Self Improvement
10 Things You Don’t Realize You’re Doing Due to Low Self-Esteem
Discover How Low Self-Esteem Affects You Every Day
Ever catch yourself apologizing for no real reason?
Or maybe you’re the queen or king of self-deprecating jokes.
These are just a couple subtle signs of something deeper — low self-esteem.
Low self-worth often flies under the radar, manifesting in subconscious habits and thought patterns that reinforce the underlying beliefs of “I’m not good enough.”
Want to kick that critical inner voice to the curb and start building authentic confidence?
First, you need to get clear on how low self-esteem is currently showing up in your life.
Here are 10 things you may be doing without even realizing it’s rooted in a lack of self-worth:
- Constant Apologizing
“Sorry, can I ask a quick question?”
“Sorry for telling that boring story earlier.” “Sorry for taking up space.”
Sound familiar? Yep, overdoing the sorrys is a hallmark self-esteem issue. You’re unconsciously operating from a mindset of not deserving to take up space or make requests.
Here’s the thing though — constantly apologizing for existing minimizes your worth and keeps you functioning from a place of shame. Like you need to make up for the inconvenience of, well, being you.
It’s a tough habit to break because it’s so ingrained. But here’s a simple mindset shift: You deserve to take up space in this world just as much as anyone else. You don’t need to apologize for breathing the same air. Unless you’re actually inconveniencing someone, save the sorrys for when they’re truly warranted.
- People Pleasing
Always find yourself saying yes, even when you desperately want to say no? Struggling to set firm boundaries? This often stems from a core belief that you have to go along with what others want in order to be accepted and liked.
Look, being cooperative and considering other people’s needs is awesome. That’s just basic human decency. But when you’re a total doormat who can’t say no to anything without anxiety eating you up inside? That’s people pleasing territory.
And where does this tendency come from? A lack of self-worth and self-love. You don’t feel inherently deserving of others’ care and respect, so you bend over backwards trying to earn it instead. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work and you end up resenting everyone.
The only way out of the people pleasing trap is to start putting your own needs first sometimes. Prioritize your happiness, comfort levels, and wellbeing — without guilt. You’re just as important as anyone else you’re bending over backwards for.
- Giving Up Too Easily
Do you bail on a goal or project at the first sign of struggle? Our self-talk often explains this habit (“I’m not cut out for this” or “Why did I even try?”). Low self-esteem breeds a fixed mindset where you see failures as a reflection of your self-worth instead of opportunities to learn and grow.
Here’s the hard truth: Nothing worth achieving in this world comes easy. Any new skill or big dream is going to involve challenges, setbacks, and good ol’ fashioned struggle. It’s all part of the process.
The difference between a confident person and someone with low self-esteem? The confident person expects roadblocks and develops resilience for pushing through them. They don’t see a setback as evidence that they suck and should just quit.
If you’re quitting on your goals and dreams at the first sign of turbulence, dig deeper. What beliefs about your capabilities and self-worth are driving that behavior? What would it look like to embrace obstacles as opportunities to grow, rather than confirmations that you’re not good enough?
- Codependent Relationships
Relying excessively on a partner’s approval, struggling with clinginess or jealousy, having a hard time expressing your needs — these toxic patterns are often byproducts of seeking externally what you lack internally: self-love and confidence. Healthy relationships require being a whole person on your own first.
I get it, we all crave intimacy, affection, and knowing we’re truly loved for who we are. That’s not codependency. But when you rely on your partner for literally every ounce of self-worth and struggle to function as an individual? There’s some deeper self-esteem work to do.
Confident people know they’re worthy of love, respect, and having their needs met — regardless of who’s in their life. They’re whole within themselves first, which allows for true interdependence rather than an unhealthy imbalance.
If you’re dating advice is just “never be alone” and you’re terrified of your partner leaving because you won’t feel like a worthy human anymore, it’s time to reconnect with yourself and reaffirm your self-love. Only then can you have a psychologically mature, drama-free relationship.
- Not Taking Care of Yourself
From skipping meals and doctor’s appointments to putting everyone else’s needs before your own, neglecting basic self-care is a subtle form of self-rejection. You’re subconsciously telling yourself you don’t deserve or aren’t worthy of making your health and wellbeing a priority.
Self-care isn’t just lighting a scented candle and having a face mask night here and there. I’m talking about the basics — eating nutritious meals, moving your body regularly, getting quality sleep, and tending to your mental and emotional needs.
When you consistently ignore these fundamental needs, it signals that on a deep level, you don’t feel worthy of taking care of yourself. Like you’re not important enough to prioritize.
I know, I know, we’re all crazy busy and have a million obligations to tend to. But you have to be alive and functioning to tend to any of it! Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation. Running on empty may seem noble, but it’s actually doing you and everyone around you a disservice.
- Choosing Work You Hate
Settling for jobs that suck the life out of you stems from the belief that you’re not deserving of — or capable of achieving — more fulfilling career paths aligned with your values and strengths. That underlying lack of self-worth holds you back from pursuing what you really want.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you gotta take a soul-sucking job to make ends meet. No shame in that hustle! But when you’re actively choosing work that makes you miserable over options more aligned with your skills and passions? That’s self-doubt and low self-worth in the driver’s seat.
