King Rubius and The Great Day of People’s Celebration of Kingly Appreciation in Lavish Magnificence and All Things Good

Once upon a time, there lived King Rubius, Ruler of Eld. He was a kind and powerful king and, though taken to bouts of rambling, was much loved by his people. King Rubius never used his power or wealth for evils. Instead, he chose to ensure that his people were always warm in winter, well-fed, and had plenty of mead. Because of this, his people happily stayed, and others became part of the kingdom every day.

One day, King Rubius made a decision. He wanted to show his appreciation for the many people who chose to live in his kingdom by throwing the most grandiose, extravagant, magnificent celebration in their honor. He knew this would be a good idea because everybody would want to come to a party thrown by such a loved king, and even if he had enemies they would come, because, free food.

With the date of the party set in one week’s time, preparations began immediately. His royal writers wrote lengthy letters on a fancy silk scroll, the elaborately elongated invitation dictated by King Rubius himself. When the scroll was finished, it wrapped the length of his Great Hall twice. King Rubius felt satisfied that this was the fanciest, most informative invitation to ever exist. He also felt very strongly that his people would show up for the ball quite eagerly because, they would reason, if the invitation is that fancy, surely the part would be as well.

His royal herald was sent forth, posting the wordy invite in the center of town, and reading aloud the declarations of good will and intentions. Initially, the townsfolk gathered to listen, but when the herald couldn’t reach the end the listeners became confused and bored. One by one they dropped from the crowd until finally the herald stood alone, with nobody to listen. Too tired to continue, the wearisome worker left his lonesome post and walked into a tavern, nursing his fatigued eyes and sore throat with stouts and porters.

Finally, The Great Day of People’s Celebration of Kingly Appreciation in Lavish Magnificence and All Things Good began. The castle was draped in finery, the tables were laden with various assortments of food and drink, and over one thousand tall candles set the entire Great Hall aglow.

King Rubius was ecstatic, excited, delighted, and thrilled. He sat on his throne, chalice in hand and ready to toast the first arrivals. He waited. He waited, and waited, and waited some more. The fresh, hot food became cold. The tall candles melted into pools of wax along the tables. For the first time in a very long time, King Rubius had a reason to frown. He didn’t understand why nobody showed up for the celebration.

The next day, King Rubius sent for his royal herald. “Why did nobody come to the celebration?” he asked. “Because,” the royal herald answered, “nobody knew there was a celebration. The invitation was so long, nobody could read it in its entirety!”

Moral: Keep length of text short and to the point, or you might miss out on an audience.