Coaching Yourself CLUTCH — Mindset Trap: Perfectionism

Published in

Transform University

6 min readMar 4, 2020

“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.” — Anne Wilson Schaef

The Uninvited Guest

Imagine this. You are headed to work but forgot something at home so you turn your car around. As you drive into the driveway, you sense something is wrong; there is broken glass outside the front window; you quickly notice that the window is shattered and you can see a shadow of a person inside. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that someone has broken into your house; it’s right in front of your eyes.

What are you going to do?

Would you go after the perpetrator yourself?
Would you call the police?
Or, would you just sit back passively and watch as a burglar robs you of your life’s treasures and possessions?

Hopefully, the answer is a no brainer. You would react like a trained 911 first-responder on an emergency call. You would try to intervene as swiftly as possible to stop the robber from taking everything that belongs to you.

The Thief of Perfectionism

Unfortunately, that is not the case when it comes to this mindset trap; most people allow the uninvited guest to break in and take up residency in their minds. Sadly, the majority of us let the thief of perfectionism rob us while we sit back and do nothing.

Having a critical perfectionistic mentality is a dangerous mindset trap because perfectionism steals your progress, success, and demeans your self-esteem. It causes you to believe that you are not good enough.

At its core, perfectionism is rooted in fear and it is striving to attain unrealistic standards based on your self-worth. Being a perfectionist allows you to unabashedly criticize and judge yourself.

Perfectionism blinds you of valuable insights and keeps you a slave to trying to get things done perfectly.

If you are a perfectionist, don’t worry, there is hope. In today’s article I’m sharing 3 ways you can break the vicious mindset trap of perfectionism so that you can experience the benefits of living a life free of self-criticism; one with less stress and greater fulfillment.

In other words, you can break the perfectionistic mindset and be the hero of your life.

Rewire Your Brain

Although breaking out of a perfectionistic mindset is not quite as easy as dialing 911 when you see an intruder at your house, it is possible to make a very positive shift in your mindset and rewire your brain to start seeing things differently and creating a life of excellence versus one that is unattainable; that all-elusive perfect life.

3 Ways to Break Free From Perfectionism

1. Design a Life of Personal Excellence

For those of you who are stubborn perfectionists, before you can even start to change, you must be 100% real with yourself and understand and admit that you are not perfect, you never will do everything perfectly, and the perfect life does not exist.

The solution to break the detrimental perfectionistic mindset is to create a life of excellence; not perfectionism.

Personal excellence is a way of life, not just a life skill; it’s life mastery. A person who lives a life of excellence has solid boundaries in place and lives life with a laser-focused intention. Those who embody excellence have learned how to operate out of their strengths zone and have a solid sense of their life purpose; why they exist.

When asked about their goals, they have a clear cut vision of how they want to live and what they want to get and give in life. People who live a life of excellence are committed to building their personal foundation and continue to grow in resiliency.

To create a life of personal excellence you need look no farther than inside yourself.

Self-Awareness

Train yourself to recognize when fear and criticism are driving your behavior. Press pause and shift your mindset back to what excellence feels like. Excellence does not feel condemning or critical; it flows with your authentic energy.

Purpose Driven

Connect to your purpose. Purpose is the reason why you exist. Living a life of excellence helps you identify and connect to your greater purpose.

Knowing your life purpose gives you a firm grasp of your identity. You have more clarity on everything you do and it profoundly influences your decisions and fuels your behavior. It gives you a strong sense of direction and meaning to your life.

Focus on what is going RIGHT

Make it a habit to focus on what is going RIGHT not what is going wrong. When you put so much emphasis on what is wrong, you are less capable of achieving what you want. This is because you’re focusing on it NOT happening rather than it happening.

“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.” — Harriet Braiker

2. Recognize Procrastination Signs

Perfectionism is closely tied to procrastination. Since there are a lot of myths concerning procrastination, let’s get some clarity on why people procrastinate. Some prevailing views see procrastination as a lack of willpower or inherent laziness.

The reality is, for the most part, procrastination is an avoidance behavior strongly associated with being overwhelmed or experiencing fear and stress.

In essence, procrastination is more of a symptom then it is a cause.

Although we all put off doing things from time to time, procrastination stemming from a perfectionistic mindset is on a totally different level. People procrastinate when circumstances seem daunting, fearful or require more effort and energy than what they “think” they can put forth. Since perfectionists put unrealistic expectations on themselves, everything seems even more daunting than it should be; thus they put it off.

Truth be told, many perfectionists are also procrastinators; the two go mano a mano. I know this only too well because perfectionism once had a stronghold on me. There are many things I have not started or finished because I felt that if I could not do it , why do it at all?

Ditch the “Not Good Enough” Mindset

To break the cycle of procrastination, you must first be aware of it; for us perfectionists, it’s subtle. As a recovering perfectionist, I recognize when I am procrastinating; the root is usually fear; the fear of not being good enough, or the best; perfect.

Identify the areas where you are most likely trying to be perfect and zero in on them; replace them with steps of progress. Progress trumps perfectionism every time.

Count the Cost

One way to stop procrastinating is to see what it’s costing you. Ask yourself,

How much time and energy am I going to lose by procrastinating?
What might I not achieve if I stay stuck in a procrastination stronghold?
Who else might be affected by my indecisiveness?

Finding honest answers for those questions should be a wake-up call for you to make the necessary changes and understand what is at stake.

Write Your Goals

Studies show that once you commit to something on paper, you have a greater probability of achieving what you want to.

Journal, write your goals and objectives down and strategize a plan for completing them.

3. Watch Your Inner Dialogue

Creating a new habit is never easy but is well worth it. You can certainly help out your own cause by changing what you constantly speak to yourself. Your brain will believe whatever you tell it so take note of what you say. Stop telling your brain that you’re not good enough, that it has to be perfect or else…

That being said, don’t fall into the Positive Thinking Movement and try to follow a formula for your success. You can’t find affirmations on the internet and make them your own.

Your internal dialogue needs to be based on 100% truth. It has to be your own personal truth or your brain will be less likely to believe it. Watch the words you say to yourself and change your dialogue.

“If I’m not the best; I am a failure.”
“I have worked hard and have given my absolute best effort. I’m proud of that.”

“This isn’t good enough; I’ll never be good enough.”
“I’m pretty satisfied with this but I know I can always continue to learn and improve.”

Did you happen to notice that the emphasis here is on the effort, not the person? This one shift alone is a game-changer.

Take Back Your Power

As far as my relationship with perfectionism goes, I’m giving it a good run for its money. I’m not perfect at it, pun intended, but I now recognize the critical nature of this uninvited guest almost immediately.

This allows me to press pause and reflect on what I want to do; I’ve taken away a big chunk of its power. I hope you can do the same.