Shortly after my break-up last year I got to know someone I really liked (and still like).
As I was feeling so terribly sad and lonely, this sudden acquaintance helped me to escape from my grief. I’m still very thankful for the great days and nights I spent with him. Having someone interested in me gave me the feeling that there was more to life than my last relationship.
My ex-boyfriend was traveling and hanging out with the girl he got to know during the last months of our relationship. She is his new girlfriend now, but that’s another story.
Anyway, I was convinced that I had to move on as quickly as possible. I didn’t want to waste much time mourning my dead relationship.
I didn’t allow myself to be alone for a while and work on the most important relationship I will ever have: The relationship with myself.
However, after six months of trying, I realized how hard it was for me to move on for real.
Not because I was still in love with my ex-boyfriend or because I wanted the relationship back. But because I didn’t allow myself to be alone for a while and work on the most important relationship I will ever have: the relationship with myself.
Also, I started to doubt the liaison with the man I’ve met after the break-up. Our priorities were too different.
That’s why I decided to give myself a dating break for six more months.
It was hard at the beginning and my first thoughts were:
“The next 6 months will be terribly boring.”
“You will feel lonely and isolated.”
“You’re 28 and you will have no sex life for half a year.”
But, after a while, something beautiful happened: I started to feel released and free. Actually, I’ve never been so released in my whole life!
It’s not always easy.
Sometimes I do feel lonely — also because I live alone and the pandemic is not the best time to meet lots of people, but that’s fine.
Most of the time I do what I want.
I feel a deep sense of freedom in my soul.
I explore and evolve more of my talents and enrich my life with as many fulfilling activities and experiences as possible.
I made myself a plan/journal to reflect on the things I wanted to do during the next six months. I’m truly happy to share them with you:
I started writing again!
When I was a teenager I used to write a lot.
Journaling, writing poems, short stories, or fantasy stories…the list was long. Somehow I lost this hobby during the years.
A few months ago, I started to write in my digital diary again. I immediately felt the healing effect of writing down my deepest thoughts and feelings. So I continued with journaling.
I feel how writing helps me to heal the wounds I have been hiding the last six months.
A friend of mine is a great writer. I consume her articles (and also lots of other articles on Medium) regularly.
A few weeks ago I decided to give it a try as well. I used the thoughts I wrote down in my diary and created articles about subjects that matter to me.
It gives me so much joy and fulfillment to write about my interests and convictions. Plus, writing helps me to heal the wounds I have been hiding for the last six months.
- If you are currently processing a break-up or another challenging experience it can be helpful to write down all your thoughts and feelings in a diary. Read this article if you want to learn more.
- When you cannot find closure, write letters to your ex-partner and mention everything that is on your mind. Of course, you don’t have to send the letters. Keep them somewhere or even burn them if it gives you a better feeling. You can also write a “movie script” for the ending you would have needed to move on.
- If writing has always been important to you and if you feel like you want to share your ideas, dreams, and experiences, think about writing a blog or share your thoughts on social media platforms. It’s fascinating how much positive reinforcement you will get and how many people can relate to your feelings.
2. Evolve my career
Two years ago I completed my 200h Yoga teacher training.
I’ve been teaching voluntarily for a few months and made a lot of progress in teaching. After the break-up, I decided that I wanted to focus more on my career. Even though teaching Yoga is only my part-time job, it’s very important for me to expand and develop my little business further.
A friend of mine created a beautiful website for me and I started with online yoga classes, two times a week. And it’s a success! I have regular clients and I earn a small but nice sum with my hobby every month.
I want to push this development in the next few months. Eventually, I will be able to reduce my job as a school teacher (which I love as well) to find a better personal balance in my life.
At the moment, this part of my life is the most fulfilling. I enjoy teaching Yoga so much, and my students give me lots of positive energy back. After every Yoga class, I feel happier and more motivated!
- Think about training, workshops, internships, apprenticeships you always wanted to do and sound out possibilities to realize them.
- Maybe you want to offer/create/produce services or products and establish a second mainstay next to your regular job.
- If you think that it’s time to leave your job, do it now! You are totally free and no one can hold you back. You can move to another city or country without risking your romantic relationship through long distance. A new career can also bring you lots of new positive experiences and acquaintances.
3. Take care of my body and mind
I’ve never been so fit in my life!
I enjoy the movements I do every day when I practice Yoga or when I run on the weekend. I also want to try out new sports like kickboxing when the studios open again after the lockdown.
I treat my body with essential oils and organic cosmetics. After my Yoga classes, I take a bath and read a good book in the bathtub.
Sometimes I turn Spotify on and just dance wildly to my favorite songs. I dance like nobody’s watching and I give my body the freedom to move.
When I want to do something for my mind: Meditation helps me to stay focused and balanced. I also saw a therapist last year. She is specialized in break-ups and helped me to come back to normal. I’m very thankful that I found her.
- Take your time for your sports practice especially in times of the pandemic.
- Give yourself at least one hour per day to do something good for your body. Walks, yoga, bathing, a massage,…There are many possibilities.
- Cook delicious and healthy meals for yourself. Find out what kind of recipes work for you.
- Search for a therapist if you feel like talking to someone about your issues. I promise: if you find the right person, your quality of life will change tremendously for the better.
There are many more activities you can do to fill your life with beautiful memories! Just to name some of them:
- Learning a new language or instrument
- Going to concerts or festivals
- Spending more time with your family
You have the power to shape your life and your relationships. When you allow yourself to stay alone for a while, you choose to commit to the relationship with yourself.
“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”
As I’m sitting here tonight with my cup of tea, looking out of the window, watching the snowfall, I feel that my heart can finally be peaceful. This dating-break is the best gift I’ve ever given to myself.
You deserve a peaceful heart as well!