How to find your voice.
My ninth grade English teacher would love this post, because she hated the sound of my voice.
When I was young, I wanted to be an actress. In ninth grade, I auditioned for the school play and didn’t make the cut. My teacher ran the after-school drama program, so I approached her after class one day to ask what I could have done better. She replied, “Mallory, you have an annoying voice that no one wants to listen to.” Ouch. But the drama program was short on male actors, so she ended up casting me as a boy…with no speaking lines. Needless to say, she was not my favorite teacher.
Ironically, the story of my literal speaking voice can teach you how to find your inner voice.
In my youth, I spoke in an unusually quiet, high-pitched manner. I was a timid, goodnatured girl who didn’t want to be in anyone’s way. My personality started to blossom in high school and more in college, and it flourished when I started my business.
At 24, I became an entrepreneur, and I started having to sell my ideas. I began scheduling meetings with business leaders who were often twice my age. I remember walking into Rock Ventures (that’s Dan Gilbert’s investment company for you Detroiters), and I had a breakthrough. The executive I was meeting had never met me before. She didn’t know if I was loud, shy, confident, or rude. I could pretend be any personality I wanted, and she wouldn’t know any better. I decided to be confident.
I walked in to face one of the most confident female executives I had ever met. I stood up straighter in my heels. I matched her intensity of handshake. I chose my chair in the conference room with a casual ease. I laughed when the TV didn’t connect to the WiFi as if it had happened a million times before. I was “her” for 30 minutes. And it felt good.
I started replicating this confidence at every meeting, and soon, I naturally walked with grace in my heels. My gentle giggle became one of my best features, and after much practice, I found a genuine ease about myself.
With that confidence, I learned to trust my voice.
If you don’t want to take my word for it, listen to this podcast by Mel Robbins about How to Build Confidence.
Once I had confidence, my voice started to speak to what I believed in, what I care about, what I stand for in life. I am passionately empathetic toward people, fascinated by the human spirit, and fiercely devoted to those struggling in poverty. These interests and passions started to reveal themselves in my speech.
Now, almost 20 years after that ninth grade audition, my voice is my power source. I publish YouTube videos. I gave a TedTalk. Two TedTalks actually. I became a professional keynote speaker. Now, often I’m recognized by my voice. The tone is still unique, but it is far from annoying.
Here’s the point: To find your voice…find confidence first. You may feel comfortable with your speaking tone and maybe you were cast in every high school play, but you doubt yourself when it comes to your intelligence, your waistline, your savings account, or your ability to parent. You’ve never been good at writing, or math, or at networking events. You aren’t creative, don’t have self control, hate your hair, can’t pull off that color yellow, and wouldn’t dream of doing stand up comedy.
But, just for a moment, play pretend. Think of the most confident person you know and be like them for 30 minutes. Do this on repeat. Eventually, you’ll embody these qualities all the time.
…and then, the microphone is yours.
