A Letter To Yesterday
I recently came across some few dozen old bits of “poetry” of mine, and even though some of it’s awful, a little bit of it’s not too bad.
These writings were many years before all my mental health diagnoses. Before my battles with addiction.
Even though that’s the case, I can see many little hints of my depression, and anxiety already waiting & building, & some poems also have the pre addiction attitude that seem literally to be preparing for a life of drug abuse.
Those old “memoirs” in a complex way also seem to pre determine my lack of successes, and my good friend’s abundances of successes, which I take no shame in.
With my closest friends being able to make it good in this life so far, leads myself to my own feeling of success. I hope that my tough times, and battles with demons, and terrible choices actually make me successful, because I sure hope my examples have been able to show others how not to be.
Just say no to drugs might seem like a corny quote. But my example is able to show people literally just how Demonic, drug abuse is. Even just a little experimenting today isn’t worth it. It’s just too risky. With all the laces of drugs with Fentanyl, the ability to overdose, or quickly get addicted in a few days.
Now, anything is ever the more possible now.Overdoses all the more common now, then it’s ever been.
Also, my lack of communication proves alot. My isolating showed ,how ignoring our Mental Health leads to very serious effects.
The neglected Mental Health, lead right back to bad decisions, then a desire and need to Self Medicate. Then onto another downward spiral. Within a fast moment, I was back snorting Heroin & Cocaine. Almost like I hadn’t ever stopped. I’m proud of the people around me. I’m proud that my negative influences were taken serious. Glad my friends leaned from my example. I am glad I wasn’t imitated. I’m living well now.
Watching through the lives of my loved ones. It fills my heart with smiles. You’ve all accomplished many great things. Though many of those things I wish Id done, I also accept the fact that my destiny was, what it was. Destiny can always be changed. It’s still is far from too late.
I live with no resentment.
In fact I live a life filled with constant pride. Proud of the accomplishments of my friends, and family. I thrive on the positive things that surround you.
The positive vibes & love you bring me is immense. You may never truly understand what my souls is saying or feeling. In simple terms that pride I talk about it eternal, and permanent. It shows Me a lot; when a guy like me does all the crazy shit.
The insane things I have done. Yet you STILL stood by.
Your loyaltys taught me so much. It’s given me a great appreciation for trust.
Taught me that I have a support network, that I must never ignore again. I must never hurt. Never neglect anymore.
I see, that I’ve enough chances I cannot risk any more chances. Because what if the next chance REALLY turns into my last chance!?
I thank your for our past. Thank you for today. Lets make tomorrow even greater! Now, a short poem from my old memoirs; this was titled -
“Concerned for Tomorrow”
August of 1993
I sit here wondering what to write. My thoughts going like the speed of light.Thinking what’s in the future. Who I’ll know, who I’ll love. Who’ I’ll hurt, who I’ll lose, & who I’ll forget. Will problems I face…help me in the long run? Will I survive life’s bullets? Will they hit me, or just graze me? Or tear at my heart bit by bit? Will one lethal one, hit me? I yearn for answers.
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