Self-pity? No, thanks!

21.8.2017

You know that feeling when you get an idea you want to pursue and then you realize it’s not so authentic as you thought. Already soooo many people done it and present it as well. God damn it!

I often have this experience when I want to write about something and then I find out is already out there. And not just that: it is done perfectly! It is written great, with a touch of humor and nicely packed in web design. I don’t think I could do it better! This huge burden of dissatisfaction lies on my shoulders. If the arrow of envy pinches me as well, I fell even worse.

After a second of unnecessary self-pity, I realize I was lucky to find someone who shares the same interest and vision as I do. That is a great news! Why feel down instead of feeling grateful? If I wouldn’t have an idea and googled it, I wouldn’t know that someone who is really talented is walking around. Why not take them as inspiration? I could even contact them and make some new friendships.

After I have some inner dialog with my ego, he explains to me that even though I don’t like him much, it is hurtful for him when I start with insults. Sentences like: “You are nothing special! You are a joke! You are silly!”, cause nothing else but pain. This pain travels from my chests to my legs and arms. It spreads like an infectious disease. It paralyses me. The result is nothing more than, well, doing nothing.

I practice this nothingness until I realize that I am not silly, I am acting silly. Do I want to be that whiny, unsatisfied, complaining person? Hell no! Am I acting in a way that I wouldn’t be like that? Not at all.

What can I do about it? (Already my ego is dancing celebrating dance inside me: Oh yeah, she’s back, oh yeah.) I’ll do what I like to do. I will write even though it is already written. I will dance the moves already seen. I will explore destinations already explored. And I will love it!

In our world today it is silly to fuss about things that are already presented. When we go to a supermarket and see shelves full of the same products in different packages. Do we fuss about it? Well, actually I do because I have to decide over something is not really important. I just want a toothpaste! Do they need to be in 50 different packages? I think I lost my point here. My point is: I guess they do need to be. Maybe we are at that stage when we have to practice our decision making on every step. It is not important which toothpaste you choose, they will probably all do their job. But it is important that you decide! You decide and you take action. You buy that toothpaste. Maybe you will stick with it for the rest of your life. Maybe you will change your mind and choose a different one. As long you are doing it, you are making the progress. (This was metaphorically speaking. I do not promote consumption or capitalism. You can bite roots and lick mint leaves if you prefer. I even encourage you to act on that decision.)

I have brown hair and brown eyes like millions of other girls in the world. But my awesome guy chose me to be by his side. He chose me to be the mother of his kids. And they are amazing. Why me? He liked me the way I am. He felt the attraction, he felt love and he felt me. It is the same with doing what you love. I won’t discover hot water with my writings. But I will attract similarly minded people who will truly felt me. I am sure of it.