What you say really matters. It really does.

Life is filled with misunderstanding.

I have miscommunications with my coworkers, with my significant other, and most significant of all, with my family.

But it doesn’t just stop there. I miscommunicate with my friends, with acquaintances and also with strangers.

The hard truth is that most — if not all — of the mistakes I’ve made are the direct results of misunderstandings. In fact, when I look back at my life, I can in one way or another relate just about every problem I’ve had to poor communication.

Communication is everything; this has been a fact of life ever since man learned to talk. It’s vital for our accomplishments, and if done poorly, contributes to our mistakes. Communication allows us to grow and learn, letting us become wiser and more effective so we can improve our lives and our relationships.

Four years ago I wrote in a tweet “what you say really matters”. However, at that point, I still hadn’t fully elaborated the meaning and major importance of communication. Now I’ve got it all boiled down to 8 simple words: What you say really matters. It really does.

“Avoid miscommunication. The price you pay for it is horrendous” — Shiv Khera

Of course, we always think we’re communicating effectively. We think our message is crystal clear and it’s the listener that’s lacking attention. But that’s often not the case and that’s why it’s so important to be willing to examine what exactly we’re saying and how we’re saying it. Lack of communication or miscommunication can have serious and disastrous repercussions, thus, if you always assume it’s the other person’s fault, you’ll never improve your own skills and you’ll experience a lot of otherwise avoidable problems.

The point is not, ‘what we say and what people understand’, but rather, ‘what we say and what we think we said’. It’s natural to believe that we’re interacting effectively, but what we say and what people hear aren’t necessarily the same thing.

It’s crucial to understand that we’ve all experienced the world in our own personal way and this shapes the lens we use to talk with others. If we don’t adjust the lens to connect with the people we have in front of us, we’ll have a very difficult time delivering the message we want to.

MISCOMMUNICATION IN BUSINESS

90% of all management problems are caused by miscommunication — Dale Carnegie

When you think about the importance of communication in those terms, you’ll most likely start to rethink the way you communicate.

Communication to a business is like brake oil to an automobile’s braking system. Clear, effective interactions is what keeps the business running smoothly. The methods of how the organization works, how to meet the organization’s goals, how to get there, and what the employees have to do in order to achieve the goals should be communicated to them clearly and concisely. For example, I wrote my 10 Golden Rules on the wall of every office I have and I refer to them constantly.

The clearer the vision of the company and the better its ground rules are communicated and understood, the easier it is for management. If you identify the core rules of your institution and fix them on the wall of every office you have, you’ll make life easier for you, your coworkers, and everyone else involved in the day-to-day operations of your company.

However, without proper communication, your employees will struggle in knowing how to proceed and could quickly find themselves adrift. This lack of coherency can cause frustration and even anger among your staff as they’re unable to meet their goals with things going quickly downhill from there. Simply put, miscommunication between employees and employers leads to the failure of a business. So take this as a fact: You will accomplish nothing unless you learn to communicate effectively.

I’ve been a fan of technology for a long time.

Technology doesn’t give room to misunderstanding: a file is either uploaded or not, an email is either sent or isn’t; there’s no doubt, ever. So take advantage of technology and use it a lot: a shared spreadsheet on Dropbox is better than a printed file shared in a meeting room, an email well written is better than words spoken.

MISCOMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

The effects of miscommunication are also clearly seen in dysfunctional relationships. Irreparable rifts can be caused due to a failure to ‘get on the same page’ while conflict stemming from a simple misunderstanding can lead to arguments that drag down the entire relationship. For example, not stating a fact clearly can result in tension and discomfort which in turn can lead to more serious problems that ultimately end the relationship.

In Steven Covey’s book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families”, he writes that 90 percent of all relationship problems could be avoided if we communicated better. Covey realized that much of the pain in relationships was caused by a basic lack of understanding. When we don’t understand, we can’t empathize. If we don’t understand, we judge, and instead, use our own form of logic, counsel and condemnation. Pain and misunderstanding begins right there.

MISCOMMUNICATION WITH YOURSELF

Communication is the key to overcoming doubts and misunderstandings. It’s important to let other people know what’s on your mind and not to keep them guessing.

Furthermore, focus on saying things in a direct but pleasant way. Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” say “Let me explain myself in a different way.” Or instead of saying “You’re wrong,” try saying “Let me clarify.”

Most of our day-to-day life is affected by miscommunication. As an immigrant I realized that when you add a language barrier to everyday misunderstandings, you wind up in total confusion. Throw in cultural differences and now you’ve got total mayhem. I didn’t have a choice other than to learn how to communicate efficiently and I decided to follow these steps:

DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF Make clear what you want and remember that what you say is just a consequence of your mind and clarity. Honesty is the best policy for everything you do; integrity creates character and defines who you are.

LOOK AND UNDERSTAND WHO YOU’RE TALKING WITH — They are not you, they are different and have had different experiences and have learned different ways to interact. Don’t let honest misunderstanding turns into battles.

KEEP IT SIMPLE. Use simple words, be direct, be almost brutal in what you say, but keep it clean and straight forward.