Satire
Georgia coach chooses surprise QB for big game against Michigan
Mind Over Matter
Facing a firestorm of criticism after a crushing 41–24 defeat to Alabama in the SEC Championship game, Georgia coach Kirby Smart faced a painful decision: stay with Stetson Bennett IV as quarterback or start super-talented backup JT Daniels.
Today, at a press conference, Coach Smart announced his choice. “I hear you, Dawg Nation. My starting quarterback for the Capitol One Orange Bowl national championship semi-final game against Michigan will be…Dr. Marcy Hennican.”
At five foot five, and 140 pounds, the 51-year-old Dr. Hennican is a licensed psychotherapist from Valdosta, certified as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and PTSD specialist. The Orange Bowl will be her first Power Five start.
Georgia went into the game with a 12–0 record, the best defense in college football and a number one ranking but were thoroughly humiliated by Alabama’s offense, which rang up 526 total yards. Despite previous denials, Coach Smart now admits the loss was emotionally devastating for his team.
“I had 300-pound men hugging their knees in a corner, I had wide receivers wandering in little circles, muttering to themselves and weeping. Thank God Dr. Marcy was here.”
