President Obama Struggling to Find New Job
Ex-president Barack Obama is taking advice from his friends (mostly Joe) and looking for a job before he leaves his current one.
“you know what, it ain’t what I think, it’s what the world thinks .. and the world can be pretty fucking stupid.” — Greg
Unfortunately, the president has found almost all of the jobs that he is applying for requires 10 years of presidential experience, despite that being literally impossible. Most of them also require SQL, which it turns out the president has never heard of. Obama was heard asking, “Isn’t there anything out there needing skills like ‘stopped terrorists’, ‘fixed the economy’, or ‘gave hope to an entire generation’?” Hahaha, silly Obama. Hope is for kids. We’re in the real world now. How are your Excel skills?
“Tough luck”, hiring manager Greg Greggory says, “you just gotta buckle up and put in the work like me and everybody else did back in the day.” When asked whether it’s fair that these jobs require 10 years experience, Greg responded, “You know what, it ain’t what I think, it’s what the world thinks .. and the world can be pretty fucking stupid.”
In the meantime, Barack is adding skills such as Photoshop, SQL, and C++ to his resume to see if it helps, despite not knowing what any of those actually are. Joe told him everybody does it and then just lies their way through the interview. He found out that giving +1’s on LinkedIn is really easy and got a bunch in return for Microsoft Word even though he had a secretary that did that for him. He has bookmarked Monster and careerbuilder and occasionally looks at job postings when he’s not watching Westworld and youtube videos of himself.
At one point, Obama thought that I had turned off my audio recorder and said, “If my goddamn daughters weren’t so goddamn spoiled, then maybe I could actually enjoy retirement, but nooooo I have to find a job like the rest of these peasants. Fucking hell man, I ran the entire country for 8 years, can’t I just kick back and play some fucking Nintendo?”
