Being sex positive doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.
I’m very open about sex and have always been.
Although I live in an Islamic country, and have been raised rather conservatively, I’ve exposed myself to sex and its many discretions. This would be considered quite unusual, for a 22-year old girl to talk openly about her favorite sex position, but I couldn’t care less.
Recently, I met a decent guy on Tinder, and we hit it off pretty well over text. I ranted on about Murakami, and it turned out that he was a fan too, which was rare, I hadn’t come across a lot of Murakami fans. He was funny and didn’t take himself too seriously, I liked that in a person.
We talked mostly at night, just before I dozed off. He was a great listener, holding on to my every word and asking me what it felt like. It was refreshing to be on the other side for once.
Three nights after we met, he texted me around 1 am, saying he was mildly drunk.
How drunk are you?, I asked.
Drunk enough to have an open conversation, he replied.
Well, what do you want to talk about?, I asked.
What’s the best night you’ve ever had?, he asked.
Well, it was a one night stand. I had a pretty good time, but didn’t pursue it. I guess some romances are fleeting. I said.
Oh, you are pretty open about sex for a woman. He said.
Yeah, I’ve always been quite open about sex, it needs to be normalised.
Would you open to having sex with me?, came his reply.
I was taken aback. Here I thought, this is pretty well. A man I’m remotely interested in, who isn’t just in it for the sex. I would have been okay with just sex if he hadn’t piqued my interest.
He used my sex positivity to his advantage.
Just because I talk liberally about my sexual experiences does not mean I want to hook up with you.
This is why sex needs to be normalised. We need to weave it into our daily conversations, so that our sexual openness isn’t viewed as an invitation.
In the first place, we shouldn’t have to compensate at all. Why is it that we always need to alter the way we talk or the way we think so men don’t get the wrong impression? I couldn’t care less anymore.
It was a pity, if he hadn’t said that, it could have gone somewhere. I instantly shut off the conversation.
