How to Break a Trauma Bond and Get Out of an Abusive Relationship
The fastest and most effective ways
1. If you have made the decision to break up with a narcissist, the easiest way to do so is by criticizing them. But they are very vengeful and vindictive, so in addition to the desire to respond by destroying you with words, they may subject you to physical violence. Therefore, pretend to be a depleted resource: complain more often, ask for help, material and other. The narcissist will vanish very soon. If you’re lucky, you won’t see them again. But usually they come back. You have to be prepared for this.
If you live on his territory, secretly rent your own housing, and transport the most necessary things there (you can do this little by little when you go to the supermarket etc.) If you don’t have any money of your own, start working or secretly save from what he gives you to buy groceries. If you don’t have any money, ask friends to shelter you in the beginning or call the nearest shelter (relatives may try to reconcile you and they may reveal your getaway plans to the abuser. Toxic personalities often charm the relatives of their victims, so the relatives might not believe the victims and they may take the side of the abuser.)
Get a new phone so that the abuser can’t track your new location through the SIM card or a special app that he might install on your phone secretly from you — toxic personalities are often paranoid and monitor their partners because they suspect cheating. Turn off your old phone every time you go to the new place before you make your getaway. When leaving, take all your money and documents with you, and the same goes for your children’s documents. Do not tell the abusive partner that you are leaving: he may beg you to stay and you might change your mind (know that the abuse will resume very soon and with even greater force) or he will immediately fall into a rage and you’ll find yourself in danger.
2. “Can’t forget my vampire.” Many people who have been in relationships with narcissists still miss them, despite all the bad things that happened. This is a quality of the human psyche — in general, we remember things fondly. For this exact situation, you need records of how he ignored, gaslit, accused, mocked, and tried to remake you, erasing your personality and transforming you into a more convenient living robot.
Record these things immediately after they happen, or as soon as you can. Read them in those moments when your hand moves towards the phone. When you write these records and then read them, you make the realization: if he really loved you, then he wouldn’t have suppressed, humiliated, mocked, or left you in trouble without help.
3. The first three days after breaking up are the hardest. Don’t try to stifle your feelings, and don’t let others do so either. Let your pain out, cry as much as you need to — it’s better to do it now, otherwise, these emotions will remain in your body as chronic tension, which will then result in psychosomatics, and then in real illnesses.
4. The most difficult part will be fighting the strong sense of longing for the ex in the first few months. If you broke up, then soon, in addition to “withdrawal” without your regular dose of pleasure hormones (I explain how toxic people hook you and keep you hooked here), the craving for dopamine (the goal achievement hormone) will increase: you’ll remember how good the beginning of the relationship was when you fell in love with the narc demo-version because of their mirroring you, love bombing and future faking.
In response your body will produce dopamine, pushing you to pursue this source of joy. This is true of any diet: very soon, you’ll start to crave the forbidden and unhealthy, but favorite dishes. According to research, the cravings will grow in the first 60–90 days, then they’ll start to die down. So now you know that it will get easier. Yes, it’ll be hard at first, even very hard, as with any drug detox, but it will only last a few months.
To rid yourself of the addiction, you need to stop associating your abuser with feelings of pleasure. If you start longing for your vampire, remember: this is due to a temporary hormone imbalance. And due to the unavoidable difficulties of living alone (but think soberly: did he really help you that much? No, he only made lots of promises). Have patience and know that in six months to a year, you’ll feel as if you’ve returned to the living after a serious disease.
5. If you end up calling anyone, let it be a friend. It’s great if you have loved ones with whom you can share your pain: confidential conversations contribute to mental relief by producing healing oxytocin and other “hormones of joy.” At the same time, the pathological neural pathways laid by the trauma bond in your brain are weakened, helping you to get rid of your dangerous addiction to the abuser! You’ll also be welcomed into support groups on social media sites for those who have suffered from abuse.
6. If you don’t have the opportunity to talk to someone else, you can also use free-form writing as a therapeutic technique. For example, write a letter to your abuser. Maybe in reality he constantly shut you up and gaslit you, but now you can say everything you wanted to say to him! Release your resentment and anger and leave them on the page!
This way, you’ll get rid of the emotions plaguing you, while also realizing that this relationship was destructive for you. Just don’t send the letter! He won’t understand. Many narcissists and psychopaths are unable to acknowledge their own share of the responsibility for causing someone harm, for their own actions and inactions. Your narc may also try to get you back, assuring you that “I realized everything,” — but be assured that you’d be returning to one of the circles of hell.
