Wedding season is canceled. Or it should be, because how could anyone top Prince Harry and Meghan’s royal wedding? They looked fantastic, the reception was apparently the party of the year, and perhaps most notably, the ceremony celebrated Meghan’s African-American heritage in a robust fashion. In short, it was a dream wedding. But for many black women, the royal pageantry isn’t what made the wedding feel like a far-off fantasy; it’s the idea of getting married at all that can feel like a fairytale.
The overall share in married adults has steadily declined over the past 50-ish years, and black men and women have experienced the sharpest drop in marriage rates. Black women in particular are far less likely to get married than women of any other racial or ethnic group: One study showed that white women aged 25–29 married at a rate of 115.6 per 1,000 unmarried women, while black women married at a rate of just 43 per 1,000. The second-to-least likely women to marry in that age range were U.S.-born Hispanic women, with 75.9 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women.
Though interracial marriages have dramatically increased since it was legalized in 1967, people of all races — save for Native Americans — are still most likely to marry within their race. This is especially true for black women. However, the pool of single, educated, and employed black men is drastically diminished by structural racism in the forms of mass incarceration, access to education, and wealth and income inequality. And despite the endless hand-wringing over the “economic anxiety” experienced by the “white working class,” the reduction in manufacturing jobs over the years has hit black men particularly hard.
But that story is incomplete, and it’s as frustrating as it is unfair. For one, black women are not a monolith; implying that they’re limited to marrying black men erases their individual values, preferences, and motivations in marriage. And for the most part, black men do marry black women (though they’re obviously not obligated to do so, either). Either way, dating — the first step on the path to marriage — presents a stumbling block of its own for many black women.
In now infamous findings, a 2014 OkCupid study found that black women are the least desirable women in the dating pool. It doesn’t help that beauty standards are antithetical to our natural traits. Stereotypes — even “positive” ones like the strong, independent black woman — are generally dehumanizing, and they drive some (fragile) men away. And for black women, obtaining a college education doesn’t even come close to closing the gap in marriage rates between them and white women women without degrees, much less white women with them.
I think about this when I see prominent, single black women I admire — like Tracee Ellis Ross and Ava Duvernay — and I wonder if, in some way, their professional success came at the cost of finding love. Sure, I know I don’t needto get married — I’m not even sure I want to. I’m proud of my independence, and I love my career. But does that mean I should be okay with the fact that the dual income, deep friendship, and general happiness that comes with long-term partnership is statistically more likely to be out of reach for me than it is for my non-black peers?
So when Meghan Markle and Prince Harry announced their engagement last November, it wasn’t just the idea of a black princess that excited me; it was that a successful black woman found love at all. That in itself is something to celebrate. Her admission into the British royal family was just icing on the wedding cake.
This week, we’re sharing excerpts from a few of our favorite articles — written by black women! — about the royal wedding and marriage in general. Enjoy!
— Ari, a black woman who has not one, but two wedding-themed Pinterest boards and is still very single
The Royal Wedding Means Nothing and Everything to Me
BY LINDSAY PEOPLES
“For a long time, I thought ‘making it’ meant being able to infiltrate white spaces, and to thrive there. But what I’ve learned, and what Meghan demonstrates for me, is that success is the freedom to infiltrate any space we please. Yes, she is marrying into an affluent white royal family, but she’s doing it on her own terms. Unlike Emma Thynn, the British biracial Viscountess who recently stated in a Vanity Fair article that she had ‘had never experienced racism,’ there’s a realness about Meghan. She doesn’t shy away from talkingabout witnessing someone call her mother the N-word, or how she dealt with it. She’s aware of her privilege as a fair-skinned woman who could potentially pass as white. And she has used her platform to engage in uncomfortable conversations about race and inequality, which I can only hope she will continue to do in her future role.”
Marrying Your Peer, a Tougher Prospect for Black Women
BY GILLIAN B. WHITE
“The decision to marry someone of a similar educational status is called assortative mating, and for black Americans — particularly black women — the ability to participate in such forms of marital selection are slimmer than they are for women of other races. For one, black women are much more likely than their male counterparts to obtain college degrees. They’re also less likely to marry outside of their race, which can leave them with fewer choices when it comes to matching up with someone of a similar educational status. And that can have a ripple effect that impacts not only current earnings, but future economic mobility.”
Meghan Markle and the Bicultural Blackness of the Royal Wedding
BY SALAMISHAH TILLET
“The royal couple will now be known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, a name taken from Prince Augustus Frederick, the son of King George III and Queen Charlotte and an antislavery advocate. Whether or not Prince Harry and Ms. Markle will feel comfortable speaking about matters of race going forward remains to be seen. But I take some comfort in knowing that when they walked out of the chapel to Etta James’s “Amen/This Little Light of Mine” — the second song, a standard of the Civil Rights movement — they claimed their union as an extension of these racial justice traditions.”
Token is a project by Ari Curtis and Natalie Chang that celebrates the work and worth of women of color. Subscribe here to get the latest issues in your inbox.
