“How I Learned To Be OK With Feeling Sad”
“Pre-therapy, this is the only thing I was ever taught, implicitly and explicitly, about sadness: It is bad.
You do not want it. If you’ve got it, you should definitely try to get rid of it, fast as possible. Whatever you do, don’t subject other people to it, because they do not like that… culturally, we aren’t allowed to be sad even for a little while. Even when it’s perfectly sensible. Even when, sometimes, we need it…
The alarm I experienced over my sadness was another terrible feeling on top of my already terrible symptoms. The energy I spent panicking that I was sad could have been better spent on coping with the sadness. It was true that I — like many people, people with clinically depressed, never-ending, or life-threatening sadness — needed a lot more assistance than just a big philosophical hug, but if I could accept sadness, my therapist kept suggesting, I would be able to experience it (long and hard as that may go on) and then it could pass. The alternative — being sad, plus condemning yourself for being sad — only heightens the suffering. And, likely, the time it lasts…
Now, I was finally embracing it.
Which is how I could come to be in a position to miss it.”
This is a really interesting and useful reflection on sadness, and I want to have more of them. I am of the opinion that American culture is too concerned with the smile, and an emphasis on high-energy positive emotions. Like, is the ideal state calmness and peace — or joy and exuberance?
Related: Smiling too much is bad for you