Remember: usually narcissists and psychopaths DO NOT change. And real change requires serious work with a psychotherapist. If your narcissist agrees to treatment, you can risk going back only AFTER he is done working with a doctor (otherwise, your “player” won’t have any stimulus to get better and he’ll stop going to therapy as soon as you go back).
If you have been dumped, find closure by writing the reasons why you are ending the relationship. This is important because relationships that haven’t “officially” ended will remain “open” in your unconscious mind and you will continue to wait for this person, even if your mind says “This is pointless, it’s all over”. If you start to talk to new men without putting an end to your exes, you’ll continue to play out this old relationship with new partners, unconsciously taking your fear and pain out on them — which, naturally, won’t lead to anything good.
7. All those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, when leaving them, as well as during the abuse itself, are constantly consumed by obsessive thoughts: “What if I had said/done this? Maybe then everything would have turned out differently, better?” Alas, it wouldn’t work! Narcissists and other toxic people place all the blame for relationship problems (and even their own lives and moods) on their partners and everyone around them. Do not fall for these manipulations!
If you have already begun to realize that it was not your actions that caused the abuse, you will want justice, recognition of how much energy, care, and love you gave to this person, often sacrificing yourself and your interests and needs — this can also cause rumination. However, nothing you say will make the narcissist acknowledge your merit and their abusive and consumerist attitude in return: these selfish people have no empathy. They will never admit their guilt. And they will never sympathize with you.
Therefore, try not to think about this person or your relationship, and turn your thoughts to anything else, and it’s highly desirable that they’re pleasant (your children, your plans for the future, etc.). Because the more you obsess, the harder it will be to break free from the vicious cycle of the trauma bond: when you think about your ex, it will only strengthen the neuron pathways in your brain.
In addition, the more you long for the sweet lies of the first few days, the greater the high the narcissist will experience, feeling from a distance that you are still under his power (they have something like an extrasensory radar, as many have noted. So once you throw the narc out of your head for good, you start to see signs of him everywhere!) Don’t waste your energy feeding your tormentor and the pathological neural connections he has formed in your brain!
8. Pray, ask God/the Universe to give you strength to survive this initial difficult period.
9. Any physical activity will help a lot. Even a brisk half — hour walk or dancing will stimulate the production of endorphins WITHOUT provoking a cortisol/adrenaline rush. Longer bouts of physical activity or short, but intense workouts will also jumpstart the production of endocannabinoids.
According to the latest scientific evidence, endorphins and endocannabinoids not only reduce the effects of stress and improve mood on their own and by stimulating the production of dopamine but also help fight any harmful addictions (including traumatic emotional-hormonal connection). So when the longing for your ex reaches a peak, go out for a run, start cleaning your home, or “dance out” your pain.
10–15. At least in the first six months or a year after breaking up, try not to communicate with your ex. Block them on social networks and messengers. Throw out all the things that remind you of them, especially photos. Try to avoid any triggers that can awaken memories, and behind them longing and a desire to return: do not visit places where you have been together, do not listen to “your” songs.
In general, in the first six months or a year after breaking up, avoid songs and films about love, especially sad ones. At this point, it’s better for you to watch comedies. Listen to music that boosts your mood: countless experiments have shown that this has an analgesic effect by raising the level of endorphins and dopamine. Therefore, music therapy is a popular treatment method today. It will be doubly effective if you move your body! For example, dancing while doing housework.
After ending your relationship, an absence (or minimum if you share custody) of contact is necessary to distance yourself from the toxic personality that has been tormenting and destroying you. The “No Contact” approach is self-care.
If you share custody, minimum any contacts, better via text messages (you can use any written threats as evidence of abuse), and if in person then in public places.
However, if the breakup has activated your old childhood traumas, raising your anxiety levels to the point of a panic attack, psychotherapist Alan Robarge suggests using an alternative approach, called “Conscious Contact.” It’s based on an understanding of the body’s physiological reactions to separation.
In addition, if you have an unhealed attachment injury or childhood abandonment wound (your parents always had to go to work, and even when they were nearby, it was as if they weren’t there — or rather, that you weren’t there in their eyes) then most likely your body is flooded with stress hormones due to the fact that it experienced rejection in connection with the former partner. As a result, there is a strong need to feel “close” through any kind of “childish” tricks — for example, driving past the ex’s house or calling them just to hear their voice on the answering machine, etc.
