The Sweetest Sound

Building trust with a single word.

As a natural-born reader, I have consumed many chapters, pages, and words over the years. As an English major in college, I learned to appreciate the power of word choice. The right word, used in the right way, at the right time, can be the difference between mediocre and magical.

But early on, I discovered a single word that may well be the most powerful of all.

My father, naturally prone to recommending the books of his youth, once suggested I read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” A book first published in 1936. Not necessarily standard summer reading fare for a twelve year old. But as a first born, ever seeking the approval of my father, I grabbed his old dusty version from the basement bookcase and dug in.

It resonated immediately. The writing was clear. Understandable. Constructive.

Passages about being a good listener. On complementing people sincerely. The importance of humility. One chapter urging to let the others do most of the talking (this one massively influenced my approach to agency new business meetings later in life, but that’s a post for another day). All valuable lessons, even if the language style didn’t quite resonate with my 1989 sensibilities.

But of all the lessons shared by Carnegie, one specific idea resonated deeply, and has stayed with me ever since.

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” – Dale Carnegie

Carnegie emphasized the importance of using people’s names in conversation. By doing so, you show them that you value them as an individual. Naturally, this can contribute to building trust and rapport.

Humor me for a second and give it a try. Take a few seconds to speak your own name in a sentence aloud. Take note of how it makes you feel.

I’ve put this strategy into practice over the years and it’s power is obvious. In person, it’s simply calling people by their name. Sprinkling it thoughtfully throughout conversation. In an email or text message, it’s including the person’s name every so often, and especially in the closing salutation.

But why is this simple practice so powerful?

In many cultures, names are seen as more than just labels. They are thought to have a profound influence on a child’s destiny and character, imbuing them with certain qualities and strengths.

As humans evolved, so did the significance of names. The use of names became a way to establish identity and social connection. It also became a way to show respect and establish rapport with others.

In today’s somewhat impersonal, tech-driven culture, it is easy to feel isolated and disconnected. Using someone’s name creates a more personal, human connection. It reminds us that we are all individuals, but also that we are connected by our relationships with one another. This phenomenon transcends time and culture.

There’s a warmth and familiarity with hearing your own name. In many ways, hearing your name spoken aloud is the ultimate compliment. It’s a sign that you’ve made an impression. That you’re in the presence of an ally, or even a friend.

From a cognitive perspective, our names are inextricably linked to our sense of identity. Our names are often the first words we learn to associate with ourselves, and they become a fundamental part of our self-concept. According to the National Institutes of Health, “when we hear our name, it activates the neural networks associated with self-referential processing.”

“A name represents identity, a deep feeling, and holds tremendous significance to its owner.” — Rachel Ingber

As you’ll surely remember from AMC’s Breaking Bad, Bryan Cranston’s character Walter “Walt” White Sr. slowly, but steadily transforms from mild-mannered chemistry teacher and family man, into a cold blooded narcotics distributor. As part of that journey, he takes on a clandestine pseudonym, Heisenberg, and this new name signals the adoption of an entirely new, and powerful, identity. Try telling Walter White that a name doesn’t hold meaning.

Hearing our name spoken aloud can also elicit a sense of social recognition and validation. Humans are social creatures and we have a deep-seated need to feel connected with others. When someone says our name, it signals that they are paying attention to us, acknowledging our presence, and recognizing our identity.

In a world where people often feel disconnected, using someone’s name is a way to create a bond that goes beyond words.

I encourage you to give it a try. One name at a time.