Maybe you don’t feel qualified for your dream role, so you sell yourself short. Maybe you think the daily grind is just what life is and you don’t deserve better. Or hey, maybe you see pursuing your true callings as selfish and indulgent.
Here’s the truth though: You have just as much right to chase fulfilling work that lights you up as anyone else. Your strengths, talents, and interests are worth investing in. Choosing to shelf your dreams and settle for draining roles is a form of self-rejection.
- Staying in Your Comfort Zone
Do you shy away from putting yourself out there, be it in dating, networking, going for that promotion, or sharing your ideas? That urge to “stay small” and not rock the boat comes from a place of low self-confidence and the fear of being judged or rejected.
Let’s be honest, putting yourself out there is scary! There’s always the possibility of failure, embarrassment, or criticism when you take a risk. It’s enough to make anyone want to stay in their comfort zone forever.
But living a fulfilled life means stepping into some of those risks and expanding your horizons. When you never put yourself out there, you stunt your growth, potential, and self-esteem.
Confident people still feel nervousness and fear. But they recognize their worth and capabilities are much bigger than those limiting emotions. They take calculated risks because they know no growth happens by staying stagnant.
So what are you missing out on by staying small? What goals and dreams are going unachieved because putting yourself out there is intimidating? Maybe it’s time to dig deeper into the root of that fear rather than retreating from anything uncertain.
Here’s the rest of the blog post with 3–4 paragraphs for each of the 10 signs:
- Deflecting Compliments
“This old thing?” Constantly brushing off and rejecting kind words is a major red flag. Deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of the praise and positivity being sent your way. So you brush it off instead of simply saying “thank you.”
Confident people know how to own their wins and let kudos make them feel good. But those struggling with low self-esteem? We tend to reject, downplay, or make excuses when we’re complimented.
On a surface level, it often comes from a place of not wanting to seem arrogant or braggy. “Oh it was nothing, anyone could do it!” Yeah, no. That’s just insecurity dressed up as humility.
The truth is, we deflect compliments because we don’t feel deserving of them. Like if we soak up that positive affirmation, we’re being egotistical jerks. Low self-worth convinces us we’re imposters who got lucky rather than capable people doing good work.
Here’s my challenge: The next time someone compliments you, pause. Smile, say “thank you,” and allow yourself to marinate in that feel-good energy for a few seconds. You earned that praise, why not enjoy it?
- Being Overly Self-Critical
Calling yourself names, rehashing every mistake or embarrassing moment in your head on loop — that relentlessly harsh inner monologue stems from a deep well of self-loathing. Confident people are still self-aware, but don’t beat themselves up with cruel criticism constantly.
We all have that nagging inner critic looking to pick us apart, but for some of us, it’s got a bullhorn that never shuts up. Every decision, every outfit, every slip-up is placed under the most unforgiving microscope.
This habit ties directly back to low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness. Without that core self-love and confidence, the negative voice gets louder justifying all the terrible things it says about us.
Breaking the cycle of intense self-criticism starts with awareness. Notice the cruel things you’re saying to yourself throughout the day and how it impacts your mood and motivation. Over time, see if you can reframe the criticism with more compassion and objectivity.
Because at the end of the day, holding yourself to cruel, impossible standards just perpetuates a cycle of self-loathing. You deserve kindness, not harsh judgment.
- Holding Yourself Back
Big career opportunity or first date on the calendar? Then why do you find yourself subconsciously self-sabotaging with things like oversleeping, picking fights with loved ones, even getting sick? This pattern of avoiding big events or chances to shine is your subconscious protecting you from criticism, judgment, failure — aka preserving that fragile self-worth.
On a conscious level, you’re stoked about the big interview or party or whatever it is you have coming up. But those little nagging feelings of “What if I’m not good enough?” are planted firmly in your subconscious.
And the way our brilliant minds work, that subconscious part will do whatever it takes to avoid putting us in situations that could “prove” our lack of self-worth is valid. Enter: The self-sabotaging behaviors that conveniently give us an “out” from feeling judged and rejected.
The problem is, we never build self-confidence by hiding and avoiding situations where it could potentially be damaged. Self-assurance comes from putting ourselves out there, taking risks, and surviving/thriving despite our fears.
So do yourself a favor and get radically honest about your pattern of self-sabotage and where it stems from. Starting facing those fears of unworthiness and inadequacy head-on. You’ve got this!
Any of those hit a little too close to home? If so, it’s time to start rewriting those negative beliefs and upgrading that self-esteem.
Remember, you’re far from alone in this struggle. Billions of people are walking around projecting a smiley confident exterior while silently battling low self-worth demons on the inside.
The good news is, self-esteem and confidence aren’t fixed traits. They’re skills that can be learned and grown through self-reflection, intentional habits, and simple mindset shifts.
Want ideas for leveling up your self-love and confidence? Subscribe to my newsletter where I share actionable strategies for breaking free from limiting beliefs and stepping into your full potential.
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