Tinderview #3 — Chris

Chris, 28, is looking for friendship and fun.

It was my third Tinderview in a week. This time, I was meeting with a guy named Chris, who caught my eye by wearing a drink umbrella behind his ear in his Tinder profile picture. Little things like that are a sure way to win my heart, since it’s something I’m likely to do when I’ve been drinking.

Chris lived only a couple miles away and we set up a meeting at Bean Traders.

He walked in wearing a Game of Thrones shirt, so I knew for the third time in as many interviews, I’d be discussing dragons and houses. We shook hands and he took a seat across from me. He looked a bit nervous and unsure of what he was doing, but that could’ve just been the heat. The room we were in didn’t have AC and it was roughly 90 degrees out.

Recorder on.

I asked how long he’s been on Tinder. He told me a little over a year, leading me to believe that only people who have used the app for 12–18 months and like Game of Thrones want to talk to me.

“I had a friend who met a lot of people on it. She met her boyfriend on there and they’ve been dating for about six months. She found a lot of people who she either dated or made connections with and hung out with,” said Chris. “I didn’t necessarily join to date, I was just looking to make friends and hang out with people.”

We talked about the “hook-up stigma” of the app. He told me that he’s found people who are only looking for hook-ups, but he that he immediately unmatches with them because that’s not what he’s looking for.

“I thought that’s what it was going to be at first when I signed up, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how many normal people I’ve met through the app.”

He talked about how it’s easier to meet people through the app than it is going to the bar or a face-to-face setting because you can learn a bit about the person before setting up a meeting. And if you don’t connect, while there is some sense of rejection, it hurts less when you’re behind a screen and can move on to your next match.

Chris explained his swiping process, which includes looking at their profile and seeing if they have any common interests or friends. “I try to actively look for people, not just a face,” he said.

As far as successes go, Chris told me that he’s found a good friend via the app and has been on a few dates, but hasn’t found “the one.” He went on to explain that he likes to be by himself and isn’t sure of the commitment he’s ready to make.

Aside from an overly needy guy who kept sending him weird messages after Chris couldn’t meet him and an awkward spitting incident, Chris said that he hasn’t had a bad experience on the app.

Like me, Chris has his interests set to males and females. He noticed the same thing I did when it comes to match ratio: we both match a lot more with guys than we do with girls.

“Maybe they are more picky, but I think they’re just a little more protective of themselves. Like, they’re only going to swipe on people who hit a certain criteria because they’re afraid that it might not be a real profile.”

He raised an interesting point that I didn’t think of as I’ve been trapped in this writer’s bubble of “why doesn’t everyone want to talk to me for this series?” While I know that my intentions are good, women may see my profile and think I’m some creep giving them a false premise in order to meet. His comments made me change my mindset and re-think how I go about this process.

Moving away from Tinder, I started to get to know Chris.

I asked if he was interested in men. He hesitated a bit before answering.

“I don’t think anyone should be defined by one sexuality. I think everybody, deep down if they really thought about it, is bisexual.”

I couldn’t disagree. I’m a firm believer that everyone has thought about both sexes in some sort of sexual way throughout their life. Some are just more comfortable in admitting it.

While he has yet to come out to his parents, I didn’t get the sense that it was because he was afraid of potential backlash. He told me that his parents were liberal people and that he hasn’t said anything because it is part of his personal life and that they don’t need to know who he dates because it would just lead to the third degree. He framed it in a way that made me think the questions would be less about his sexuality and more along the lines of those nagging questions every parent has when their child talks to them about dating.

He studied communications at UNC, which we both shared a laugh over as that degree seems to lose value with each passing day. “It’s an advanced degree in panhandling,” said Chris. Fortunately for him, he was able to find a job in the editing field, which puts his degree to better use than communication graduates who end up in sales or customer service.

He told me more about his job and I was excited to hear a person who seemed to genuinely like his job. He talked about traveling and hanging out with his co-workers and how the owners give back and respect their employees. I almost asked if they needed extra help because he made it sound like a great place to work, even if the job could get a little tedious and boring.

We talked about the publishing industry and how things seem to be moving more towards video. Chris sounded more hopeful, saying that publishing and writing isn’t a dying platform, just that it’s moving to different mediums.

While Chris identifies as a nerd, he can see why nerds get bullied.

“I can’t stand the whole ‘complaining thing’ nerds do,” he said. “I had a friend who would read all the comics, then we’d go see the movie with him and some friends. They’d sit in the parking lot and just complain about things that were not in the comics. I’d just be there like, ‘I now understand what bullies feel like.’ I used to think that bullies hated nerds because they are jealous or whatever. Now, I realize that it’s just because they’re kinda annoying.”

He mentioned that he’s able to binge-watch shows while he works, which only made me want to work there more. We discussed 90’s cartoons like Doug and Rugrats, and animated comic book series such as Batman and X-Men. We shared a laugh over still watching those cartoons today and picking up on adult humor that we definitely missed when we were six.

We moved on to Game of Thrones and how fans need to separate the books from the show.

“I love the books, but I think the show has done a good job of combining and simplifying things for their own game.”

Before wrapping things up, Chris told me about his weight loss. Looking at him, you would have never guessed that he was over 300 pounds at any point in his life.

I asked him what made him get on a diet and workout to lose the weight?

“My family had lost a lot of weight and I was the only one who was heavier. So part of it was saying, ‘I can do it better than they can.’ So, I did.”

He talked about setting goals, sticking with a regime, and not giving up when you haven’t lost 20 pounds after a week.

I wondered if he had been bullied for being overweight and he told me that he had. Then, he brought the conversation full circle, coming back to Tinder.

He said that part of the reason he had joined Tinder was because growing up and being heavier. he had trouble asking out others.

“On Tinder, you can make friends quickly on the app and then meet them in person. It takes the pressure off meeting someone at the bar or at the gym. People do it on TV shows all the time, but it’s a lot harder in person to do it that way.”

We ended our conversation with him re-iterating that he’s been surprised with how many decent people are on Tinder and how he’s attempting to get his friend to join just to meet new people.

I walked away being impressed by Chris. He seemed to have his life together as much as one can in 2017. He was very sure of himself and knew what he wanted out of the app. More than anything, I was impressed that he talked to me for an hour in a microwaved room.