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Why Americans Hate Soccer
No Goals, No Foam Fingers, and Not Enough Violence
Americans can’t seem to truly clutch onto soccer. They complain of boredom or confusion when given the task of spectating at a soccer match.
Goalless Draws
When twenty-two players exhaust themselves for over ninety minutes and the only result is a 0–0 tie, Americans get frustrated. They want goals. For all the effort that gets put out on the field, they want a quantitative score to show for it. Americans can’t subscribe to the zero-sum mentality to comprehend a goalless draw. How can there be no winner?
But elusive goals are what make the game so exciting. Every goal is fought for with intensity. Spectators are in suspense waiting for that moment when the ball slips past the goalkeeper and over the goal line. Euphoric screams erupt from players and coaches, while boisterous fans fill the stadium with songs of praise.
Americans need statistics; and with a score of 0–0, there’s nothing to quantify.
No Countdown
Without a clock to countdown, Americans can’t compute time either. Soccer is played in 45-minute halves, but these lengths vary because they add time to the end of halves, rather than stopping the clock during play. The extra time is added when injuries occur or making substitutions…
