My In-Laws Tried to Kill Me With an Elephant
But they won’t be able to get rid of me that easy
Africa has quickly become one of my favorite places to be on this earth, and ever since my fiancée’s parents built a house in Zambia, I have had the perfect excuse to go as often as I want (money permitting, of course).
On the inaugural trip last year, adventure awaited. My fiancée and I were determined to do and see as many things as we could cram into the month we would be there, even though the rush was an illusion given that we would certainly be back. So, we planned road trips and sightseeing and museums and everything we thought we wanted to see. That included, obviously, safaris.
We had been advised on good authority that it would be cheaper to book our safari once we were actually there, so we left that bit of planning up until one day before a sunset river cruise. As we waited and waited for it to be time to board the boat, my fiancée’s parents decided that it would be an opportune moment for them to take me to the place where I could book the safari for later in the trip. So, with everyone waiting in the comfort of the hotel restaurant, my in-laws and I hopped in the car and drove off to make the purchase.
The Setup
The wheels of the SUV kicked dirt and dust up into the air behind us, caking the back windshield as we headed to the booking agency’s office. The bright orange particles gleamed in the sun and the dark shadows cast by the occasional tree danced across the windows and gave a brief respite from the heat of the sun.
Frequently, we would pass wildlife while driving through Zambia and the surrounding countries, and since we were driving through a national park, a sighting of some of Africa’s most majestic creatures was all the more likely.
But, of course, since I knew I would be in the safety of my family who had been around that kind of thing, I had neglected to do my proper research on how to best be safe around wildlife. A mixture of my ignorance and miscommunication would prove very risky when out in the wild.
As we rolled along the semi-paved road, we were paid a visit from what up until that moment had been my favorite animal. I had played with elephant toys as a child, mused over the intelligence of this ginormous creature, and always wanted to see one in real life. Well, here was my chance. We all let out a gasp and took out our phones to take a picture as we parked the car and waited for it to cross the road (animals, after all, have the right of way here).
The Incident
As we snapped away with our phones, I received a suggestion from my in-laws that I was silly enough to comply with.
“Do you want to get out and take a picture?” they asked me. My first thought was yes! I eagerly stepped out of the SUV and onto the road, getting a great angle without the disruption of the car window. As I was hopping out of the car, I thought I heard a comment along the lines of “I’ll get your picture with it,” which set the stage for my disastrous misinterpretation.
As I got a few pictures and the elephant slowly swung its floppy ears and trunk in my direction, looking right at me, I glanced at the car to see what my in-laws were thinking. From my squinted point of view, with the sun reflecting harshly off of the windshield, it looked to me as if they were motioning for me to get closer, ostensibly to snap my picture with the majestic giant.
As I did so, the elephant let out a grunt and shook its trunk, turning squarely towards me. What I did not know was that that was its second warning (the first being its initial glance in my direction) and that I only had one left before I would have ended up as a pancake.
Recognizing the danger, my future mother-in-law poked her head out of the window and yelled “Get back in the car!”
Hearing the panic in her voice sent a wave of anxiety up my spine and quickly connected the dots of the elephant’s actions and my impending danger. I practically leaped from where I stood around the side of the car and hopped inside in a huff of panicked and exhausted air.
As soon as I closed the door behind me, I realized how worried they both were as we stepped on the gas and high-tailed it out of there.
The Aftermath
As terrifying as the experience was and though elephants now scared me thoroughly and were dethroned as my favorite animal (replaced by the giraffe, which has yet to threaten my life), it certainly produced some great stories.
It was all in good fun, and nobody got hurt, but there certainly exist competing narratives on what happened. For my in-laws, I was certainly to blame for being so reckless in front of an elephant, for me, I was under their care and was put in danger with an elephant!
All I know is, with all said and done, if someone asks me if I want to get out of the car to take a picture of anything, I will certainly not comply. Though the picture may be awesome, it is the frightening feeling of the elephant staring me down that I remember the most. They are beautiful and intelligent creatures that I hope to observe many more times in my life… from a safe distance.
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