Serbia Stories Part 2 — Belgrade: A night out in a capital city of a (sic) third world country

Overwhelmed by your feedback on my post about falling in love in a foreign city. So, here is the sequel…

I got taken out on the town for a big night out by Kickass Growth — Most I.T. companies in Serbia are outsourcing companies, super cheap labour. These guys do outsourced growth hacking (great idea — I outsource most of my own growth hacking to others) and they are killing it right now.

Anyway, they really drove all the way across the country to pick my ass up (from where I was consulting in Novi Sad) to drive for over an hour to show me how Serbia parties (we didn’t talk about work, it was just legit awesome hospitality)

Like I’ve been saying in my video posts this week, sharing authentically with your audience has levels and levels you don’t even see, and is worth far more than “money”.

Real human friendships

This could be anywhere in the world and I could be a normal young person — we’re drinking and cheers-ing and talking about normal young person stuff (not SEO)

The more time I spend in Serbia the more I realize how FUCKING lucky you (yes, you!) are to read this from North America or the EU.

I’ve been mentoring and consulting with companies in Serbia, and everyone has hard mode activated.

I consulted with one of the biggest banks in Serbia, who told me they can’t compete on price because many people get loans of ten years from the bank just to have enough money to live a normal life (borrowing is crazy out of control) and if you lose your job you’re kinda dead out here.

There is a running theme of how hard it is to get money out of early customers too for startups.

Finally, even the little things like most bands never really tour through this part of the world (besides Exit festival once a year), something we totally take for granted (I’ve seen every band I’d ever wanted to see — Bowie, Prince, Rolling Stones, etc, basically everyone apart from Paramore who I need to see) but here?

They get nowt.

We are lucky westerners to have the worlds best entertainment every night of the week (enough to keep an awful magazine like Timeout in business) (am I joking about Timeout here???)

I’m speaking to a girl from Kicksass Growth called Melissa (though for some reason it’s pronounced “militia”) who tells me the official “average wage is 400 euros a month, but in real terms it’s likely 250 euros a month”

Count
Your
Blessings

When I need to raise some cash for something I do a shout for one hours Skype consulting and charge $250.

I only do it about once a month as it fills up my calendar and I’d rather spend that time writing

But wow.

Even as poor as I was.

I was still sitting in a gold mine by being British, even if I had no resources to get the gold out of the (walls? Not sure where this metaphor is going)

I’ve met such beautiful souls in Serbia: honest, friendly people (very good looking also, not that means that much in this context).

All of them at a gigantic disadvantage because of the geographical border they were born into.

(And yes you might say anyone can work hard and make it out and some do, but they are fucked by everything from bureaucracy, nepotism, high taxes, a difficult cultural past and loads more that I don’t know as I only really know what I’ve learnt in the past few days)

Building a company is the ladder we can use to climb ourselves out of poverty.

I hope we can all make it.

At a certain point you just have to reign that conversation in and re-focus on entertainment (and Belgrade has the escapism factor turned up to 11, every bar and club I see is heaving with people all night long)

So now we’re just some pretty kids boozing and looking to release endorphins.

We head to a boat party and I get a strong vibe the place is full of normal people so Iask if we can leave.

It’s mainly the house music, to be honest.

House music pretends to be deep behind generic four to the floor beats and super subtle background noise- but part of me always feels the producers just can’t write melodies or choruses and hide behind the “minimal” nature of it

It’s music for people who go to crap pop-up bars, wear rompers and probably own a fidget spinner (yeah, I said it).

So now we’re at a raging party on a boat that’s basically full of English tourists in shorts but it’s okay as the tunes are bangers (electro remix of “seven nation army” has us shouting the melody like we’re watching a football game, great)

I feel myself slowly pull away from reality as that awful benny benassi song.

“Push me

And then just touch me

Till I can get my… sat-is-faction”

blares out and I’m deep into my 4th or 5th drink

One of my favourite Anthony Robbins distinctions is that of being stuck in “no mans land” — in a fucked up situation but not so fucked up that you feel the urgent need to do anything about it

I feel like the group feels that way about the place we’re in — bad but could going somewhere else be worse?

We have alcohol comforting us here, but are we heading for a “white girls in Vegas” scenario -

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?

We know what happened in Vegas — you danced with your friends on the dance floor, ate Tacos, then went home alone”

I feel the camaraderie of being in this group but can’t I just fall in love with a French girl and pour all my happiness and hope into that?

The rest of nights out seem to be just setting up the parameters for something like that to happen. (Do y’all agree with this? Lmk in the comments)

As I write this I am standing in a puddle of piss and I’m peeing into the toilet. Bunch of animals on this boat party with bad eye hand dick co-ordination.

