Building Resilience
7 Things You Should Know If You Are Starting Over At 40
Strategies to Start Your Journey Today
At 38, I lost my job. One year later, my partner and a few friends were gone. Life, as I knew it, was no more.
Game over, I thought. Nothing would ever be right again. I would grow old alone, a single parent, jobless, broke, and a failure.
So, I perfected the art of burying my head in the sand. Another high-paying contract would come along soon enough, I rationalised, and I could live in my little bubble with no care in the world — except for my creaky knees and the fine lines on my face.
I was still spending money, as I had while employed. I was traveling a lot, and when I was home, I had parties most weekends to fill in the silence. I could not stand my own company, my loud thoughts, my relentless insomnia, my fear of the unknown, and the quiet inkling that I had failed by society’s standards. I had failed myself.
On my 39th birthday, I crashed, and I knew it was time to examine my life critically.
It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time.
As with most things in life, good things will come and go. People will leave you, marriages will break down, jobs will end, and businesses will collapse — you get it — the ebb and flow of life. Then you have to start over.
Now, starting over at any age is not easy, but at 40, the prospect is undoubtedly daunting. I wondered if there was even a remote possibility I could turn my life around.
At 40, we are set in our ways. It took me a while to start, particularly the self-evaluation. I did not want to come face-to-face with my fears. Then, there were days I cried myself to sleep because the results would not come faster.
If you are like me, fear not. You can reimagine your life and start over again and again until you get it right — numerous success stories of individuals who did just that and achieved remarkable success.
You probably know that Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) is a global success. But did you know “Colonel” Harland Sanders founded KFC at 65 after many failed business attempts and odd jobs?
Arianna Huffington founded her news publication, The Huffington Post, at age 55, and renowned designer Vera Wang designed her first dress after she turned 40. Samuel L. Jackson, the famous movie star, struggled with drug addiction for two years until he got his first significant role in Jungle Fever. He was 46 when he played Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction.
Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:
Thing 1: Self-Evaluation
Take some time out to be with yourself. It’s time for some spring cleaning.
It is essential to be honest but also tender with yourself. Think about those times when things went wrong. What mistakes did you make? What could you have done differently?
Facing your failures will be painful, but be brave. Sit with the pain for a while, acknowledge your shortcomings, and learn the lessons that need to be learned. Accept where you are.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. Acknowledge the things you did right, the areas of your life you are happy with, and finally, those beyond your control.
Take stock of your assets
You need to measure where you are to understand where you are headed. What do you have working for you? Who are the people, and what can help you rebuild your life? What skills do you have, and how can you use them?
Over the years, you’ve gained valuable personal or professional knowledge and experience. These are valuable assets that will guide you in making the necessary decisions.
List down what you will need on this new journey. Is it money? How much will you need? Should you cut down on your expenses? Do you need to upskill? What courses do you need? You may need to move to a different city or change your diet.
Thing 2: Design Your Best Life
What if it were possible to live in multiple parallel universes, and you knew about your life in each? During his TEDx Stanford talk, 5 Steps to Designing the Life You Want, Bill Burnett encourages people to brainstorm possible futures and design three odyssey plans.
He advises that while it is possible to start executing one of your odysseys, one should consider prototyping. Have a conversation with someone who is living your future. Alternatively, you can have a prototype experience. What would living in your dream city or returning to school be like? Get the lived-in experience. Prototyping will provide clarity, and moving forward will be easier.
Write down your goals. Get clear on the desired result. Visualize it until it feels like reality.
● Do you want more money? How much money?
● Do you want more freedom? What would your life look like if you had more freedom?
● Do you want to find meaning? How would this feel?
Big goals tend to look insurmountable at the beginning of your journey. Break down your goal into bite-sized chunks.
We gravitate towards more manageable tasks. The satisfaction we get upon completion makes us feel productive and in control. This sense of accomplishment will help maintain the momentum toward establishing your goals.
Thing 3: Seek Help and Leverage Your Network
We have already established that starting over is difficult. There were times I wished that an outside party would redesign my life. Someone with more knowledge — someone who knew what they were doing. When you’ve been stuck in fight-or-flight mode for a while, it is easy to become blinded by previous experiences. All I needed was some professional help.
Surround yourself with people who will uplift, encourage, and push you when you falter. Join groups and connect with individuals who can share ideas, opportunities, and guidance.
Thing 4: Prioritise Health and Wellness
Getting in shape was one of the best things I did for myself at the start of my journey. We know wellness activities can boost mental health and reduce stress, but getting started can still be difficult when your life is in shambles.
Here are six ways to prioritize your wellness:
- Establish an exercise routine. Physical activity boosts your mood and alleviates anxiety. It does not have to be crazy — walking works, too.
- Prioritize your sleep. There is a clear connection between sleep and mental health, impacting your thoughts, actions, and ability to make choices, relate to others, and handle stress.
- A regular journaling habit can help you organize your thoughts, process emotions, and record events and experiences.
- Make a gratitude list. What areas of your life are you grateful for?
- When besieged by constant worry and stress, practice meditation and mindfulness to bring your awareness and attention back to the present.
- Set aside time to unplug. Take a social media and technology detox from time to time. Step outside, head into nature, and reconnect with your higher self.
Thing 5: Stay Open to Change
Be open to the possibility of surprises. Life is constantly changing and evolving. If one thing fails, try another. Remember the different possible futures and Odyssey plans? Keep your peripheral vision open so you do not miss unexpected opportunities.
Thing 6: Embrace Lifelong Learning
The world is constantly evolving. Invest in continuous learning. Acquire new skills and grow your knowledge base by attending workshops, listening to podcasts, taking an online course, or becoming a voracious reader. Numerous resources are available across different fields.
Thing 7: Celebrate Small Wins
Celebrate your progress — every small win counts, even if it is just clearing your inbox. Small wins show progress towards accomplishing the big goals. Acknowledging the small wins will impact your motivation and confidence.
‘Look for small victories and build on them. Each small victory, even if it is just getting up five minutes earlier, gives you confidence. You realize that these little victories make you feel great and keep you going. You realize that being paralyzed by fear of failure is worse than failure.’
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Look, there will always be time to start over. Change won’t happen overnight, but it will eventually. Dig deep, get creative, and tell your story, and you will do great things.
