Freedom is a very interesting thing. It can give us a sense of autonomy, a feeling of great power. But, sometimes, it has the power to set us adrift. And I’ll wager you have flipped both sides of the coin, right?

Before I met my partner, I was a walking contradiction. I wanted to be free, roaming my own way. I also harboured a desire to meet that special someone who has my back, understands me, and wants what I want from life.

My dating history, like many around the world, has been tumultuous at best.

I’ve hurt people, I’ve been hurt. And I never quite figured out which side I would rather be on. The guilt of breaking someone’s heart is just too awful to bear. Yet, the heartache involved when someone doesn’t want you…well, that sucks endlessly. …

Shortly after my break-up last year I got to know someone I really liked (and still like).

As I was feeling so terribly sad and lonely, this sudden acquaintance helped me to escape from my grief. I’m still very thankful for the great days and nights I spent with him. Having someone interested in me gave me the feeling that there was more to life than my last relationship.

My ex-boyfriend was traveling and hanging out with the girl he got to know during the last months of our relationship. She is his new girlfriend now, but that’s another story.

Anyway, I was convinced that I had to move on as quickly as possible. …

You’re probably familiar with the advice, “Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.”

Several studies have found that going to the supermarket on an empty stomach leads to not only buying high-calorie groceries that are bad for you but also overspending on the items you don’t need.

One of the reasons is self-control— hungry people are more likely to grab instant food that satisfies their cravings than to buy healthy ingredients and spend time cooking a proper meal.

In a nutshell, they make bad decisions that they often regret later.

The same logic could be applied to dating.

If you use dating apps when you’re lonely, you’re likely to pick unsuitable people to date. …

This is the advice my college therapist gave me after listening to me cry in her office about unhealthy relationships I had no plans of abandoning.

That one phrase made something click that changed how I view my previous painful relationships and how I navigate current ones.

My previous relationships were riddled with a dependence that I had failed to recognize or acknowledge. My feelings relied on my partner’s performance in our relationship.

Being the unhealthy relationships they were, I was permanently sad and exhausted because my needs weren’t being met.

I thought it was more important to meet their needs than honor my own. If I became their ideal girlfriend, if I made them happy, everything would be perfect. …

In the dating world, future fakers are people who sell the idea of a future to get what they want in the present.

If you’re looking for a genuine, serious relationship, it can be incredibly frustrating and painful to fall victim to a future faker.

They come across charming and keen and know just the right things to say. They lead you to believe that you’re the world to them only to drop you at a drop of a hat when you’ve become attached to them.

You have no idea what was real and what was fake. You end up getting hung up on them and making excuses for their behaviours while feeling foolish for letting them treat you that way. …

When my long-distance (ex) boyfriend of one month and a half broke up with me then gave me the silent treatment, I was traumatised. I was only eighteen. I struggled to accept the fact that someone who claimed to care about me and love me could suddenly leave me and treat me like I didn’t exist.

After that, I developed severe dating anxiety. I was scared of being ignored and blocked in texts. When a partner pulled away, I clung to them even harder as my fear of abandonment and rejection crippled me. …

Every relationship has a power dynamic.

In healthy relationships, two partners have equal or close-to-equal power. It means that both partners have similar abilities to exert influence over the relationship, and this influence is generally positive and reciprocal.

Though, the power can come from different sources. For example, one partner might have better financial power while the other has more social power. These different power sources are respected and valued by both partners, which creates a healthy balance in the relationship.

On the other hand, some relationships can have an imbalance of power. …

Before my 25th birthday, I lived a very different life from my life now: no therapy, no knowledge of many of my emotional issues, no daily writing, moving from apartment to apartment, feeling lost, weak boundaries, low self-esteem, and full of fear.

I was naive, raw, and authentic; I grieve that self often. For a moment, I thought about the people who used to be a big part of my life and wondered what they would think of me now. The people I chose because I hated myself. …