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SATIRE
The Neighbor’s Orange Tabby is Getting Very Old
He used to be so much smarter
You might have read about people using talking buttons to help their dogs and cats communicate. Our neighbor was one who had amazing success using those with Donnie, his orange tabby.
You might not believe this — and I certainly didn’t until I saw it with my own eyes — but Donnie and his owner often have had fascinating conversations. As my neighbor realized how much Donnie understood and could say, he had to add more and more buttons. There are so many buttons in every room now that it can be challenging to walk through his house without stepping on one.
An amazing conversation
My neighbor invited me to witness a conversation with Donnie a few years ago. I stood in a cramped corner free of buttons while I was properly introduced to the quite plump Donnie. I immediately noticed the resemblance to a large framed picture of a beautiful and much thinner tabby relaxing on a lawn. I asked if that was Donnie. My neighbor whispered back, “He likes to say it is, but no.”
A bit bossy and jealous
Donnie sized me up and glared at his owner. In spite of his extra weight, Donnie jumped nimbly among the hundreds of buttons surrounding him to sound out “Food first, useless human.”
My neighbor shrugged and whispered again, “This is why he’s so fat” as he brought out a plain paper bag and poured dry cat food into Donnie’s bowl. I learned later that Donnie felt his own picture should be on the bag, not the pretty calico on the bag the food came from. The plain bag was a compromise.
Donnie danced among the buttons again. “You have come to admire me. This is not a question. I am the most intelligent cat in the world. I went to MIT.”
I nodded. My neighbor had warned me of Donnie’s bragging. He certainly was a pretty cat, and his mastery of English was amazing. But MIT? It seems there is…
