Dear Over-Thinker,

How “Figuring it Out” does not equal emotional healing.

You have this idea that if you just “figure out” why you feel a certain way that you will be free of the feeling. In my Transformatology practice I always hear from clients that they are trying to figure out why they feel a certain way. They say this as if there is an answer out there somewhere that will make the feeling go away. This whole approach is usually futile.

Don’t get me wrong, there are reasons for our emotional reactivity and it IS useful to get to the historical roots of inauthentic, reactive emotional patterns. It is useful to know that your insecurity is based largely on the fact that you were picked on in school and that your sadness was ignored at home. It is useful to know that your neediness is linked to the arrival of your little brother when you were two or the fact that a parent died when you were a child. Knowing the roots of the issue on this level is a very important part of healing the issue.

The problem is that information does not always translate into deep emotional transformation. We all know that eating less and exercising more will lead to weight loss. That information, interestingly, does not bring about miraculous weight loss for those who possess the information.

Certain systems in the body are responsible for processing certain things. Lungs process outside air into oxygen that we use in our body. We cannot get enough oxygen through the skin or stomach to keep ourselves alive. The digestive system is responsible for processing food into energy, not the heart or ears. Emotional healing happens when we process the emotion through our emotional system. Over-thinking, in my experience, is linked to emotional avoidance. Emotional healing happens when we stop avoiding the emotion and start feeling it all the way down to the roots. When we do, we can see which emotions are authentic expressions of who we really are and which emotions are reactive patterns.

You have been taught, erroneously, to think more than feel. Now your thoughts get all jumbled up when you have overpowering emotions. It is time to add a new trick to your repertoire, deep feeling. I have found that if we FEEL our way to the source of an emotion rather than only THINKING our way there, we have a much better chance of releasing the emotion and finding our authentic, non-reactive selves.

To see more of how I help people do this go to: www.andysway.com