The Bougie Traveler’s Guide to Surviving the 2024 Paris Olympics
Welcome to Paris — the city of lights, love, and during the Olympics, big crowds and laughably high prices. Not surprisingly, the last two factors are a local’s nightmare and a foreigner’s red flag. But not to you. Instead of fleeing to quieter, cheaper pastures, you’re steering your way into the eye of the storm.
Great job embracing the bougie experience. Yes, it’s time to don your fanciest beret, sip overpriced lattes, and navigate the chaos like the elite (or at least pretend to). After all, delulu is the new solulu.
Here’s your ultimate guide to surviving — and thriving — in bougie Paris during the madness.
The Art of Booking a Last-Minute 5-Star Hotel
Booking a last-minute luxury hotel in Paris during this time is like trying to find a needle in a haystack — if that haystack was also on fire. But let’s say you manage to secure a room at a five-star palace.
Here’s what to expect: Imagine yourself lounging in a suite with a view of the Eiffel Tower, a personal butler at your beck and call, and a bathtub big enough to swim laps in.
Dining Like Royalty
Parisian dining is an art form, especially when you’re paying an arm and a leg for it. Here’s how to navigate the culinary scene without losing your sense of humor:
Overpriced Cafés: Welcome to the world of €20 croissants and €15 lattes. When the bill arrives, act unimpressed. “Oh, is that all?” you might say, as you mentally calculate how many packs of ramen you’ll be eating for the rest of the month.
Michelin-Star Madness: Dining at a Michelin-star restaurant is an experience unto itself. The portions are tiny, the presentation is exquisite, and the bill is enormous. As you savor your three-bite entrée, remember to nod thoughtfully and murmur about the delectable flavors even if you have no idea what you’re tasting.
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Exclusive Shopping Sprees: When in Paris, Buy the City
If there’s one thing bougie Paris excels at, it’s shopping. Here’s how to spend your euros like there’s no tomorrow.
Pretending to Fit In: To truly blend in with the bougie crowd, always wear oversized sunglasses, carry a designer handbag, and never be seen without a latte in hand. Remember, confidence is key.
Luxury Shopping Districts: Avenue Montaigne and rue Saint-Honoré are your playgrounds. Strut down these streets like you own them, popping into Chanel and Louis Vuitton without a care in the world. When you see the price tag on a handbag that costs more than a car, just smile and say, “I’ll take two.”
Surviving Sticker Shock: The trick is to act as if you’re used to such prices. Practice looking at a €3,000 dress and saying, “What a steal!” You might even convince yourself.
Cultural Overload Bougie Activities for the Elite
Paris is a cultural paradise, and you’re here to soak it all in — preferably from a private box seat or behind a velvet rope.
Private Museum Tours: Avoid the hoi polloi (the masses) by booking a private tour of the Louvre or Musée d’Orsay. Yes, you’ll pay through the nose, but think of the Instagram likes! Casually mention how “common” regular tours are, and revel in your exclusive access to the Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile.
Opera and Ballet: Attending the opera or ballet in Paris is the epitome of sophistication. Dress to the nines and prepare to pretend you understand every nuance of the performance. Pro tip: If you’re lost, just clap when everyone else does.
Transportation in Style: Because Ubers are Too Mainstream
Navigating Paris in style means avoiding the metro and hailing something far more luxurious.
Chauffeur Services: Why walk when you can be driven everywhere? Hire a private chauffeur and enjoy the absurdity of being driven through streets you could easily stroll. Remember to wave regally at pedestrians; they love that.
Private Yachts on the Seine: Forget the overcrowded tourist boats. Hire a private yacht for your Seine River cruise. Champagne and caviar are, of course, mandatory. As you sail past the Eiffel Tower, raise your glass and toast to your bougie lifestyle.
Paris is a global sensation on a normal day but can be overwhelming at a time like the 2024 Paris Olympics. At the end of the day, it’s all about the experience and what you make of it. Laugh at the sky-high prices, revel in the luxury, and enjoy the unique experience of living like the elite for a few days. After all, when life gives you overpriced croissants, make a gourmet sandwich and savor every bite. Don’t worry about your empty wallet now; save the tears for when you’re counting your change like it’s a rare treasure.
Bon voyage!
