It has been a very exciting few weeks, here at The Divorce Dress. We have worked in a sound studio laughing our buns off and doing voice snips. The pages have been revamped. We have been productive and silly, (our unique combination of workplace magic), Kay and I, and as always we have moments of just pure clarity.
This weeks moment of clarity has to do with appropriateness, and how one wraps their mind around what is going on in the divorce scene, whichever stage you may be in, and what comes out of your mouth to your family and friends and “oh, did I just say that to my co-worker??!!,” I know, this already sounds like the beginning of a lecture, but rest assured, it’s heading in the opposite direction…
The Divorce Dress stance is that as humans who encounter this enormous change that we have a constant running dialogue in our heads. Events, unspoken words, anger, confusion and hurt lurk there way after the papers have been signed and the ties have been snipped. These inner dialogues aren’t always nice, they don’t come in pretty, tied off packages, and compartmentalizing these emotions can be a beast of a chore. They bubble up in all forms of thought and action, and lo and behold, they often times aren’t very nice. If we spoke these things that we are thinking, “appropriate” would probably be one of the last things they would be called. “Inappropriate” would also not scratch the surface. Nasty, Haunting and Visceral, Scratching for Survival. You may not be able to unleash these words to your sweet auntie Claire who sits next to you at a babyshower, but you most certainly can unleash them here. This is a safe explosion/implosion zone.
That’s why the stories we are collecting and these emotions in haiku aren’t always polished and ready to show your children. We are in awe of the rawness that comes from these un-pretty thoughts and we encourage you not to censor yourself when you submit them. We don’t want the tidy re-write to pacify the masses. It’s the bones, the unadulterated versions that mean the most. From the dregs of your mind, from the hours spent listening to, or trying not to listen to, the voices, we want those haiku! Often, the words that spill out first are the best words. Addressing issues we don’t want anyone else to know that we are struggling with. The funny thing is, is that as vulnerable as we feel when we submit the ugly, it’s almost guaranteed that someone else is feeling the same way. Your candor will help someone else heal. And identifying those gritty feelings will help you to heal too. Welcome to Divorce Exorcism!
Equally cherished are the haiku about the beautiful times (past, present and future), the sex, the love, the passion that you once had, or that you are finding again…or that destroyed your marriage. We want those haunting moments too, and that’s why we have so many haiku about sex and attraction and wonton heated love. Some of this beauty that you once experienced with your significant partner will never leave you, nor should it. You don’t have to push that aside when you think about divorce. It’s all part of the same package. We sometimes just remember and rehash the hardship of the relationships when they are over and the beauty of what we have gone through gets further from our memories.
So what’s the point that we here at the Divorce Dress want you to take away? That we love your Beast-Human thoughts, and that there aren’t any that are too true to publish.
Haiku of the day:
I shouldn’t say this
Dark shit bubbles out my mouth
But man it feels good