On turning 30
I wrote this letter to my mother 7 years ago. She recently dug it up while cleaning out the house. I thought it was worth sharing here since it touches upon one of those feelings or experiences that we uniquely share.
Jan 16, 2010
Hey Mom. Today I drove over that same ramp where we got rear ended in my 4-runner, that first day in California 10 years ago. It got me thinking about how reminiscing about the past is a tool I use too sparsely. If I sit down and really focus, I can find memories from my childhood that I hadn’t thought about since they happened. Almost like I’ve just, in that very instant, time traveled from my childhood state — 20 years into the future. I wonder how many memories that helped shape me into who I am today, are lost to the past. Like the scaffolding that gets taken down after its been used to construct a building. That metaphor has helped me realize that losing certain memories of experiences along the way does not mean I lose the personal progress I gained through them. But on the other hand, I feel like we’re destined to relearn certain lessons time and time again — and wouldn't it be fantastic if we could remember everything and not have to make repeated mistakes? When I think about the last 10 years of my life, I think about a boy lost at sea, helplessly swimming without direction. Eventually, after years of swimming in circles, the boy decides to pick a direction and stick with it. Sometimes there are sharks, storms, and always the mysterious depths of the unknown. But other times there is serene calm, beauty, and the diversity of life. In these last few years, I feel like that boy has been swimming for land on the horizon, and only recently has he reached the shores of adulthood. When I stand up and look back, I don’t need to remember every stroke and splash — I just need to accept that my experience, guided by my decisions, has carved me into who I am today (with a little help from the greatest mother I could have asked for). With my 30th birthday coming up in a few months, I feel like I am prepared to walk confidently into the next decade of my life.
Love, Ryan