Conscious contact is not a long-term solution, but as a short-term tool, it can help you free your body and mind from fixating on the deep separation anxiety. The goal is to have a brief impersonal (i.e. no communication. This is very important!) contact with your ex so that you can calm down. For example, you can go to their social media page.
Remember the concept of “double mothership?” The partners of narcissists are tormented by (absurd from others’ point of view) feeling that the former will get into trouble without them as if the narc really is a helpless child. However, when you go to your ex’s page, you’ll find that the narc is perfectly alright. And not only do they not yearn for you (as you probably thought, projecting your feelings onto them) — no, they’re already working full force on courting new victims.
As self-aware malignant narcissist Sam Vaknin explains, narcissists cannot live a day without “narcissistic supply” (i.e. attention) — so immediately after a breakup, they begin a relationship with someone else. And it’s far more likely that the narcissist has simply activated those connections that they previously kept hidden from you!
Seeing that your loved one has already forgotten about you (during the dumping stage, a narcissist’s ex becomes the personification of all the world’s evil) will hurt you, very much. But at the same time, it will help you realize that life goes on — for the ex and for you. Only now, your paths have diverged.
Do not scold yourself for your “spinelessness” or “madness” — be merciful to yourself. Now you know what you should start working on. And such brief conscious contact will help you cope with excessive anxiety. Conscious Contact has been introduced as an alternative to No Contact, which can create a risk of retraumatization for people with attachment and/or abandonment traumas.
16. Gradually, the longing will change or alternate back and forth with anger at the abuser and at yourself: “How could I allow myself to be treated like this?” You gave your love and care, and in return, you received manipulation and abuse, this is unfair and painful. You didn’t deserve this treatment! You will be offended that you spent so much time, effort, and your best feelings on someone who was and is unable to appreciate it.
Don’t beat yourself up: narcissists and psychopaths can fool anyone. They can manipulate even professional psychologists and psychotherapists, charming and fooling them, turning facts about themselves and others upside down.
Don’t listen to those who tell you to “forgive, let it go and forget already,” or “you should be glad that you’re done with this asshole.” When ending any relationship, it is natural to experience severe pain and a whole range of negative emotions. In order to let go and fully live on, you need to live through the anger, as well as the mourning from the fact that you are not together, that nothing worked out — and it will never work out with such a person. If you suppress your feelings (any of them, especially strong ones), it will all be directed into the unconscious and result in psychosomatic conditions and other diseases.
Anger is energy. Direct it towards some project or into cleaning up your home and your life, or any physical activity (beating a pillow, running, dancing, etc), charging you up with endorphins.
Remember: you have a right to all your emotions! And to sympathy. First and foremost, you must show it to yourself! You will know that you’ve been cured when the terrible bitterness and anger towards him and at yourself is replaced by slight sadness and regret.
17. Meditate — meditation harmonizes the work of the brain, and as a result the whole body, helping you quickly get out of the painful “withdrawal” stage while breaking the trauma bond. A very simple, but at the same time effective meditation technique is to follow your breath, breathing with your stomach, making your exhale twice as long as you inhale (for example, using a 4–8 count). Controlling the breath, stabilizing and slowing it down, soothes and relaxes you.
Calm, measured breathing reduces the activity of the sympathetic nervous system, which continues to keep you in a state of tension and chronic stress even when the danger is no longer present. Studies have shown that a rate of 4–7 breaths per minute (counting from the beginning of one inhale to the next) is optimal. If any thoughts or emotions come up while meditating, try to observe them as if watching from the sidelines, without holding on to them, or letting go. You are MORE than these fleeting states!
Another effective meditation is to imagine yourself in a pleasant, safe place, real or imaginary (but you should feel the sand under your feet, and a fresh breeze on your face, everything is as if in reality, feeling the joy of life).
Or move your attention to something beautiful: the sky, trees (this is the simplest kind of meditation). Take just two minutes a day for yourself! Meditation not only heals but also perfectly soothes and improves your mood.
18–19. Breaking up with a narcissist frees up a lot of time and energy. Before you were always trying to please your vampire. And after parting ways, many survivors of narcissistic abuse do not understand what to do with this wealth of energy. Start taking care of yourself! Finally. Fill your extra free time with the things you like and have long wanted to do. Try something new. If you don’t like it, that’s okay, that’s how you learn about who you are now (“thanks” to the narcissist, you may no longer remember who you were before).
