Chapter 27: Ten reasons I will be glad this trip is over
These last days are full of driving, driving, driving to get home. It’s hot, humid and if we’re all brutally honest, we just want to go home, sleep in our own beds, and get the hell away from each other.
So, in this penultimate chapter, here are the ten reasons, in order of significance, why I will be glad this trip is over.
#10 Not beeping every time we reverse
This one comes courtesy of A who is tired of sounding like a delivery truck every time we back into a camp site.
It’s pretty low on the significance scale for me but for some reason, it really irks him.
#9 Having to sit in the back on long drives
At the beginning of this trip, I agreed that we will all take turns sitting in the front seat. The kids took this very much to heart, especially as they discovered that in the front seat they can charge their iPads and watch them at the same time.
I don’t mind sitting in the back because this is a major reason I was able to write this journey chronicle. But it comes in on the list because the seat is really uncomfortable. It is not built or padded sufficiently for long distances. The air-conditioning doesn’t reach this far back. The seat is also not well insulated, so on these hot days you are sitting in a puddle of your own sweat.
It’s not pleasant.
Here’s a picture of a giant galah instead.
#8 The kids complaining about how bad the WIFI is
The internet connectivity has been sketchy for most of the time. In the towns, it’s mostly great but about 10 minutes away from them it just drops off entirely. I expect sometimes this is my provider rather than poor coverage.
At caravan parks, the WIFI can be very sporadic. The busier the park, the worst the WIFI. If I was a betting woman, I’d say that the #1 complaint to caravan park owners is about the quality of the WIFI. I sympathise: they’re business operators, not ICT experts. Small town Australia is not exactly a hub of IT. They’re probably relying on their grandchild’s weird friend who is good at Fortnite to maintain it because there just isn’t anyone else in town who knows what computers do, let alone manage a WIFI network.
I’ve been able to make it work myself. But I am looking forward to not hearing the kids going on about how the WIFI is crap and there’s no signal. And not explaining once again that electricity and the internet are different things.
The only saving grace is that this is not just my kids. I’ve overheard numerous kids complaining about it pretty much across the entire country.
That’s Gen Zers for you.
#7 The noise of the water pump every time you turn the tap on
In this campervan, the pump makes a loud grinding sound every time the tap goes on. It stays on the entire time. Sometimes it randomly makes the noise in the middle of the night when everybody is asleep.
My head at night seems to be right next to it.
It seems so loud on quiet mornings that I feel like we wake up the entire camp ground.
I don’t hear anyone else’s pump so it’s either not that loud or people are just really nice about not saying anything.
#6 Having to remember a code to go to the toilet at a caravan park
I completely understand why caravan parks lock their toilet blocks. It prevents any old person from coming in and using the facilities. Fresh water is very precious in Australia so it’s completely understandable that you should pay for the privilege of using it.
This means that toilets are locked with a code given to you at check-in. To use the facilities, you plug in the code on a metal keypad and turn the lock. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, the code is something easy, like 1 2 3 4. Most of the time, it’s not.
None of these keypads ever look like the one before. Who knew that there were so many different metal keypad code activated locks in the world? By the 10th different code, you just do not have capacity to remember it.
This means that when you inevitably go to the toilet in the middle of the night, you stand in front of the toilet door, wracking your weary memory for the code. If you’re particularly unlucky, you are confronted by a poorly lit keypad and can’t clearly identify the order of the numbers anyway. You haven’t brought your glasses with you either so in the end, you debate with yourself just how much do you really need to go to the toilet? Can you be bothered to walk back, get your light, glasses and find the piece of paper with the code written on it? Or can you just hold it in until morning?
So many decisions to make at 2 am.
Only one Caravan Park had the foresight to put a large, black and white sticker next to the keypad with the number in very large font.
It’s not just me.
#5 Not having the flexibility of a car
Parking the campervan in towns is great. Most towns have created dedicated parking areas for larger vehicles and erected helpful signs telling you where these sites are located.
If you need to go to a shopping centre, it’s a whole other thing. Most shopping centre parking is too low for the van, so you need to park out on the street. I don’t mind the walk but I do miss being able to just pop in and get what I need and pop out again.
It also gets more problematic when you want to go places too far to walk. Then you need to pack up the entire van, including closing vents, securing benchtop items (i.e. throwing them on the bed) and securing everything that can move around, break, fall off or cause a loud rattling sound just to go down to a beach a few kilometres down the road.
It tends to be a barrier to seeing some places because sometimes, you just can’t be bothered.
