Bring out your best to get the best from others
As you know life is a sequence of moments. A happier than others but we should do everything possible to always look for those little daily plots for bring us some measure of happiness.
If you follow my blog know that one of my authors header is Dale Carnegie, a poor farmer in Missouri (USA) who has managed to sneak their theories every year since 1936, saw the light of His teachings through the book “How to win friends and influence people “(How to Win Friends and influence People).
It is now more relevant than ever because it helps us get out of the mental rut to generate new ideas and creativity thanks to the renewed view we acquire with their reading. Could you answer me how to make friends quickly and easily? For many people it is a utopia, for many other is a simple and fun game. It does not take a “guru of social relations” that others think like you gain in popularity, increase your influence, prestige or get the result that you propose.
In this post I’ll give some tips, with the permission of Carnegie, how to improve your relationships, get what you propose, avoid arguments, become a pleasant person to be or talk and how to interest other to what you propose.
ART TREAT OTHERS
1. Not criticize. Do not condemn. Do not complain so much
Imagine you just met someone who is personable, very friendly and boasts many friends. When you gain confidence with that person, you realize that the style of communication used is very sharp through which condemns and criticizes every living thing. Do not you think you will do the same when someone else?
Criticism and condemnation cancels harmony of good conversation. Encourages the humor, but it destroys the positive connection between people.
A person who continually criticizes is doomed to continuously changing friendships. The “well-furnished” people can not stand the criticism of others because they simply respect the condition of each person. Each is as it is and if I have to speak ill of someone … the pillow is my best confessor.
And to finish this point, I ask you a question, what do you feel when you are with someone who is constantly complaining? Once, okay … another too, but when it comes to continuous complaint, this person is a good friend, “very cansinaaaaa” he says. Quite a few things have everyone in our lives as to gather me and someone is always complaining.
If you complain, they will not listen.
2. Demonstrates honest and sincere appreciation
Appreciate people, quiérelas as you would have wanted you. Demonstrate your interest in these people and get a lot in return. That’s right … honestly, never untruth. Demonstrate appreciation false unmask a person is a remarkable spot and capricious interest undoubtedly will turn against you.
3. Awake in the other a longing
There are more desired than other people, some for physical and other for his intellect but … what happens when you meet an attractive person who has a physical cultivated? Why are people who, despite not meeting the current standards of beauty are great conversationalists and will bring so much?
It’s good to think about this and study the response. Possibly these people to do something very simple to awaken in you a burning desire to share your time with them.
And WHY WAIT FOR YOU WHEN YOU CAN TO PLEASE pleasing?
Be interested sincerely for others
We all love that we are interested in and ask us. But not a “cosmetic” but a sincere interest, real and friendly interest. I assure you that if you want to please to be pleased, and if you want to have real friends or help others take an interest in others. Call them, have them, remember them …
Today, with the amount of interpersonal communication means available to us, we must find a place to make a call, put a mail or WhatsApp to one person.
Try it. Call right now that person who you like and just talk. Tell and tell you things. You’ll see how the end thank you that you called just to talk, no more interest than maintaining a friendly conversation and not interested. He would appreciate not finish a conversation like this: “By the way, I called to …”
What costs you smile? It’s free !!!!! Do not sell so expensive smiles and not offer it only to selected people. Grins to life, even strangers. I assure you that if you run, for example, to make a run at any site, the smile is a passport secured entrance. You will get more done with a smile that if you do not.
Moreover, it does not even need to see you. Smile, even when picking up the phone.
People who use the smile as a means of personal communication manage to make life a lot easier. Others make life easier for people smiling.
Worry about knowing the names of people you know
I’m terrible for this, I admit. I assure you that every day I try to remember the names of every one of the people who pass through my life. The problem is that I often find, for example, a course with more than 35 participants and costs me a triumph finish calling them by their names. But I know this is very important, what I do is tell everyone to make a small sign with your name and put it on their tables. I assure you that even doing this when I address them by their names, the reaction is completely different, more receptive, more collaborative.
We should bear in mind the magic in a name, and understand that it is something exclusively own the person you speak, and no one else.