20. If you feel exhausted, like a living corpse, and just want to lie down and turn off your brain by binge—watching a tv show, it’s important that you maintain at least a minimal amount of activity (work/study, a half hour walk/daily cleaning) so as not to fall into a real depression (getting out of it will be much more difficult.) And it’s very important to communicate with friends at least once a week, at least by phone.
If you don’t have anyone close who will support you and not criticize, who won’t shut you up and won’t unload their own problems on someone who already feels bad, then there are support groups for victims of abuse on social media. It will also help to talk to a psychologist. And yet your inner circle, where you feel safe, where you are always ready to listen and not be judged, is indispensable for your mental health and happiness. There should be more than two people in your inner circle so that you always have the opportunity to ask for help in times of crisis. Don’t forget to reciprocate!
21. Once you’ve come to and ended your unhealthy addiction to your vampire, try giving good guys a chance. At first, my husband also seemed boring to me. But no relationship is ever boring! Give yourself and the other person a chance. Moreover, no one is forcibly dragging you to the altar (but if your boyfriend insists on getting married within a month or even a couple of weeks after you meet, this is just a reason to be wary: this is a manipulator, or someone who is not quite mentally sound (a narcissist, borderline personality, histrionic), because normal people consider their life partners carefully, as choosing one is a very serious matter. Six months or a year between acquaintance and official registration of the relationship is the optimal period).
It is best not to enter into a new relationship within the first six months after breaking up with a narcissist/psychopath, as your psyche is too shattered at the time. Although new relationships and even “friends with benefits” are a great way to make a change. It’s like drinking the water of life, feeling that someone is finally taking care of you, and not with words, but with deeds. However, since you are very vulnerable at first after the break up with the abuser, you run the risk of falling into the trap of a new vampire, who at first will pretend to be your “savior.”
Another trap that awaits you is that you can become very distrustful and suspect every new acquaintance of being an abuser. In fact, there are many good people. There are also men who are decent, but not suited for you.
It should be added here that in addition to narcissists and psychopaths, you can also run into a Machiavellian manipulator. Formally, they can be considered normal, since they don’t have a personality disorder, but for some reason, they have no conscience either. Such types are terrible cynics — they, just like narcissists and psychopaths, treat others as consumable, something to use and throw away. Machiavellians are often pick-up artists and treat bedding women like a sport.
You need to be prepared and comfortable with the fact that you have to go on dates with perhaps dozens of candidates before you find one you want to continue talking to. Don’t spill your guts to anyone in the first month: at first, all men are attracted to mystery. Secondly, you won’t give the other person any leverage to control you if they suddenly turn out to be a manipulator.
Remember: trust must be earned. See if the person keeps his promises. Try to tell a couple of hard, but not the most painful facts from your past, and then see if this new acquaintance tries to shame you or use this information to push your buttons, or blab about it to others.
In general, trust your intuition! If it whispers “something is wrong,” if you catch yourself thinking “I probably misunderstood” and you feel more and more insecure, fears, guilty — these are all causes for alarm. If you’re feeling exhausted, as if you talked with an energy vampire, then this person is toxic to you, even if he seems good (but is most likely a covert narcissist).
Do not try to determine what kind of defect this toxic “player” has: these kinds of people all have a destructive effect on the lives of anyone they come across. Remember: relationships should not feel worse than when you were alone! And you should not have the feeling that the responsibility for the happiness of the relationship and your partner lies solely with you.
Next to a narcissist, a psychopath, or a manipulative Machiavellian, you will always feel lonely. These kinds of relationships will have none of the most important things that people get into relationships for in the first place: warmth, true intimacy, trust, and support.
You cannot rely on such a partner. At first, all these toxic personalities are masters of active listening, but very soon it becomes obvious that they do not care about you and your problems. They will try to shut you up by devaluing your feelings. And by turning the conversation on themselves. But a normal and good person will listen and support at least in word, and even better indeed.
When looking for a worthy life partner and in general while you are slowly transitioning into a normal life from the pit of guilt and insecurity that the narcissist has driven you into, repeat to yourself: “I can handle everything. I deserve love and happiness.”
22. Good news: sex with a “regular” man can be just as amazing as sex with narcissists and psychopaths! Try to fulfill each other’s love fantasies. Read a couple of books and watch educational videos about sex techniques. I also recommend tantra — this will greatly increase the pleasure experienced by both partners and not just during orgasm. And before lovemaking, you can get a safe, but exciting dose of noradrenaline with adrenaline — and, then, endorphins and dopamine, which will give you additional positive emotions, up to euphoria.