#4 Emptying the grey water
You may be thinking it would be emptying the toilet cassette I would hate. But we haven’t used the toilet too much. When we did, I made T empty it based on the argument that I changed far more pooey nappies than he ever did so he owes me.
Early on in this trip, we met a chap who asked why we were dumping the grey water at the dump point. “Just let it drain out on the road when you’re driving like everyone else does!” he told us.
He’s right too. This is absolutely what other people do. Sometimes at a bush campsite, they just snake the grey water hose into an obliging bush. Even my sister told us she just leaves the tap open to drain onto the road.
But we are not rulebreakers. We live in a city that spent two years in lockdown and felt guilty when we went to the shop twice a day instead of the mandated once. When the Britz people told us we need to dump the grey water at the dump point, that’s what we do.
Emptying the grey water is on this list because we were told it would be a simple affair just to connect the hose and open the valve. It is not. The plumbing in this van is so poor that even if we did leave the grey water valve open while driving it wouldn’t drain anyway. I laugh now when we ended up with the whole system clogged and they told us “just put hot water down the hole to clear it!”.
Turns out, it clogs constantly. It only drains when you blast water up through the valve and you can only do this at a dump point. Even when we religiously try not to get any food down the plughole, it makes little difference.
Every time we have to empty the grey water I’m reminded at how poorly informed we were about this issue.
#3 Having to scramble for $1 and $2 coins to use the washing machines
We live in an increasingly cashless society. At least we do when we have a washing machine in our own home. But when you have to take your washing to a laundromat or use campground washing machines, cash is king.
I did a lot of research for this trip and nowhere did anyone say you need to take a stack of at least $50 worth of $1 coins. The last time I did washing at a caravan park, the machines used credit cards.
Let me tell you now: this is the EXCEPTION not the RULE. If you’re planning a trip like this in Australia, you are going to need a big stash of $1 and $2 coins to do washing. You are also going to need them if you want to use the dryer. Some machines take just one or the other, some take both, you just don’t know in advance.
Most of the time, the caravan park people can give you change. However, this is often 1) only if you have cash (i.e. notes) already, and 2) are washing during office hours (9 to 5).
I got it sorted out in the end but take it from me, put cashing up with gold coins on your pre-departure list of things to do.
#2 Having to put the bed together every night and pack it down every morning
We hired a six person campervan because we wanted the kids to have their own beds. They’re half way grown now and too old to share a bed. Overall, this has worked really well.
Except for the one bed that needs to be set up and then packed up every day so we can use the dining table/drive anywhere.
It’s not difficult to do. The slats get rather stiff to pull out and get straight. The cushions fit together (kinda). The kids eventually got the hang of doing it themselves, albeit with a lot of noise and crashing about.
But every day for seven weeks? I am so over it.
#1 Not being able to get anything dry
When we decided to do this trip, it never occurred to me that the weather would be consistently terrible for days on end. That it might rain a bit was just a passing thought.
It was supposed to be an El Nino year, meaning hot and dry. After three years of La Nina (cool and wet) we were more than ready for it. But then — apparently El Nino events can be cool and wet too?
Queue weeks of wind, rain, no sun and cool weather.
This meant that for around five weeks, nothing dried for days. First, it was our bath towels. Despite hanging up around the campervan all day and night, they wouldn’t dry. This meant they started to smell.
Washing them came with its own challenges, not including the coins from #3. We needed to be somewhere with access to washing machines AND dryers; they needed to be operational and available; and we needed a few hours spare. Throw in a couple of loads of clothing and suddenly getting anything dry becomes a logistical nightmare.
Stupid me for making a strict rule that everyone needed to wear clean underwear every day.
There were magic moments though. The West End Soapy in Esperance is the best laundromat ever. No coins! Everything washed and dried in a little over an hour! Conveniently located! Open 24 hours! Has a good book exchange that doesn’t include old Barbara Taylor Bradford books! Even has parking that can accommodate your campervan!
If you’re ever in Esperance, just go there to marvel at it even if you don’t need to wash anything.
Eventually, the weather came good. Ultimately, all this did was show me how much easier it would all have been if the bloody weather had just cooperated more.
Up next: Ten reasons I MAY consider doing this again. Maybe. Possibly.
Honourable mentions
In no particular order:
Not being able to do my yoga as often as I’d like
Having to negotiate the charging hierarchy
The crappy sat nav in the Campervan
Having to wean the kids off their iPads
Parents (usually dads) who do not teach their kids some campsite courtesy, like don’t walk through other people’s campsites, don’t throw your bike on their campsite either, don’t squeal constantly… that kind of thing
