“It’s Difference That Is Pretty…”
By Pascal Percq
France
As I was arriving at a meeting, a melody was swirling in my head that I had heard one evening on the banks of the Niger River, sung by the Malian Salif Keita in his song “The Difference.” That day was actually about “differences” and “tolerance” towards people who mostly had lived with intolerance from others from prejudgements, from not being taken into consideration, from having fallen victim to stigma linked to the fact that they had once in their life been seen as “different.” This is in a normatively intolerant society which celebrates “winners” and knocks down those whom it judges, according to its criteria, to be “losers”.
This meeting was part of a Fourth World People’s University, a place of mutual training, with a confrontation between words and ways of living, and this time the theme was: “Tolerance, or how to enrich ourselves from our differences”. A “sensitive” theme for those who have had experience of… intolerance.
“I have been mocked since I’ve been in a wheelchair”, says Fred. Catherine: “My eldest child has been placed in care and I was told that I don’t know how to look after him. They should explain why.”
A small group has made a list of all the differences which may potentially lead to intolerant behaviour. A nearly endless list. “Beliefs, origins, religion, particular qualities, being foreign, being French. From lived experiences from early school years, some children understand quickly, others take more time. Even in sports there are differences. Some are rich, some are poor. We are different in the organisation of our lives in sleep, in food. Also in family relationships, whether close or extended (some abandon their parents and others are abandoned). Romany families or “Rroms” (who are without solutions) and are treated as grubby people — there is no tolerance for them. Those who have a home, those who don’t. It can depend on legal status. On skin colour, and even on hair colour (poor redheads in school playgrounds!). Differences are also cultural: the French spend hours at the dinner table and it’s different in other cultures. The differences can be in regards to gender, sexual preference, age. If one has a handicap or is healthy. Even concerning behaviour around others: those who speak up, and those who are afraid or ashamed to speak…”.
Differences: we could conclude that each one of us is different, just from the colour of our eyes. And so? The group continues: “We all have the same blood, of the same colour, which runs through us. We are all different but equal. In theory.”
This experience of being a victim of intolerance can lead to reactions from some people such as pushing others away, feeling despised and scorned, losing self-confidence. But one day, an encounter occurs. And everything changes. Being able to talk about it with others, “it changes lives”. “It sometimes takes courage to overcome oneself and to dare to go towards others. I was an intolerant person, but now I tell myself that I mustn’t react as I used to. Because one day, in particular in my little group, somebody listened to me and I understood that this person whom I despised, this person deserved to be known better. I grew and evolved by being in contact with them”. “Knowledge is what makes us overcome rejection, and also being confronted with people different from you.”
You have to dare to make a “sidestep”. “If there’s no respect, there is no tolerance”. Somebody adds: “Tolerance can sometimes be negative; one says one is tolerant because one is indifferent.” “Being tolerant can also be cowardice, to submit and say nothing because the other person is more powerful.” “Tolerance starts with oneself. If one does not love oneself, how can be tolerant of others!”
If one has been a victim of intolerance, can that become a positive experience?
“I know what it is to be judged. So, I refuse to judge others. On the contrary, I want to tell them to go above and beyond that”.
As expressed by Fatiha: “Tolerance is the fact of accepting someone as they are, even if they react differently and have different preferences, as no one is perfect, including us. We are all different and we all have good qualities and flaws. Tolerance is something that’s learnt, and it has a calming effect: everything gets turned down a notch. Being curious to know, to learn about and understand the differences of others is also about learning to protect yourself and not letting yourself be pushed around…”. Catherine comments: “I listen to a lot of music. Even in another language, I understand what it means…”. Music…
The evening of this encounter, I had a listen to Salif Keita, the Malian singer and his song “The Difference”. According to him: “Difference is precisely the wealth of life”. This African, an albino abused for that very reason since childhood — until he became an international celebrity — sings: “I am a black man, my skin is white. And I like that. Difference is what’s pretty. I long for us to get along together in love. For us to understand each other in love and in peace. Life will be beautiful. Yeah, life will be beautiful.”