It’s easy to do this, and there are many different ways: for example, going on amusement park rides with an element of risk. Or you can watch any sports, and participate in them yourself (in general, any kind of sport/physical activity will work, and 20–30 minutes is enough. You can just take a fast walk or dance vigorously). Climb up to an observation deck, and take a walk through unfamiliar places in your metropolis or outside the city. Finally, run a piece of ice over each other’s erogenous zones :)
If you go on an adventure to get a harmless dose of adrenaline + endorphins, you will find that all the same vivid emotions (excitement and, then, a feeling full of life and happiness) are possible and with a new partner — and even without a man at all, if you decide to ride a roller coaster/hot air balloon/horses/bicycles and so on with friends, family or on your own. And sex after such an adventure will be marvelous, even with a “normal” partner.
23. Aside from the physiological dependence, you’ll also continue to have a psychological dependence for some time. Specifically, Stockholm Syndrome: as counterintuitive as it may seem, victims often tend to defend their tormentors, blaming themselves for behaving badly! No, you’re not crazy and you’re not a masochist. It’s just your psyche’s coping mechanism.
In addition, if you haven’t had experience with normal relationships, you simply don’t know that things can be different. If you’ve lived through abuse in your childhood/other relationships, you may not understand what you should be looking for — and against the background of your parents and exes, this narcissist may seem like a fine guy. This is how it was for me until I met my husband. There were also a couple of male friends I had who were decent people. I saw how they acted and realized that they would never treat women the way my exes had. But I took no interest in these friends as members of the opposite sex (despite all their good looks). This also frequently happens to those who have experienced abuse: you unconsciously perceive reliable potential partners as something too unfamiliar, like aliens — and as those who will leave you anyway, since you turned out to be flawed even for the bad guys (from their point of view). You need a lot of motivation to break free of this vicious circle. Working with a psychologist will help you a lot. First of all, it will accelerate the process of freeing yourself from psychological dependence on your abuser. Secondly, it will help you to understand yourself, to believe that you deserve good treatment.
One important point: a specialist should never moralize or shame you! The fact is that there are many victims of narcissistic abuse among psychologists (you need to find one who understands what you had to go through from personal experience. And it’s better if they’re the same gender as you) — but there are also narcissists who become therapists, the narcs prefer professions where they can have power over others (teachers, priests, psychologists).
I once posted a question in a professional community for psychologists and psychotherapists on Facebook, and among the adequate answers I received was this one: “She wants to know this so she can manipulate R. better.” See how narcissistic projections work? “I no longer communicate with R. and wanted to understand whether such behavior is possible for a normal person in principle, or whether it’s definitely narcissistic. Although it has already become clear to me that a decent person would not behave this way in any case,” I replied, and blocked the “Dr. Super Smart.”
However, another psychologist from the same group began to actively impose his services on me, suggesting that I needed them desperately since I was unaware of my own abundant negative qualities (recognize the behavior again?) “Thanks for the advice,” I replied and stopped responding to his harassment. It was important for me to warn you because no one deserves to fall into the net of a new narcissist when they’re looking for help. Also, know that there are still more adequate and decent specialists among psychologists and psychotherapists than narcs and manipulators who are hungry for your money!
24. Studying psychology will also be 100% useful (at least read popular books on the subject and watch videos on YouTube.) Understanding yourself and others greatly increases the chance that you will be satisfied, have more harmonious relationships with others, and find exactly the person you need (while being able to quickly weed out the “shit in a shiny wrapper” and “wolves in sheep’s clothing”). I highly recommend reading about love languages. These are spending time, words of affirmation, touch, gifts, and acts of service. Each of us has 1–2 dominant love languages, and it’s not guaranteed that your partner will have the same ones. As a result, a man who wants to spend more time with his loved one might be offended, as she’s busy with tidying the house or cooking, and in addition, calls him “stupid” little affectionate nicknames. But this is her form of expressing love!
It’s also very important to understand what types of attachment you and your loved ones have. They are formed before the age of two years, depending on how the main caregiver takes care of the child (most often it is the mother, but there may be a granny, a nanny, etc.). Secure attachment style forms if the baby is quickly consoled when the infant cries. Anxious or preoccupied attachment style forms if the child had to cry for quite some time before anyone paid attention. Avoidant attachment style forms when the baby screams, but to no avail. So, the child falls silent in despair. Finally, anxious-avoidant (or fearful-avoidant, disorganized) attachment style forms because of abuse and neglect. It happens when the caregivers (who should be a source of safety) are rather a source of fear.
