Relationship Conflict: How I Stopped Withdrawing and Started Engaging
Don’t let angry silence ruin your relationship.
When I was younger, I was terrible at managing my emotions. If I wasn’t anxious, then I’d easily lose my temper or sulk.
My family members and close friends didn’t mind and were patient towards me, but romantic partners? Not so much.
It didn’t help that the boys I dated were either emotionally unavailable or have an avoidant attachment. I became more guarded and quickly learned that the only way to get them to pay attention to me was by withdrawing.
So, whenever I was sad or disappointed at something they did, I immediately gave them the silent treatment and retreated into my shell as a way to protect myself as well as punishing them.
They had to guess what the problem was and chased after me, trying to win me back. I felt satisfied and powerful when they frantically sent me multiple text messages or left me several missed calls because they wanted my attention.
It was a constant push-and-pull dynamic that caused my emotions to go up and down and heightened my anxiety. Sometimes, the boys threw in the towel, and it was my turn to chase them. It was toxic and left me with nothing but resentment and traumatising breakups.