If you have the facility to remember the names, use it !!! But if you’re like me, working to remedy. You will be surprised.
Listen before speaking
I’ll give you two scenarios, choose the more comfortable you are:
You get to a restaurant with some friends and sit at the table. It is a person who tells you anything else sit lot of things in great detail. He keeps talking about himself, his life, his marriage, his children, their work, their successes, the fight with the neighbor and of the life and work of St. Teresa of Jesus, if necessary. Also, to make matters worse, it has a higher than normal voice. (It happens that people who talk so much and want to tell all raise their voice not allowed to speak to others and to encourage to be heard beyond the ears of the speaker).
You get to the same restaurant with the same friends and feel. There is a person who, first, greets you with a smile, tells you that is very happy to see you and your family and your life in general is interested. Start the meal and this person asks you about things she knows you really care. Submit conversations that invite you to participate and in which you feel very comfortable and, above all, look you in the eyes, listens, nods and asks why your point of view
With which of the two situations would you choose? What kind of conversationalist you? Would you be comfortable if you find yourself of interlocutor? You could talk to you?
What interests my interlocutor?
This point is closely related to the previous one. To be a good conversationalist and have social success, study the interests of your partners. If you talk and share conversations about interesting topics for others will see in you a benchmark of conversation. You, however, will learn more every day.
Do not study your partner selfishly. Documentate intellectually to learn more and share that with someone who knows more than you. Learn, not teach.
Make others feel important
The others are very important, like you. Each person is different and we all feel that we are very important for us and for others.
If you are able to make others feel that they are important to you, you have everything to gain.
“Speak to the people themselves said Disraeli, one of the most astute men who have ruled Britain and will listen for hours”
HOW DO THEY THINK LIKE YOU
NEVER wins a discussion
Avoid discussions. They do not go anywhere, I assure you. Indeed, the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
A while ago I had a compromising position with a neighbor who wanted to cut some trees because … bothered him. In the end, after suffering insults and defamatory fuss, I solved the problem in silence and did not go into the “war” that I had prepared. I can assure you that after the altercation and there was silence on my part, this lady is embarrassed by what he did and every time he sees me, avoid crossing the look. There is a saying: “there is no greater contempt do not appreciate.”
If I had gone into that discussion, possibly today would not have the happiness that I have in the house where I live.
Respect other opinions. Never tell a person who is wrong
If we know that the discussions did not lead anywhere, why conflict telling someone that leads right in what he says? It is not always agree with him, he can talk going around the tables. Never say no right, raises your point of view by asking their opinion.
If you do not come to an agreement, just respect your opinion and “anything else.”
Humility to admit mistakes
One of the most important rules to get rich in your social and work relations is humility. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. This will make your partner values you much more.
Insist on something, knowing it is wrong, you will not bring benefits of any kind.
Those who are dedicated to marketing always we say that 80% of the final purchase decision is decided upon first impression subliminally. This means that the first impact that we offer our partners is important.
Beware first impressions. Needless to say you need to have real and compelling content after the first impression. If good impression but lacks content, it automatically produces a feeling of frustration and deception.
Get to always say “yes”
Many times we want to achieve a goal that we have set. To do this, when we talk to someone who is very good, even with another conversation, get to say “yes”.
This technique is not new … You know Socrates? Ring any bells, right? Well, the “gadfly of Athens”, as you know, has been one of the greatest philosophers that there was. Socrates did something that only a handful of men have been able to achieve in the whole story radically changed throughout the course of human thought, and now, twenty-five centuries after his death, he is honored as one of the ablest men to persuade others.
How did he do it? Thus “the Socratic method” which was based on a positive response from his partner was called. He asked questions with which the caller had to be necessarily agree. Kept winning an assertion after another, until he had a lot of “ifs” in their favor. Kept asking until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponent looked reached a conclusion that a few minutes earlier had strongly rejected.
The next time you want to tell someone they are wrong, remember old Socrates.
Let the other person do the talking is over
We’ve already seen. Be safe, do not raise your voice to talk and let others talk more. Listen, listen and listen. If you do you will gain audience.
