Nunya Business

What My Kid Taught Me About the Importance of Trusting Your Gut

SOMETHING’S OFF

“Mom, Mom, you’ll never guess what Lili said!!” my son Ari shouts.

“Oh, crap!” I think.

The children sprint towards the group of parents, who are seated a bit farther from the kids playing by the bank of the Nile River.

“What has she said now?” I immediately think. I prepare myself as the kids approach.

“There’s this guy asking our names, and Lili doesn’t want to share hers.” they explain.

Amidst giggles, the kids attempt to recreate the scene.

I remain eagerly waiting. “Alright, but what exactly did she say? Did she swear?” I think to myself.

The girls continue, narrating in a typical child-like style. They laugh and stumble through their words, talking over each other, attempting to piece together the sequence without revealing the punchline.

“And then Lili says – ‘My name is Nunya’ and walks off.” The girls burst into laughter. “Then she comes back over and says, ‘My name’s Nunya. Nunya business!’”

Immediately I look around to see how it lands with the other parents. While I personally found it funny, I was aware it was bold, in typical Lili style.

The girls run off to play, their interaction seemingly innocent. The man, we assume, is just making small talk, which is not in itself unusual, and the kids continue their fun. The adults resume our conversation, watching the kids under the late afternoon Luxor sun.

Lili, feeding off of the positive feedback of her peers, doubles down and is really showing this guy she doesn’t like him. I become acutely aware that this could be seen as being very rude.

I mean, the guy is just being friendly, right?

DANCING A LINE

But I’ve also always told my kids they don’t need to answer personal questions if they don’t want to.

Lili is dancing a line, and that line is fine.

I feel a growing urge to have a chat with Lili about toning it down, but the internal chatter in me is conflicted. Should I let it play out or go tell her to be nice?

Before I get a chance to intervene, we spot the man and his friend taking photos of the children from afar.

Immediately, the other kids’ dad gets up and talks to the man, telling him to stop taking photos. We gather the kids and tell them to play closer to us and stay well away from these guys. It’s clear the intentions are no longer so innocent, and we all get a bad vibe. The man becomes a little agitated, but then moves on.

Lili was right! That gut instinct to have such a strong, sassy, and strict approach to this guy was bang on.

She felt something that she wasn’t comfortable with all along, and she was asserting herself when he kept insisting on learning her name.

TRUST YOUR GUT

This interaction prompted me to reflect on intuition and the challenge of letting kids develop and trust their own intuition.

At that moment, I was more focused on being polite than realizing she might be sensing something wrong, and later I was a little upset at myself for it. I’ve always told my kids that they don’t owe anyone their name, story or information if it doesn’t feel right to give it. I believe that, and yet it was so uncomfortable to see it in action.

The concept is easy in theory but challenging to watch in practice because sometimes, kids pick up on things we don’t see or feel.

As adults, we often feel the urge to interject with instructions that override a child’s instincts, urging them to “be polite,” “be nice,” “be kind,” or other similar directives.

CONNECTING TO INTUITION

My experiences of traveling with children and child-led learning have made me so aware of the importance of keeping my kids connected to their intuition. This brief interaction made me think how frequently I may unintentionally undermine their instincts without even realizing it.

As a Mum, the urge to manage a situation or say something is potent. However, I need to remember that sometimes, the best thing I can do is trust them and observe!

I can impart what I know, but there’s magic to be discovered in the places I’m yet to understand, and I don’t always have a full picture or their vantage point.

It’s also a reminder of my ongoing struggle with overriding my intuition and succumbing to the trap of being nice, even when I feel uncomfortable. I’ve been in that situation where someone asks my name or something about me and I’m uncomfortable, yet I’m nice rather than assertive.

Seeing my child be assertive like that was a powerful lesson about the learning I have to do.

THE GIFT OF FEAR

In the book, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, author and security specialist Gavin de Becker emphasizes the vital role of listening to our intuition in terms of personal safety.

Reading the book, I realized that fear, intuition, and instinct are valuable tools, not weaknesses. When well-used and understood, each can enhance my children’s safety in this world.

We often dismiss our instincts as silly or feel compelled to be nice when situations become uncomfortable. To change this pattern, I’ve realized I need to be more aware of the messages I’m sending my kids, to not override theirs with my supposed wisdom and authority.

WHEN IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT, IT USUALLY ISN’T

A few days later, the topic came up again as Ari and I were walking along the Nile River path on our way back to our apartment.

“Mum, sometimes people say nice things, but it’s not really nice, right?”

“Sure, can you give me an example?”

“Well, that man back there, he said you were beautiful. That’s nice, right? But I don’t think he was actually being nice!”

The man a little further up the path had been a little fresh-mouthed, a young guy trying to sell us a boat ride on the river. He was laying on the compliments thick and fast, hoping to charm us onto his boat. Something about my beautiful face and looking like Shakira.

“How do you know it wasn’t nice, Ari? I mean, I had the same feeling too, but I want to know how you knew?”

Ari pointed to his stomach and said, “It just didn’t feel right.”

“That’s it, kid, that’s what we got. Intuition!” I say. “Sometimes we have this feeling in our stomach that we have to learn to listen to. It can tell us when words don’t feel right, and we need to learn to listen.

Don’t worry if you are right or wrong, that’s not the point. If that feeling comes up, respect it. Thank it for its warning and listen, and share with a trusted adult.”

WHAT WE LEARN FROM CHILDREN

Often our children are far more open to these feelings without all the noise and rules from society we’ve picked up along the way that have disconnected us from our intuition in favor of making nice and looking good.

But I know as I’ve traveled and branched out into the world, especially as a single parent, how much listening to my instinct has ensured we’ve had wonderful adventures safely. It’s also the reason I’ve felt confident enough braving our own path with home educating my children.

“The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.” Zen Master Suzuki

I want Lili and Ari to hold on to that skill of feeling their way through this world while trusting themselves, and I hope that it teaches them when they can trust the world around them and when they can’t.

Some skills can’t be taught; they must be experienced and given space to be explored. Over-instruction hinders our ability to listen to our instinctual wisdom.

UNLEARNING & RELEARNING

I’m reminded to be careful that in the name of teaching my children, I don’t project my own fears on them. Home education has been a lot about redefining what are important skills and values to us as a family and also a massive process of unlearning and relearning.

I’m rediscovering the magic of trusting my gut and learning to do what feels right even in the face of disagreement or when it challenges the status quo.

I love the little lessons life gives us.

A simple day in Egypt gave us a reminder to listen to that feeling in your stomach and to all be a little more connected to our inner ‘Nunya Business’.