What does it feel like to have Gender Euphoria?
Someone asked me on twitter what does Gender Euphoria feel like and I thought to myself that this is a big question to answer. The question is huge and makes me think about a lot of things, but most of all this is something that is different for each and every person. I don’t really know where to begin but I will express the feelings that I have and what makes me feel like I am a trans-woman and not male.
This is not the same for everyone and my reasons are likely different for you or anyone else but for me, Gender Euphoria is an experience that expresses who I am and who I have always been. I have felt like a woman from day one or at least as far back as I can remember. This was from childhood, like when I was just a little older than baby years, or at least when I could recognize what I liked and what I felt like. I have never felt like a man, though I pretended to be a man for oh so many years and it was slowly killing me inside. The feeling of being a man just wasn’t me, it never was but I had a harsh father who was trans-phobic which is a strange story about how that is working out now; however, I then grew up and shortly after turning 19 I was on my own completely but my father was still in my life which made things difficult. When I was 20, I got married and like immediately had a child on the way 1 month after getting with my wife now of 13 years. I was then afraid of losing her so I kept the secrete yet again for as long as I could.
Anyways, enough about my past, I just wanted to get you caught up a little. Alright, so with all this going on as I grew up I was experiencing Gender Dysphoria or as some call it Euphoria. Well, you’re likely wondering what does it mean to have this condition, well first it’s not a condition it’s a feeling of expressing who you are. As a trans-woman, I have struggled with this all my life. The first thing to notice is the fact that you are a male and you can’t have anything a woman has. You want to put the makeup on and feel pretty, but you also want more. You feel like everyone around you should be calling you Miss and not Mr. and trust me it hurts. Your desire to wear clothing that is beautiful or fancy, which some even go as far as dresses and skirts which I like to wear. You want your hair looking pretty and you want people to see you as cute or sexy or just a girl. When you think about it you want to have the ability to enter the female’s restroom or changing room not because of being perverted but to be considered a woman like everyone else and just be part of your normal life.
Then there the feeling of your body, you want to have everything on your body changed into a woman, or at least most of it. You may undergo surgery for SRS or FFS, while others just want to get a breast enlargement. You feel you need the hormones to make you feel like you are at your best. You need to look like a girl and be observed as a girl. If people still see you as a male it hurts inside and makes you feel uncomfortable. You need to be accepted about who you are, not your birth Sex but your gender that you identify with. This is something that you just desire and need to fulfill in order to make your life feel better and be better in your eyes. It doesn’t matter about what other people think as long as you feel like you, like the woman that you want to be.
Now I know some of you maybe trans-men, but this is just my feelings towards being a trans-woman. If you are trans-men you will likely have all the feelings of being a man and will do a lot of the same things but things that turn you into a man. This makes things a bit different but everyone is who they are. You can be anything your heart desires and you can stop your change at any point in transition that you feel satisfied with.
As far as other genders which are many to choose from I will only classify them as non-binary for purpose of this article with no disrespect, so I apologize if I offend anyone, this is not meant to. If you are changing from one gender to the other and you find yourself confused and not sure who you are it’s OK. Stop, take a look around, see who you have become and think about whether you are happy with your transformation. Decide if this is as far as you want to go because there is no limit on how far you have to go to be a transgender non-binary. Some people will not complete their transition and have some feelings and actions that still are a man like and female like which puts them in the middle. This is different for each person but you may slide from which side of the scale you feel happy with. That’s completely ok, but you have to decide if you consider yourself a trans-woman/man or if you are somewhere in-between or you don’t identify with either.
Personally, I would say that if you feel you are more like a woman or man and you are questioning which gender you are, you may be a trans-woman more than a male or trans-man more than a female. This all depends on how you feel inside, and what makes you happy.
For me, I have to be a trans-woman, and if life could be changed I would have been happy being a cis-woman because that’s what I would like to be considered one day. Although, like I have said many times, this choice is yours and can change from person to person. You have to find what makes you happy inside, not what other people tell you, you have to be.