Anyway, I take a breather outside and now I have a head full of alcohol.

🍺 and I want more stories (basically for you guys) I decide to head back in and tell them I want to go all out on finding another place to go out.

Before I head in, a girl walks up to me and asks for a hug.

Well, sure.

She tells me she’s 16.

I ask her what’s the legal age to drink in Serbia.

She tells me there isn’t one.

Of course!

My friend comes out and asks me what I want to drink.

I tell her if I drink anymore I won’t be able to blog so I need a breather.

Suddenly to my left the 16 year old falls down the stairs ass first (as in, slipped and slid down the stairs on her butt, but those stairs were iron so I think she really felt it) “that’s the 16 year old I told you about” I tell my friend.

Her friend comes to comfort her and is wearing the coolest Bermuda shorts I’ve seen in years.

Why the teenagers gotta be the only people in here other than me who dress to stand out?

(Hint: there’s probably the most important lesson in this entire article there).

The teenagers start picking up the (glitter?) that fell out of her pockets and onto the floor when she stumbled. I love when teenagers pretending to be adults drop the ruse and act like kids on nights out.

I’m mumbling “I need more writing material” to the girl I’m with and how we need to leave and now I’m queueing for the men’s bathroom with a decent cross section of very macho (Jesus, forgot what country I was in for a second there) Serbian men

Why everyone gotta be so serious here?

Like we’re in the waiting room for a damn S.T.D. check while we queue to pee. On a night out!

Europeans gotta learn how to make eye contact with each other (shoutout to them Americans who keeping that eyes on lock and making us all feel like the only one they care about).

So now I’m bursting to pee and there aren’t enough toilets.

🚽

Ok, heading in to a bathroom stall now. (N.b: I have no internet in this country or I’d probably be browsing Facebook rather than making this)

So now we go to another boat party.

This one has more of a straight EDM flavour (awesome).

EDM catches a lot of criticism as a genre but it’s really the logical progression of guitar and pop music : massive hooks, catchy choruses and big “AH!” Moments when the beat drops, like the choruses of back in the day.

It’s also got that dubstep edge of gigantic, over the top synths, the only “extreme” sounds to come anywhere near the mainstream
In a long time.

The snare build up of virtually every song allows us to have a collective sonic orgasm when it drops.

I’m all about it.

I may be surrounded by Normals but I’m loving the music.

The vodka and cokes feel like they’re destroying my insides but I want more, as one does when drinking them.

Tonight is a lot more dancing than the desperation of falling in love like the night before.

A ginormous synth drop hits and I’m holding a vodka and coke and I think about that J cole line
“Hennessy memories leaving me nauseous
But the Hennessy makes the melodies awesome”.

Drinking and clubbing kind of feels like a real-time Groundhog Day so I leave and head inland with a girl I met earlier that night and it’s almost time to fly home and she’s asking me if I’ve enjoyed Serbia and I tell her it was awesome but I don’t know if I’ll ever return, as my world tour finally ends and a new chapter on the other side of the world begins.

I tell her she can visit me in London or L A sometime. She tells me getting a visa for both is expensive (again, relative to wages) for UK and nearly impossible to visit America ever or whenever you want (that we take for granted with our super-passports)

The U.S. and U.K. passports allow free travel basically everywhere. They are the best passports, just as Christianity is the best religion (I’m ONLY SAYING THAT to segway that into that incredible Louis CK joke “All religions are equal, but Christianity is obviously the winner. Wanna know how I know? What date is it? How do we count the years? So we just didn’t bother keeping the date before Jesus was born?) lol

Anyway, where was I…

Spend today counting your blessings…

In the West we’ve all been born into a royal family of sorts (i.e. lots of privileges earned through nothing more than the soil we were born into) without knowing or appreciating it.

I took control of my life but I acknowledge I was born in the second best country in the world, and visiting the (poorest) country of this trip legit makes me grateful to be British.

And if you’re American? You’re an insult to the dead with all this time you have if you don’t take advantage of being born in the best country in the world (in terms of opportunity, size of market, etc).

Serbia I love you and I look forward to seeing y’all grow and use the internet to change your lives, without borders, as I saw so many of you doing while I was here.

The Internet doesn’t care for power structures or borders, and allows us all to take control of our lives, wherever we are in the world.

Don’t waste the biggest opportunity humanity has ever been given.

Work hard.

Have fun.

Drink Vodka once in a while.

Take me out in your hometown so I have something to write about.

That’s it, no more tour! Last 2 dates in London this week (The Ultimate Send Off for Vin Clancy with Music From Piers James is Thursday and keynoting Social Day Friday)

What will happen next in my life??