Your Social Media Addiction Is Fear In Disguise
It all comes down to our natural fear of exclusion.
Last week I noticed that I’ve been scrolling my Instagram feed a lot. It didn’t bother me much until I noticed that the behavior was utterly purposeless — my eyes were not even catching the information or trying to process it.
It was just me killing time I could spend doing something meaningful.
I am not naturally predisposed to addictive behavior of any kind, so this was quite weird — I have never been an obsessive social media user.
Shockingly, I couldn’t stop even after deleting the app — now every vacant slot of time was occupied with going from one app to another or checking my mailbox, which I NEVER do.
It felt scary.
As a keen reader of psychological literature and possibly a future psychologist, I started digging deep inside.
Why did this addictive behavior emerge at this particular moment in my life? Am I trying to avoid something? Importantly, what am I afraid of?
Here is what I found.
What is fear really about?
All our fears can be generally summed up into one big fear of abandonment and death. If a child is not loved by a parent, not cared for, not included in the family — he cannot survive.
So even as grown-ups, we all fear exclusion — that nobody will understand.
As Steven Pressfield puts it in his book Turning Pro, we actually fear to discover our true nature and listen to the silent little voice inside that tells us who we are. Because if we find out what we are capable of and start living up to it, we may be judged.
We fear becoming ourselves, as it would almost always mean being different from others and thus losing their support and approval.
That is why we often shut this voice down and live as if we were a little bit asleep.
This idea of being afraid of self-discovery clarifies my situation. I am doing my bachelor’s degree in Psychology now, and I honestly enjoy it.
Overall, I’m happy — I learn something new every day.
However, when new opportunities emerge, and I start thinking about the professional path I am choosing, I feel afraid of my doubt. It’s like I do not allow myself to change plans or discover new, possibly promising angles of my personality.
What does it have to do with addiction?
Mindfulness helps us to cut out the distractions to become closer to the inner self. That is why people meditate, avoid using their phones in the morning, and go for long peaceful walks.
Addiction does the opposite by blurring self-awareness, be it the alcohol or social media scrolling.
When aware, we have to face that fear of self-definition.
This is how I explain my unexpected “scrolling mania” that lasted for several weeks. After opening up to my artistic side and discovering Medium, I started doubting what I want to do with my life. For a long time, I was confident about becoming a researcher and getting a Ph.D. in Education or Psychology. I would be a good one, I thought, considering my only talent — academic performance.
However, as I progressed through my degree, I noticed that what I enjoy the most is socio-creative work — writing philosophical essays, creating educational campaigns, brainstorming ideas.
And when I am not working or studying, when there is time and space to reinvent myself and rethink my goals, I hide behind addictive behavior — because I am afraid of discovering who I may really be. What if nobody likes me that way?
Also, addictive behaviors often act as a mechanism for coping with distress we get from doing the wrong thing. That is if deep in my heart I wish to be a writer, but instead, I am working in a bank, I would feel like shit if I realized it — especially if I think that I SHOULD be a banker. Addiction would help me to create this cloud in my head, preventing me from self-reflection.
To illustrate what I mean:
When I met in August 2017 Sergey Faldin, he wanted to become a successful entrepreneur and a billionaire by 25 (of course). He was obsessed with business, money, and Gary Vee. And this would have probably worked out if it was his true nature. But deep inside, he knew that he is not a business machine, but a very gentle, extremely creative man with a distinctive passion for writing.
Being afraid to fail everybody’s expectations and embrace his true calling, he had around 2–3 glasses of whiskey or vodka every single day, and smoked, and overeat. It wasn’t a physical addiction, but a manifestation of an all-consuming fear of being himself.
After he confronted this fear and discovered his true passion, addictions vanished.
What fear tells us?
Often fear comes as an indicator of something important, something worth exploring. It tells us we are moving towards the outskirts of our comfort zone.
It’s not the fear itself, but your actions towards it that make all the difference. So next time I want to scroll the feed or engage in mindless activities, I would listen to what my fear tells me and maybe write a post instead.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to share your story if you ever engaged in addictive behavior to lose yourself.
