Elder Care
Serving My Grandma, Took Me To Heaven Without Dying
When I was a teenager my father once said, “Son, a time will come when you get a chance to help or take care of an old person either your grandparents or someone else, and at that time everything else would be a waste of time”
His sudden seriousness confused me as to how everything else would be a waste of time. I asked, “What if I had work to do, or something more important would come my way?”
But with a sweet smile, he said “No work can give you enough peace than taking care of a vulnerable old person”
I said, “But work gives us the money, right?”
He said, “Well true for outside world but the more money you will get the less peaceful your life will be, so if you search for peace don’t just look at the money, and if you look at the money, don’t expect peace.”
“But people with money do look happy?”
“They do for some time, but peace is constant, unlike happiness. I am not saying don’t earn but when do, don’t expect peace in return, but you can use it to get peace.”
At that time I wasn’t very mature enough to understand the difference between peace and happiness. I mean still, sometimes I get confused about whether I am at peace or just happy, I guess happy. But peace lasts longer than happiness if you are aware that it’s peace.
But his words are engraved in my head, and whenever I see a vulnerable old person, something inside me can’t stand and watch them suffer, every cell in my body jumps with action to do something for them even if it’s giving something to eat.
After my grandpa passed away, my grandmother in remorse lived alone, even tho my uncles insisted on living with them, but they live in a city, and my grandma hates the city, I mean, I can’t blame her.
After some family drama after my grandpa’s death, my uncle said they would take care of Grandma and keep us( my father) out of it. But my grandma’s favorite is my Dad, still she first lived with my uncles but later moved to her house, living by herself.
Her house is close to us, but still a little far. And I started going there once a week, I looked at my grandma, sitting on a chair, looking at other people passing by, just like the old lady I met when I was a kid.
A sudden fear grips me as I don’t want her to end up like this old lady.
She saw me after a week and her grim face lit up, like someone dear coming to her. Well, I am her grandson, and I don’t want her to be all alone.
Later, I started going there every day, even for an hour, but every day. My father comes too, with all the groceries.
Many times when somehow I wasn’t able to come, and the next day she said “I was missing you so much” an emotional sentence I never knew someone would say to me.
I always wonder, how an old person can live all alone. Usually, I come for the talk or if she needs something.
But one day she said, “I don’t want anything, you come to meet me every day, I feel the happiest and I bless you to have a happy life.”
The moment these words hit me, my whole body got shunned, and I felt time had stopped.
Coming back to my house, the pile of work was looking at me through the computer screen, the worries of my future that constantly surrounded me, the past, the future, every problem in the world that looked at me before, suddenly vanished. My heart started beating with a rhythm that made blood jump out of joy but it didn’t leave, it stayed longer than I expected, It stayed more than a week, even tho my situation was not going well, but I didn’t worry. I knew it’s not happiness it’s PEACE!! And If I feel peace on earth, I don’t have to die with good deeds to go to heaven, I am already one feeling it!
Even today, I went and met her!!! But as she is getting old and fragile, I told my Uncle to take her with you and at least take care of her. Thankfully, she will soon go there! After a while, if they refused, my father said “bring her to me, I will take care of her, I want peace too!!”
But In Indian culture taking care of someone old is actually a luxury! Even tho in current times, in cities, some drop their older parents to old age homes, I saw the horrible news of sons or daughters leaving old people on the road all alone, which breaks my heart.
How can someone do that? But as my father always said, “Knowledge brings money but common sense can bring peace.”
They are so far away from common sense that their parents take care of them even when times were tough and now it’s their duty regardless of your situation.
But these people are also far from their roots, running behind a shiny car of materialism and dumping things that are actually real.
When you read the headline it’s not just my saying but if we read the Sanatan(Hindu) Scripture there is an incredible story that’s been shared in almost every Indian household.
The Story of Shravan and His Parents
There is an ancient Indian story about a son named Shravan. This story is from the famous Hindu epic The Ramayana.
Shravan was a poor dutiful son who adored his old and blind parents very much. As his parents wished, he decided to visit all the sacred places in the country with them. This was a very hard task but his parent's wish overcame Shravan’s fear and he agreed to do it.
He gathered a wood bundle and constructed a stick on each side with a cushion attached so they could sit on it on which he could carry his parents on his shoulder.
The pilgrim’s journey involved numerous holy places of worship. It was Shravan that he had much patience and love even after going through a tired and unknown route with his parents for this long trip, he always talked and told them about the surroundings so they could feel it too.
One day, he went walking through a forest. When his parents became thirsty, on their demand, he quickly ran to the nearby lake.
A king from the nearby town was out in the forest to hunt animals. He caught this sound which seemed like the noise of an animal. Without hesitation, he quickly drew an arrow and aimed it at the unseen area.
The arrow pierced Sharvan’s chest. When the king arrived, he realized he had made a grave mistake, sobbing to help Sharvan. But in pain, the only thought left in Shravan’s mind was the wellbeing of his parents.
After hearing his son’s death from the King, the father curses him that he will not get his son’s love and will be away from his presence.
The King was Lord Ram’s father, and when Lord Ram was exiled for 14 years, he cried every day for the mistake he made.
But Shravan’s parents felt, in their hearts, that this son’s love and devotion were to such an extent they would even continue to exist during death and they blessed him wholeheartedly.
Just by their parent’s blessing and his love and sacrifice Shravan was released from the cycle of birth and rebirth. And he became popular as the son who was the idol of all the parents of the country.
These small parts of history, story, and culture make a great impact on a family's mind as even if something bad happens, one duty is to take care of your parents, you might be living with less money, but the peace of seeing your parents happy is beyond any material object.
Sometimes we do tend to look away, by saying “My parents are away” or “I don’t have any” and in some way, it’s true that you cannot do much. But look outside you may see your parents, on the streets or somewhere near you, walking alone, they might not say but they do need help! And sometimes even talking to them is more peaceful than meditating.
So try it, you may see heaven without dying!
