Meet the Batmans
Every once in a while, I like to do a spring cleaning of all of my random thoughts. These are them.
- I’d bet that somewhere out there, someone has the legitimate last name of “Batman” but pronounces it “Batmun” and it causes them all sorts of inconvenience.
- Why do things have to be “my way or the highway”? First of all, just because something rhymes does not mean it makes contextual sense together in a sentence. You aren’t Dr. Seuss. Even if your giant ego truly allowed you to believe that someone that didn’t perform a task in the exact manner you saw fit had to leave your presence, how the hell do YOU know what method of travel they’ll use to go to their next destination? Maybe it’s “my way or the side roads” or “my way or the bus” or even “my way or inter-dimensional portals”. Your right to dictate, assuming you ever had one, ended when your fragile ego didn’t allow for someone to get the same job done using a different method than the one you decreed and you kicked them out of your building, your highness.
- I think there would be a market for ambidextrous Twix.
- I wonder if there was ever a discussion about making roads out of rubber and tires out of concrete when cars started becoming a thing.
- Even though it’s called duct tape, I bet that is what it gets used for the least.
- Is it possible to burn midnight oil at any other time of day? I can’t imagine the oil properties are that sensitive to time.
- I never understood the phrase “music to my ears”. Like… that is where music is supposed to go. It’s not noteworthy, no pun intended. Music to my nose. THAT would be worth mentioning.
- So no news is good news, huh? “You have just won $50,000.” That’s not good news? “A terrible disease has been cured.” Not good news either? Or is it entirely possible that this phrase is dumb? At worst, SOME news is good news.
- If you are bad to the bone, you probably need to get to a doctor before it’s too late.
- Is there a more well-intentioned inconvenience than a gift basket?
- I hope that throughout history, at least one person chose the profession of “matchmaker” without first reading the literature and was wholeheartedly convinced that they would be making tiny books of fire starting sticks.
- I bet a lot of people had wildly different expectations of what a porn bot would be like before they sprang into existence.
- I wonder what the fine folks at SPAM think of their product name being synonymous with unwanted garbage email.
- Speaking of email, getting a confirmation email for unsubscribing from an email list is a pretty clever digital middle finger.
- I love that a headbutt can either be a devastating attack or a horrible deformity.
- I probably should have mentioned this at the beginning, but this whole post is gluten free.
- I’d like to see just one season of Power Rangers where all of their mystical powers are bodily function themed.
- Sometimes I drink things out of my coffee cup that are not coffee and I feel tremendous guilt for living a lie.
- Hate on it all you’d like but candy corn is a wondrous delicacy, fit for royalty.
- Once upon a time, I collected old video games. I’d grab every console, cartridge, and disc I could get my grubby little hands on. Before I moved to NC, I sold it all off and felt great relief at no longer having so much stuff. So anyway, now that my Funko POP collection is over 100 pieces and counting…
- I like athletic sandals for two reasons. First, if I am wearing them, it is because my intentions are to be as non-athletic as possible. Secondly, they look like someone started designing a shoe and thought the deadline for the design was a week later than it actually was.
- I am not a reader. Never have been. I mean, I *can* read, I just find that books don’t capture my interest. That hasn’t stopped Amazon from offering me a free digital book with my Prime subscription every month for years now even though I never actually take them up on it. I’ve gotta say, that sort of persistence is kind of inspiring.
Yeah. So. That is a small taste of some of the things that rattle around in my head on a daily basis on top of the things I routinely yell into the void of Twitter, which I am VERY good at just to be clear. Alright, now get out of my head, all of you.