How much does your attachment style affect your life? “A child is born with two basic needs: attachment and authenticity. If authenticity threatens attachment, attachment trumps authenticity. If our attachment needs are not met, this is the source of all pathology, whether physical or mental.” explains famous physician Dr.Gabor Maté. If a child is constantly forced to adapt to the specific (sometimes very) requirements of adults, suppressing their natural needs and feelings, they are distanced from their ability to understand themselves, believe in themselves, to love themselves as they are. In the future, such a person is practically guaranteed increased anxiety and a tendency towards depression, as well as the inability to respond to inevitable stresses and disagreements in a flexible and constructive way.
The “anxious” people tend to try to please people around them and especially their partners too much, as if begging for attention, and the “avoiders” repel others (following the principle “it’s better to be alone than to be hurt by being abandoned”). The more the anxious person clings, the more distant the avoider becomes. Anxious people are doomed to constantly face what they fear the most: being rejected (and the more they care, the more they are pushed away by their adored avoiders — which, of course, hurts). While avoiders and anxious-avoiders can lose whole years of their lives yearning for someone who is unavailable (they unconsciously choose these kinds of “mates”) and/or load themselves up to their ears with work. As a result, for example, I will never have children — it’s too late, my health will not allow it. By the way, narcissists have an avoidant or anxious-avoidant attachment style. Distinguishing a normal avoidant from a narcissist is easy enough: an avoidant man without NPD will say “I want to be alone” when he feels he needs to work things out. If you keep pestering him, he can become rude so you’ll leave him for a while, but he won’t shame or impose guilt on you like narcissists. Such people are also prone to cheating — or rather, to hookups, because they don’t believe in love. That is, they are afraid to believe, especially since they have never seen such examples. Even their mothers didn’t really love them.
You could learn from my book Over the Rainbow what kind of amazing bullshit occurs when two people with anxious-avoidant attachment styles try to build a relationship: every time “my” irresistible (then for me) narc Roberto took a step towards me, I immediately took a step back — or rather, immediately ran back as far as possible. And I justified it all very logically to myself!
The good news: your attachment style can be changed by working on yourself, at any age! And there are quite a few people with secure attachment styles who are suitable for living together: about 25%.
Know that toxic vampires were able to charm you and feed off of you because of your unhealed childhood traumas. If emotional and other kinds of abuse in your childhood was the norm, if you did not feel support from those closest to you (this causes abandonment trauma), and on the contrary, your family was perceived as something unsafe (and, as a result, an attachment trauma was formed), you remain at a high risk of finding yourself in abusive relationships again. Because not only toxic personalities are drawn to you, but you are also drawn to them! If a person who grew up in abuse and neglect meets a narcissist or psychopath, they don’t repel the potential victim with their manipulativeness and callousness, as happens with healthy people — on the contrary, people with difficult childhoods find it familiar and even attractive. Because it’s like they’re home. In addition, during the love bombing stage, narcissists pretend to be “the best moms in the world,” promising to heal your childhood traumas — but in fact, they are not going to do it! Instead, they will constantly and deliberately pick at your old wounds, and add new ones, abusing you in the same way that your parents did before. Perhaps even worse.
Abandonment trauma leads you to choose people similar to your parents again and again in order to unconsciously “rewrite” the past so that it finally stops hurting. By the right of being born, you deserved attention, care, and love. You didn’t receive them. And you can’t receive love and care from those who are incapable of it.
However, the past does not determine your future! Perhaps now it seems to you that you are no longer worthy of love in your current body and mental condition. And yet you are a unique person! There is no other like you on Earth! So love yourself, appreciate your strengths, and work on what you can improve. Now you are an adult and your life is in your hands!
If you take on the healing of your childhood traumas (both through psychotherapy and through working on yourself, which is a must even while in therapy), you will feel much more confident. And better, even physically. It will also keep you safe from getting into new toxic relationships later on.
“Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual. That is, we act out of autopilot,” psychotherapist Alan Robarge says. “Our autopilot response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The good news is that we can rewire our brain’s attachment blueprint and create healthy relationships that last and thrive.”
TO BE CONTINUED! There will be even MORE IMPORTANT information in my new posts! Especially for people traumatized by toxic partners and narcissistic parents. Stay tuned to find out how to protect yourself from toxic personalities, how to heal from abuse, and how to get rid of malware of codependency and CPTSD. How to find and keep real love, how to create healthy relationships!
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