Day 14,107 of approximately 33,100
32 weeks, and almost 4 days ago, I was born. At approximately 1 o’clock in the afternoon, during a hailstorm, my mother decided to give one last push and delivered a beautif… er… cute? Baby boy. Ever since then I’ve only just been trying at life, and pretty much floundering for most of it.
When I was little, probably around 10 years old (a guess), I thought to myself “I’ll probably never make it to 30”. Now, here I am at 38.62 years of my life. Never did I fathom that I would live to be this long. It’s literally the only thing I’ve done consistently in my existence.
My plan is to change that. My plan is to transcend beyond just living. Up to now, my life has been avoiding life, and living vicariously through others. Except, for a few rare moments. Like the day I went to college, or the day I married the love of my life.
The life I’ve lived, is the life I’ve chosen. Who chooses that? Me. Who chooses mediocrity when we have so little time? This guy (pointing at myself). I do not blame anyone else but myself for what I’ve become (it took me a long time to figure this out). How could I? Other people aren’t responsible for me. For at least half my life, I’ve always blamed the world for my problems with a self induced victim mentality. I’ve also blamed the Devil for a lot of it until, I no longer saw eye to eye with God. But I digress, I won’t go too far into that for now.
My point is that for my entire life (except for the rare few moments) I’ve resolved that I am nobody. I constantly thought, “why put the time and effort into living a fuller life?” I’d rather sit on the couch and live someone else’s life for an hour or two, because I can stop anytime and go back, er, to my own life, if I wish… So what do I do? I choose to sit in front of the TV and binge on Netflix, or play World Of Warcraft because it’s more interesting than my own life (With some exceptions, like my loving wife, and friends I’ve made in my life. Yes, I’m brown nosing.).
Please don’t misunderstand or mistake this rambling as a complaint. I’m not complaining or blaming. I’m only realizing, after 2,015 weeks and 2 days, that I’ve lived my life in subpar mediocrity, and just accepted that this is who I was. Nothing more, and everything less. Well, I want to be more than just a couch potato. I have no idea how to do that but I have some ideas. Basically, it boils down to this… Stop being a slouch and start living life. Whatever/however that looks like. It’s easier said than done, for sure, but I don’t feel it’s impossible.
With that being said, it’s Day 2 of my “transcendance”. All of this was rattling through my head when I woke up this morning at 4:45am. It fueled me to get up and get on the treadmill. It was not easy. It took everything I had to crawl from the warmth of my bed and into the freezing of the night. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in a while. The need to take care of myself and to have the ability to live a fuller life overcame my will. Without health, I cannot succeed. So I feel I have triumphed on my 333,352nd hour of my life. I’m hoping… no, I will, be as strong tomorrow. Till then, catch you tomorrow and I hope your day is just as successful!
-JB