Let the other person feel that the idea is yours
Who’s the idea? Yours. Why this person insists that is yours?
Do not waste time. He knows that without your creativity could not get to those ideas. What is appropriated an idea? Well phenomenal. I permíteselo. He will respect you more and more.
Look at things from the point of view of the other person
I share with you a maxim that I have in life: Do to others what I would like to do with me. But if they do not ask for explanations or expect me to respond. Not everyone behaves the same way.
Whenever you go to talk to someone, try to put yourself in his hand to try to understand why their arguments. This will give strength and solidity to your opinions.
Shows sympathy for the ideas and desires of the other person
Arthur I. Gates said in his book “Educational Psychology” that the human species universally craves sympathy. Offer sympathy for the speech of another person and get others to think like you.
Appeal to the nobler motives
We each have our lights and our shadows. We always try to teach others the lights and hiding in the shadows. Ideally also teach those shadows, but that’s another war that I will discuss in another post under on umbrella “Enneagram”.
As we can see the lights of others, and are responsible for teaching them, let’s use them to become a good conversationalist. It appeals to their lights for a major road.
Dramatize your ideas
Today is not worth having ideas or allow creativity to surface. You have to communicate, we used to live in a staging company and, if you want to achieve your goals, you must open the curtain at all times. Today not based in or have reason to believe that you have the truth, we must make it “marketable”, interesting and spectacular for them to listen and draw attention.
Notice how they do in the movies and on television. They will give many clues.
Throw a challenge
The best way to get someone to do something is to stimulate competition. It is not merely a monetary stimulus, but the desire to excel.
If you see that you can not achieve your goal, issues a challenge. Challenge your partner in order to achieve a mutually beneficial end.
YOU ARE A LEADER. LEARN TO CHANGE OTHERS without offending
Before praises not speak well … praise
It is often necessary to be honest and do not have another shadowing to give your opinion about a person. In that case I recommend that your first words about that person are positive and elogiadoras. Start with praise makes the rest of the information you have to give anesthetize automatically.
If you have to criticize, do it this way
Before criticizing any action think and comment on some positive aspect. A positive aspect, as noted above, muffle criticism. Not the same fault using the word “but” what “and”:
- John, we are very proud of you, “but” if you’d tried harder you would have gotten better grades.
- John, we are very proud of you, “and” if you had worked harder you would have gotten better grades.
Do you appreciate the critical difference? Always try to change “but” with “and”.
First acknowledge and talk about your mistakes, then critiques
Imagine you have someone in your office team has made a mistake and has done his job well. Your turn to talk to him to rectify. Much difference if you start with the criticism he deserves or if you start saying your first so I had committed and do not worry … Maybe tell because you have an error committed in the past and solidarizarte with him. This way you get to rectify that mistake more effective.
Ask questions instead of giving orders
Appreciate the difference:
- Mary, do the article on the day of the working woman who comes on and I see that we will not be able to publish.
- Mary, you could make the item a day of working women to deliver a day early? Do you think you can get to publish it in time?
What do you think will be the attitude of Mary before you raise will work in every situation? Think about it.
Let the other person save face
No minusvalores anyone’s ability. We all have a reputation that we do not like to display fissured by the intervention of a third party. The great writer Saint-Exupéry wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man to himself. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime. “
Commends the slightest improvement and every improvement
We all like to give us a pat on the back from time to time. It’s okay to do it with a partner or with your employees. The capacities of the people wilt under criticism, but blossom under encouragement. Encourage your team and you can check the results.
Give good reputation others
Your partner will value you more if you speak well of him to others. Strengthen the reputation of the person in front will have you get very good results in your goals.
Encourages the other person. Make the fault seem easy to correct
I think no need to comment on that. Help others to get away from the mistakes that have been committed. You will become a great ally.
Try the other person happy about doing what you suggest
To achieve this it is important to be honest, know exactly what you want to do the other person, be empathetic, consider the benefits you will receive and make the request highlighting these benefits.
Well here’s the keys to get the best and get the best out of others. If you want further information be sure to read your book Carnegie. A trendy guide to how to achieve personal success.