you from seeing someone for who they really are.
It’s more about seeing a trait about someone, that you didn’t know you needed that in your life. And then you realize, “I don’t know how I ever lived without you.” This is what love is.
How can someone love you? Well, the only way is to allow yourself to step out of your shell and let others see you, plainly as you are.
