The Look in Our Eyes
By Blaise Ndeenga
Cameroon — There are gestures, attitudes and facial expressions which sometimes express communication towards others. Most of the time we don’t pay conscious attention to them. The look on our face fits in that category. It can be a fleeting facial expression that, in a flash, communicates information, opinions, questions, doubts, rejection or acceptance…
I was struck by the importance of the looks on our faces after a conversation with a woman whose words I am about to share with you. Friends encouraged me to visit her because she was living in difficult circumstances. She had been accused of witchcraft. Driven away from her own village, she found refuge in another part of the country where she now lives in a shack that is very run down and practically repulsive shack. After I had visited her several times, here is what she told me about the first day we met:
“My son, the day you entered my house, I could only stare at your eyes…. I wanted to know through the look in your eyes what you thought about me. Through that look, I wanted to know if you were afraid of the title my village makes me carry, that of being a witch. I saw you enter my home. You did not look at the state of the shack, or the mess, or the dirt. You entered while looking me straight in the eyes, and I did the same. You sat down without even glancing at the bench you were sitting on. Even though the bench was dirty, you were only concerned about looking at me. What mattered was me. … Usually, people speak to me without looking at me. When I come out of my house, people turn their eyes away. The bravest people do greet me — but with their faces turned away. My son, do I have the face of an animal? Am I like you or not?
“I felt immense joy when your eyes looked into mine. I finally understood that I was somebody since your attention was on me… I felt your consideration. The look in your eyes showed your heart. You loved me and I opened my heart to you. Finally someone looked at me, so I was important.”
This woman’s words shocked me and also taught me something new. What is the force behind the look in a person’s eyes? Is it admiring, condescending, compassionate, scornful, or endearing? Generally, we don’t pay any attention to the look in our own eyes. With this lady, I understood that even a small, fleeting look towards a person can humanise them and give them a face.
